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seriousficTitle: Don't Steal My Heart (Take The Jewelry Instead)
Fandom: Spectacular Spider-Man
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Spider-Man/Black Cat
Timeline: Set after The Spectacular Spider-Man 1x10 - Persona
Word Count: 1,585
Summary: Spidey and Cat do couples things.
It wasn’t a date. This was so obvious that it scarcely bore repeating, but Peter repeated it to himself anyway. He was not dating Black Cat. He was not on a date with Black Cat. Black Cat was a very naughty kitty who would probably make a horrible date, what with her kleptomania and her nymphomania and she probably had Hulkamania for good measure.
What Peter… what Spider-Man was doing was to take the Beatles’ advice and get by with a little help from his friends. Specifically, the one who was a girl. Tombstone had been running him ragged with a conveyor belt of superbaddies. So Spidey was returning the favor by helping Cat with a shopping spree in Tombstone’s mansion. Revenge was sweet.
So with the requisite banter out of the way… a grinding halt. “You want to steal from Tombstone!?” Cat cried, her sultry and seductive voice suddenly neither sultry or seductive. “He’s the number one crime lord to watch in Manhattan. You steal from him, he’ll torture you so bad you’ll think it’s a career.”
They were sitting in the radio mast of one of New York’s taller skyscrapers, leaving nothing above them but the stars. Which wasn’t at all romantic.
“I think Silas already has me penciled in for that. But if you’re scared…”
Cat jumped from her perch beside him to wrap her knees around the steel bar above and hang down in front of him. “Scared? Me? I’m all alone with a man in a mask in the dead of night, wearing skintight Kevlar with the zipper down. Does that sound like something a scaredy-cat would do?”
“Yeah, but I’m short. And Tombstone is big and scary. So I can completely understand being afraid of me and not him.”
Cat bent at the waist to get all up in his grill. “I was just thinking we could start small, like robbing J. Jonah Jameson of his underwear… and Mrs. Jameson of her pearls.”
“Tempting, but I don’t think the world is ready for Jolly Jonah freeballing it.” Spider-Man shot a webline out past her head. “Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll find someone to help me carry all those jewels. Maybe Diamondback is free tonight.”
The Diamondback name-drop set her off. Mumbling something about copycats, Black Cat led him on a whirlwind Ocean’s Two first act, getting everything set up to rob Tomby of everything but the color from his cheeks (but only because someone had gotten to that first).
Two hours later, they were ready. After a good luck kiss, she led him through the air ducts to Tombstone’s inner sanctum. And if he had to follow someone on all fours, there were worse people he could be teaming with.
Then they were off and running. Cat seemed to gravitate to the most expensive items in the room, stuffing things into her knapsack after a moment’s appraisal. Spider-Man stiffly “stood look-out.”
“What’s the matter, Spider?” Cat asked, jangling a diamond necklace at him that could pay off Aunt May’s mortgage ten times over. “Not up for a little grand larceny?”
“I’m doing this to get to Tombstone, not for personal gain.”
“You’re the mastermind, you should get a cut.”
Before Spider-Man could offer a compelling, succinct argument about why he wasn’t the mastermind, Tombstone entered. He was tying his dressing gown shut. “He’ll get a cut soon enough.”
Peter didn’t need his spider-sense to tell him he was in trouble. The desert that had taken up residence in his throat was warning enough.
“Cat, think that’s our cue to vaminos.”
Black Cat wasn’t listening to him. Black Cat wasn’t listening to anything. She was just sleepwalking toward the biggest vault in the room. ”So… pretty…”
Tombstone took more glacial steps forward. “Did you think you could come into my house, steal my possessions, and escape unmolested?”
“Nuts, how’d you tumble to our fiendish plan?” Spider-Man picked up the antique mahogany desk that dominated the office. “Go long!” He hurled it. For a split-second it went so fast that it whistled through the air.
Then Tombstone’s parry reduced it to tinder. He gritted his teeth in rage as he realized what he’d done.
Spider-Man scuttled onto the wall, out of range. “Adult swim, Cat! All kids, out of the pool!”
Cat had a stethoscope trailing from a port in her visor to the safe. “Keep him busy. I’m almost done.”
Tombstone ripped down the wallpaper, hurling Spider-Man down onto a Persian rug.
Holding his back, Spider-Man sat up. “Anything else you’d like? Lemonade? Caviar?”
“If you could keep it down, that’d be great. I’m having trouble hearing the pins.”
Tombstone lunged for Spidey, who rolled out of the way. As soon as the Big Man had landed, Spider-Man wrapped him up in the carpet and webbed it shut. “I didn’t know you played rug-by!”
