Nightbreed
Mar. 29th, 2011 04:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seriousficOkay, this is a bad movie. A bad, bad movie. Just look at the title. Doesn't that sound like it's the name of a Norwegian porno? But it's also a really fun bad movie. The plot, such as it is, goes something like this. Our hero is having nightmares about a city full of monsters called Midian, which he describes to his psychologist Dr. Decker, who happens to be a serial killer (that's what you get for casting David Cronenberg in the role). Decker frames him for the murders, but nice-guy Aaron happens to come across one of the monsters who tells him how to find Midian. But as soon as he gets there, Decker finds out about Midian and sets out to destroy it because... I don't know, maybe he's worried they'll Scanners him.
David Cronenberg plays JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
Like I said, bad movie. We don't have time to get to know any of the characters, so the only one that leaves an impression is Decker (obvious joke about how good David Cronenberg is at playing a serial killer). The inhabitants of Midian are just a bunch of one-liner-spouting latex effects, although at least it's established that though they're technically vampires, there are rules against them killing anyone. Man, what happened in the last twenty years that we suddenly decided there needed to be multiple big-budget stories about saving a bunch of mind-raping murderers from oppression?
Now, I wouldn't chalk this entirely up to director Clive Barker, since up to an hour of footage was cut from the film. Still, he does have to take responsibility for one of the more risible plot developments I've ever seen. Say you're a small-town sheriff and you find out there are a bunch of people living in a graveyard. You have no proof whatsoever that they've committed any crime. Do you gather up a posse of evil stereotypes (Corrupt cop, check! Bigoted rednecks, check! Judgmental priest, check! Fox movie executive, check!) and go over to literally dynamite the fuck out of that graveyard, even knowing there are women and children inside, for absolutely no reason? Because that's what happens. It's like they're taking Humans Are Bastards and going Beyond The Impossible. It's so over-the-top it makes Fern Gully look like Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
There's even a moment where the priest says "Hey, we need to stop killing women and kids, even if they are monsters." and you're like "Well hey, a bit of nuance." Then he turns into a monster and starts worshiping the Big Bad. Did I mention this entire story takes place in that bastion of intolerance and brutish violence known as... CANADA?
Even the dogs and cats must burn!
But still, I do like the ambition of the story (Barker was set on making a sort of Star Wars for horror movies; so you could take this as a spiritual predecessor to the Hellboy films) and the sheer Star Wars cantinaness of the monsters. But you really should have some wine to go with it, both because of the pun on how "cheesy" the movie is and because it would probably be more fun if you were drunk.
David Cronenberg plays JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
Like I said, bad movie. We don't have time to get to know any of the characters, so the only one that leaves an impression is Decker (obvious joke about how good David Cronenberg is at playing a serial killer). The inhabitants of Midian are just a bunch of one-liner-spouting latex effects, although at least it's established that though they're technically vampires, there are rules against them killing anyone. Man, what happened in the last twenty years that we suddenly decided there needed to be multiple big-budget stories about saving a bunch of mind-raping murderers from oppression?
Now, I wouldn't chalk this entirely up to director Clive Barker, since up to an hour of footage was cut from the film. Still, he does have to take responsibility for one of the more risible plot developments I've ever seen. Say you're a small-town sheriff and you find out there are a bunch of people living in a graveyard. You have no proof whatsoever that they've committed any crime. Do you gather up a posse of evil stereotypes (Corrupt cop, check! Bigoted rednecks, check! Judgmental priest, check! Fox movie executive, check!) and go over to literally dynamite the fuck out of that graveyard, even knowing there are women and children inside, for absolutely no reason? Because that's what happens. It's like they're taking Humans Are Bastards and going Beyond The Impossible. It's so over-the-top it makes Fern Gully look like Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
There's even a moment where the priest says "Hey, we need to stop killing women and kids, even if they are monsters." and you're like "Well hey, a bit of nuance." Then he turns into a monster and starts worshiping the Big Bad. Did I mention this entire story takes place in that bastion of intolerance and brutish violence known as... CANADA?
Even the dogs and cats must burn!
But still, I do like the ambition of the story (Barker was set on making a sort of Star Wars for horror movies; so you could take this as a spiritual predecessor to the Hellboy films) and the sheer Star Wars cantinaness of the monsters. But you really should have some wine to go with it, both because of the pun on how "cheesy" the movie is and because it would probably be more fun if you were drunk.
