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seriousficLooks like it won't be a green Christmas.
So, Lisa Gardner's Hide, a TV movie mostly notable for starring Bridget Regan, who God created to practice making heaven. Only this time, she's a redhead.
And that is all we shall say on the subject of natural hair color. Carla Gugino also stars in the adaptation, but weirdly isn't given much to do. Most of the interaction with Regan is done by one of her love interests. Not to say that every investigator needs to have a gimmick, but the character is really bog-standard. She's in a love triangle with two dreamy hunks (does every female-demographic story have a male-male-female love triangle? It seems like either that or an out-and-out harem. Remember how True Blood had the love triangle between the chick, the vampire, and the self-loathing vampire, then the vampire became self-loathing too and the chick had sex with him? Goddamn, I can't believe that shit gets more seasons than Deadwood.)
Gugino's D.D. Warren (stop me if you've heard this one before) is married to her job, with a fuckbuddies relationship with one of the beaus (and I think the other was an ex-boyfriend with Something Still There. I don't know, I had a hard time telling them apart). And the guy thinks she's emotionally unavailable and wants to get closer to her, waa-waa-waa. I think this "subverted cliche" actually shows up more often than the original-recipe cliche these days. Maybe there's a bit of a power trip to that (hey, they can't all be spandex bodysuits). Like women go "Oh, how would guys like it if a woman just wanted them for sex and then shut them down on the relationship front?" And the truth is, if Carla Gugino wanted a no-strings-attached sexlationship with a guy, that man's arm would be broken from all the hi-fives he'd be getting.
As for the mystery, there's a pretty lame conclusion where it turns out there are two serial killers who both want Bridget Regan (hey, if Neve Campbell can five serial killers after her, Kahlan certainly rates two). And they have nothing to do with each other. You could cut the second one out with no impact on the plot. Although he does give the program its greatest entertainment value. In a "creepy" Seven-style flashback, we get his backstory about being molested by his nanny as a child. Of course, they can't show that on TV, so they just show the nanny "creepily" bouncing into her room on the way to molest him. And she is just so psyched about child molestation. Big smile, skipping as she walks--you can just tell she woke up in the morning thinking "This is a great day for some pedophilia!" Yeah, I'm a horrible person, but it's impossible to take seriously.
On the relationship front, Warren's sex friend ends up leaving her for Bridget Regan, who he was protecting, then she tries Male Love Interest 2 of 2, and he shoots her down because he doesn't like being runner-up. Yes, we're meant to believe Carla Gugino strikes out twice in one night. I'm pretty sure Carla Gugino couldn't strike out twice in one minute. I'm sorry, I just feel this might discourage women from looking like Carla Gugino, so let me be clear. No one, except maybe Batman, has that much self-respect. If you're Carla Gugino, you can go up to a guy and say "I just did the Chicago Bulls and the Vienna Boys Choir," he will still watch Love Actually with you just to make-out during the credits.
Yes, with cuddling.
So, Lisa Gardner's Hide, a TV movie mostly notable for starring Bridget Regan, who God created to practice making heaven. Only this time, she's a redhead.
And that is all we shall say on the subject of natural hair color. Carla Gugino also stars in the adaptation, but weirdly isn't given much to do. Most of the interaction with Regan is done by one of her love interests. Not to say that every investigator needs to have a gimmick, but the character is really bog-standard. She's in a love triangle with two dreamy hunks (does every female-demographic story have a male-male-female love triangle? It seems like either that or an out-and-out harem. Remember how True Blood had the love triangle between the chick, the vampire, and the self-loathing vampire, then the vampire became self-loathing too and the chick had sex with him? Goddamn, I can't believe that shit gets more seasons than Deadwood.)
Gugino's D.D. Warren (stop me if you've heard this one before) is married to her job, with a fuckbuddies relationship with one of the beaus (and I think the other was an ex-boyfriend with Something Still There. I don't know, I had a hard time telling them apart). And the guy thinks she's emotionally unavailable and wants to get closer to her, waa-waa-waa. I think this "subverted cliche" actually shows up more often than the original-recipe cliche these days. Maybe there's a bit of a power trip to that (hey, they can't all be spandex bodysuits). Like women go "Oh, how would guys like it if a woman just wanted them for sex and then shut them down on the relationship front?" And the truth is, if Carla Gugino wanted a no-strings-attached sexlationship with a guy, that man's arm would be broken from all the hi-fives he'd be getting.
As for the mystery, there's a pretty lame conclusion where it turns out there are two serial killers who both want Bridget Regan (hey, if Neve Campbell can five serial killers after her, Kahlan certainly rates two). And they have nothing to do with each other. You could cut the second one out with no impact on the plot. Although he does give the program its greatest entertainment value. In a "creepy" Seven-style flashback, we get his backstory about being molested by his nanny as a child. Of course, they can't show that on TV, so they just show the nanny "creepily" bouncing into her room on the way to molest him. And she is just so psyched about child molestation. Big smile, skipping as she walks--you can just tell she woke up in the morning thinking "This is a great day for some pedophilia!" Yeah, I'm a horrible person, but it's impossible to take seriously.
On the relationship front, Warren's sex friend ends up leaving her for Bridget Regan, who he was protecting, then she tries Male Love Interest 2 of 2, and he shoots her down because he doesn't like being runner-up. Yes, we're meant to believe Carla Gugino strikes out twice in one night. I'm pretty sure Carla Gugino couldn't strike out twice in one minute. I'm sorry, I just feel this might discourage women from looking like Carla Gugino, so let me be clear. No one, except maybe Batman, has that much self-respect. If you're Carla Gugino, you can go up to a guy and say "I just did the Chicago Bulls and the Vienna Boys Choir," he will still watch Love Actually with you just to make-out during the credits.
Yes, with cuddling.