Spider-Man had learned his lesson from his last tango with Tombstone. He made web-knuckles for his fists, hard on the outside but with a creamy nougat center so he didn’t break a nail every time he punched ol’ sour-puss’s granite hide. When Tombstone burst out of the rug, Spider-Man was ready with a right cross. It actually rocked the big man back on his heels. The blows he landed were like wrecking balls smashing apart Lincoln’s façade. Until Tombstone caught his left hook.
“Children’s playthings.” He tore the webbing from Spider-Man’s glove. “This goes beyond business, son. You have made it personal.”
“It was one of my twenty things to do before I turned twenty.”
Tombstone jabbed his foe in the throat, silencing everything but the gagging. “I’ll take pleasure in leaving your corpse so battered that no so-called superheroes will ever interfere in my business again.”
Peter’s vision went dark as stone fingers crushed his throat as easily as a styrofoam cup. He was just beginning to feel his windpipe give when a female form slinked behind Tombstone. He thought it was an angel. He couldn’t have been more wrong.
“I know diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but I’m partial to the golden rule.”
Tombstone turned in time to spot the glimmer of the gold brick speeding toward his face.
“She who has the gold, makes the rules.”
Tombstone fell, leaving Spidey stock-still in the same position he’d been throttled in. His slender chest was puffing in and out, recapturing air. Cat put a quick, but concerned hand to his throat to check his breathing. It was a little strained, but otherwise unimpaired.
“You okay, Spider?”
“Yeah. Peachy.”
“Good. Gold is heavy and not all of us have super-strength.”
***
They ended up taking ten gold bricks from the safe Cat had cracked. They dropped them into an abandoned building’s “safety deposit box” (read: laundry chute). Tombstone they left nursing a headache… and a grudge.
Job done, Black Cat dusted her gloves off. The abandoned building was remarkably clean, at least in their room, and had a nice cool draft of air going through it. It was a relief to Peter’s overheated body, and Cat’s as well. She had unzipped her catsuit to a more comfortable level. The action exposed a swath of softcore skin that was pale enough to be deadly on a stealth mission.
“It’ll take a while before the loot’s safe enough to unload. How do you want your cut? Cash? Bearer bonds? A really big fly?”
She was popping her back, an act which delayed Spider-Man from speaking for a few moments.
“I did this to cheese off Tombstone, not to…”
“Spend time with me?” She cracked her last vertebra into alignment. “If the pleasure of my company is worth that much to you, who am I to nay-say? But it does tear me up inside to see you go home empty-handed.”
He was neither going home or empty-handed for long, as she slithered closer to him and placed his hands on her hips. He was glad about the gloves. They kept her from feeling how sweaty Peter’s palms were. That, and her pants. Peter was slightly less grateful about those.
She hovered closer to him, more like a dancing cobra than a cat. The serpentine motion slid her suit down her right shoulder, exposing the black brushstroke of her bra strap on her pale skin. She bit his mask where it rounded his chin and used her teeth to draw it upward.
Peter was transfixed by the intensity of this new feeling swelling within him. His mask, the safeguard of his identity, was being stripped from him inch by inch. But that was merely the lynchpin of an array of wild emotions. The only thing he could compare it to was an incomparably grander feeling of progressing to a new level in a video game he had mastered. There was the excitement and trepidation of the unknown, but there was also the invincibility of unswerving self-confidence, an awareness of all variables and the guarantee of a positive outcome.
She licked the dimple of his chin and the meager whiskers of what could become a mustache, then stopped. Her lips pursed inches from his. Her breath cool and sweet.
“Are you nervous?”
He adjusted his hands for a scandalously better grip on her waist. “No,” Peter said, quite truthfully.
She smiled, but all Peter could see were her jade eyes pleasedly narrowed, as if he had passed a secret test. “You wanna go out sometime? My treat. I’ll pick a restaurant where they don’t mind wearing masks.”
“It’s a date.”
The Queer Case of Spider-Man and Tony Stark’s Family Jewels
Fandom: Spectacular Spider-Man
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Spider-Man/Black Cat
Timeline: Set after The Spectacular Spider-Man 1x10 - Persona
Word Count: 1,585
Summary: Spidey and Cat do couples things.
It wasn’t a date. This was so obvious that it scarcely bore repeating, but Peter repeated it to himself anyway. He was not dating Black Cat. He was not on a date with Black Cat. Black Cat was a very naughty kitty who would probably make a horrible date, what with her kleptomania and her nymphomania and she probably had Hulkamania for good measure.
What Peter… what Spider-Man was doing was to take the Beatles’ advice and get by with a little help from his friends. Specifically, the one who was a girl. Tombstone had been running him ragged with a conveyor belt of superbaddies. So Spidey was returning the favor by helping Cat with a shopping spree in Tombstone’s mansion. Revenge was sweet.
So with the requisite banter out of the way… a grinding halt. “You want to steal from Tombstone!?” Cat cried, her sultry and seductive voice suddenly neither sultry or seductive. “He’s the number one crime lord to watch in Manhattan. You steal from him, he’ll torture you so bad you’ll think it’s a career.”
They were sitting in the radio mast of one of New York’s taller skyscrapers, leaving nothing above them but the stars. Which wasn’t at all romantic.
“I think Silas already has me penciled in for that. But if you’re scared…”
Cat jumped from her perch beside him to wrap her knees around the steel bar above and hang down in front of him. “Scared? Me? I’m all alone with a man in a mask in the dead of night, wearing skintight Kevlar with the zipper down. Does that sound like something a scaredy-cat would do?”
“Yeah, but I’m short. And Tombstone is big and scary. So I can completely understand being afraid of me and not him.”
Cat bent at the waist to get all up in his grill. “I was just thinking we could start small, like robbing J. Jonah Jameson of his underwear… and Mrs. Jameson of her pearls.”
“Tempting, but I don’t think the world is ready for Jolly Jonah freeballing it.” Spider-Man shot a webline out past her head. “Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll find someone to help me carry all those jewels. Maybe Diamondback is free tonight.”
The Diamondback name-drop set her off. Mumbling something about copycats, Black Cat led him on a whirlwind Ocean’s Two first act, getting everything set up to rob Tomby of everything but the color from his cheeks (but only because someone had gotten to that first).
Two hours later, they were ready. After a good luck kiss, she led him through the air ducts to Tombstone’s inner sanctum. And if he had to follow someone on all fours, there were worse people he could be teaming with.
Then they were off and running. Cat seemed to gravitate to the most expensive items in the room, stuffing things into her knapsack after a moment’s appraisal. Spider-Man stiffly “stood look-out.”
“What’s the matter, Spider?” Cat asked, jangling a diamond necklace at him that could pay off Aunt May’s mortgage ten times over. “Not up for a little grand larceny?”
“I’m doing this to get to Tombstone, not for personal gain.”
“You’re the mastermind, you should get a cut.”
Before Spider-Man could offer a compelling, succinct argument about why he wasn’t the mastermind, Tombstone entered. He was tying his dressing gown shut. “He’ll get a cut soon enough.”
Peter didn’t need his spider-sense to tell him he was in trouble. The desert that had taken up residence in his throat was warning enough.
“Cat, think that’s our cue to vaminos.”
Black Cat wasn’t listening to him. Black Cat wasn’t listening to anything. She was just sleepwalking toward the biggest vault in the room. ”So… pretty…”
Tombstone took more glacial steps forward. “Did you think you could come into my house, steal my possessions, and escape unmolested?”
“Nuts, how’d you tumble to our fiendish plan?” Spider-Man picked up the antique mahogany desk that dominated the office. “Go long!” He hurled it. For a split-second it went so fast that it whistled through the air.
Then Tombstone’s parry reduced it to tinder. He gritted his teeth in rage as he realized what he’d done.
Spider-Man scuttled onto the wall, out of range. “Adult swim, Cat! All kids, out of the pool!”
Cat had a stethoscope trailing from a port in her visor to the safe. “Keep him busy. I’m almost done.”
Tombstone ripped down the wallpaper, hurling Spider-Man down onto a Persian rug.
Holding his back, Spider-Man sat up. “Anything else you’d like? Lemonade? Caviar?”
“If you could keep it down, that’d be great. I’m having trouble hearing the pins.”
Tombstone lunged for Spidey, who rolled out of the way. As soon as the Big Man had landed, Spider-Man wrapped him up in the carpet and webbed it shut. “I didn’t know you played rug-by!”
Spider-Man had learned his lesson from his last tango with Tombstone. He made web-knuckles for his fists, hard on the outside but with a creamy nougat center so he didn’t break a nail every time he punched ol’ sour-puss’s granite hide. When Tombstone burst out of the rug, Spider-Man was ready with a right cross. It actually rocked the big man back on his heels. The blows he landed were like wrecking balls smashing apart Lincoln’s façade. Until Tombstone caught his left hook.
“Children’s playthings.” He tore the webbing from Spider-Man’s glove. “This goes beyond business, son. You have made it personal.”
“It was one of my twenty things to do before I turned twenty.”
Tombstone jabbed his foe in the throat, silencing everything but the gagging. “I’ll take pleasure in leaving your corpse so battered that no so-called superheroes will ever interfere in my business again.”
Peter’s vision went dark as stone fingers crushed his throat as easily as a styrofoam cup. He was just beginning to feel his windpipe give when a female form slinked behind Tombstone. He thought it was an angel. He couldn’t have been more wrong.
“I know diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but I’m partial to the golden rule.”
Tombstone turned in time to spot the glimmer of the gold brick speeding toward his face.
“She who has the gold, makes the rules.”
Tombstone fell, leaving Spidey stock-still in the same position he’d been throttled in. His slender chest was puffing in and out, recapturing air. Cat put a quick, but concerned hand to his throat to check his breathing. It was a little strained, but otherwise unimpaired.
“You okay, Spider?”
“Yeah. Peachy.”
“Good. Gold is heavy and not all of us have super-strength.”
***
They ended up taking ten gold bricks from the safe Cat had cracked. They dropped them into an abandoned building’s “safety deposit box” (read: laundry chute). Tombstone they left nursing a headache… and a grudge.
Job done, Black Cat dusted her gloves off. The abandoned building was remarkably clean, at least in their room, and had a nice cool draft of air going through it. It was a relief to Peter’s overheated body, and Cat’s as well. She had unzipped her catsuit to a more comfortable level. The action exposed a swath of softcore skin that was pale enough to be deadly on a stealth mission.
“It’ll take a while before the loot’s safe enough to unload. How do you want your cut? Cash? Bearer bonds? A really big fly?”
She was popping her back, an act which delayed Spider-Man from speaking for a few moments.
“I did this to cheese off Tombstone, not to…”
“Spend time with me?” She cracked her last vertebra into alignment. “If the pleasure of my company is worth that much to you, who am I to nay-say? But it does tear me up inside to see you go home empty-handed.”
He was neither going home or empty-handed for long, as she slithered closer to him and placed his hands on her hips. He was glad about the gloves. They kept her from feeling how sweaty Peter’s palms were. That, and her pants. Peter was slightly less grateful about those.
She hovered closer to him, more like a dancing cobra than a cat. The serpentine motion slid her suit down her right shoulder, exposing the black brushstroke of her bra strap on her pale skin. She bit his mask where it rounded his chin and used her teeth to draw it upward.
Peter was transfixed by the intensity of this new feeling swelling within him. His mask, the safeguard of his identity, was being stripped from him inch by inch. But that was merely the lynchpin of an array of wild emotions. The only thing he could compare it to was an incomparably grander feeling of progressing to a new level in a video game he had mastered. There was the excitement and trepidation of the unknown, but there was also the invincibility of unswerving self-confidence, an awareness of all variables and the guarantee of a positive outcome.
She licked the dimple of his chin and the meager whiskers of what could become a mustache, then stopped. Her lips pursed inches from his. Her breath cool and sweet.
“Are you nervous?”
He adjusted his hands for a scandalously better grip on her waist. “No,” Peter said, quite truthfully.
She smiled, but all Peter could see were her jade eyes pleasedly narrowed, as if he had passed a secret test. “You wanna go out sometime? My treat. I’ll pick a restaurant where they don’t mind wearing masks.”
“It’s a date.”
The Queer Case of Spider-Man and Tony Stark’s Family Jewels
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-05-27 11:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-28 12:20 am (UTC)Oh, Peter. :P
no subject
Date: 2008-05-28 03:45 am (UTC)Full of win.
no subject
Date: 2008-05-28 04:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-28 09:06 am (UTC)I haven't watched the cartoon yet. Is Felicia older than him in it, or the same age? I personally love versions where Petey is getting molested by an unawares older woman. Most funny.
no subject
Date: 2008-05-28 04:07 pm (UTC)And are you related to
no subject
Date: 2008-05-28 04:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-30 05:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-31 03:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-01 03:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-02 11:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-28 04:01 pm (UTC)Things went smoothly until Tomby showed up and we all know that Spider-Man and Cat wouldn't have an easy time of doing things. Unfortunately, Spider-Man had the daunting task of handling Tombstone while Black Cat got what was ever in the safe out. I truly loved how she helped Spidey get free from Thompson's grasp.
The ending was truly beautiful. I guess showing a girl a good time gets you a date and Spider-Man didn't think twice about accepting when Black Cat asked.
Wonderful job.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-22 01:22 pm (UTC)