Nikita fic: First kiss (2/2)

[seriousfic]

Title: First Kiss
Fandom: Nikita
Rating: R
Word Count: 3,337
Characters/Pairings: Nikita/Alex
Previous: 1/2
Summary: Alex wants something Nikita can't give her. Nikita wants to give it.



For old time's sake if nothing else she picked up Alex and carried her to her bed, laying her down. Alex curled up into a fetal position like a bug hit by Raid. Nikita was still self-conscious about their nudity. She pulled on one of Alex's bathrobes and went back to the bathroom for a towel. When she got back, Alex was lying stock-still. At least she wasn't crying anymore. Briskly, efficiently, Nikita wiped some of the excess moisture from her body and covered her with the towel. She'd done it before… bathed Alex, fed her… but this was different. This was an Alex who was off the drugs, fully herself. Someone Nikita felt for, and not just pity.

Nikita stood over her with her fists clenched. Alex wouldn't even look at her. "I'll fix breakfast today, bring you something. You want waffles?" Her forced blitheness sounded false even to her. She looked at Alex and words sprang to mind. "Please don't cry."

"I'm not," Alex said. She looked Nikita dead in the eye. "I don't cry either."

Nikita pressed on. "If you're doing this for me, you should go. I can get you a new identity, set you up with a steady paycheck and a cushy job… I won't let you get hurt for me."

"No. I'm staying. I'm doing it for me." She looked at Nikita. It was true, she wasn't crying. The stone her face had become was so much worse. "I want to kill them all for making you like this."

She had to get out of there. Once she was out of the room, she could stay away for as long as it took for this thing to get out of her system and then she could make breakfast and bring it to Alex and one day this wouldn't be what they thought of when they looked at each other.

But her legs wouldn't move.

"You know how you make me? You make me…"

"Weak?" Alex shot at her.

"Someone who can't do what's necessary. Someone who can't stop Division."

"They're more important to you than me," Alex said morosely.

Nikita sat on the bed. Under her robe, her body was still wet. She could feel beads of moisture rolling across her skin. "They take away people like you. Good people, who make the world a better place, they get hurt because of Division. And all that's left is people like me."

Alex was quiet. She knew. She knew it had to end this way. Just like Nikita had known one day Division would take Daniel from her. But they were human, and they just kept building that house of cards, expecting it to stand forever.

Nikita got up to leave.

"I wanted one kiss," Alex said. "I knew… I knew there was a good chance it wouldn't work out. But I did it anyway. Because I thought you would kiss me back, at least once. And I'd have my first kiss."

Nikita felt her body float away from her. She walked around the bed. Her hands touched Alex. Her arms turned her over. She sat down next to Alex, and her eyes were the next to disobey her. They couldn't get enough of Alex.

"Will it be worse?" Alex asked. "Knowing what it was like?"

Nikita thought of Daniel. She'd often wondered what it would be like if she'd never met him. She'd always thought that it was better to have had him, lost him, because now she saw Division as it truly was, now she could fight back.

But, looking at Alex… having him was worth losing him.

"It'll be better." Nikita leaned in. An inch away, she hesitated. Part of her wanted Alex to make that final step for her, to actually touch. But Alex had done enough.

She'd expected it to be like kissing a target, at least a little. She was faking this, she was doing it for Alex, she was playing a part. But when her lips touched Alex's, the thing in her breast that branded her as human instead of one of Division's malfunctioning robots, it surged up and wouldn't let her have enough. Her hands were suddenly fixed to Alex's face, holding her in place for her tongue to delve into Alex's mouth and absorb the moan that rose out of her.

She had to wrench herself away, but her hands stayed like a vice on Alex's head, holding her for more. Alex looked at Nikita as if she could see into her mind, see the thoughts of denial and need at war with each other.

"No one's ever kissed me like that before," Alex said. "But it's supposed to be like that, isn't it? Not just… having somewhere to put your mouth while you're fucking someone."

Nikita wanted Alex. She needed Alex. She would burn Division to the ground to make the world safe for her.

"You want this. I want it. But if you can't, then I'll wait. It took a long time for me to be ready to do this with you. I'll understand if it takes you a while."

Nikita took her hand away from Alex's face. She put it on Alex's thigh. The girl squirmed into the hand Nikita still had on her cheek.

"I don't know if I can give you everything you want," Nikita said. "I don't know if I can do Valentine's Day and holding hands and snuggling on the couch watching Glee."

"I want you. I want this. And I don't like that show anyway."

Nikita laughed and moved her hand to the back of Alex's head and again felt her lips. She kept the kiss going as she slipped her fingers up Alex's leg and inside her, felt the gasp against her mouth. When she pulled back, Alex was wide-eyed and quivering, like she hadn't known her body could reward her so.

Bashful, Nikita bent her head to Alex's shoulder and kissed the skin there. The lack of intimacy was somehow more intimate; Alex gasped anew and Nikita kneaded her fingers inside Alex's passage, her thumb on Alex's clit, rubbing her fingers and thumb together through Alex's flesh. Alex was smiling unabashedly, her eyes lit up like a skyline at night, and the urge to kiss her resonated through Nikita's body. She gave in. Alex clenched on Nikita's fingers and Nikita felt a rush of fluid against her hand. She pulled her hand away, heard Alex mewl, and brought her fingers to her nose, her mouth.

Alex tasted divine.

After a few moments, Alex opened her clenched eyes. "How… how long was that?"

Nikita looked at the clock on Alex's bedside. "Three minutes."

Alex took another deep breath. She was so short on air she might've taken a gut-punch. "I was thinking about this all morning. All night. I dreamed about you and… I just had to. Today. I couldn't wait anymore."

Nikita licked another finger. She truly hadn't expected the amount of simple joy she felt, making Alex come, seeing her in the throes of orgasm and then in the haze of the afterglow. As weird as it seemed to apply the word 'innocent' to anything they'd just done, when compared to the lives they'd both led, the things they'd done, this simple act was pure. Clean. Innocent.

Alex's hands, still dizzy from the pleasure that had rushed her body, opened Nikita's robe. She ran her fingers lightly down Nikita's body. Old scars, new muscles, she took them all in. "Really, really pretty," she said.

Nikita pulled Alex's towel away and laid her head on the girl's chest, listening to the fading thunder of her heartbeat. It was amazing to think she'd done that. Not with fists or bullets, but with a few fingers she'd done something amazing. "Tell me about your dream."

"I kissed you, like you kissed me. Then you shoved me down on the floor and ripped my pants off. There was this girl I used to know, another Russian. She licked me, you know, down there. And that's what you did to me."

"You liked it?"

"I loved it."

Alex's heartbeat had nearly returned to normal. Nikita hated the thought. "Are you multi-orgasmic?"

"No. I've had about three orgasms in my life. When one of my Johns decided to be a gentleman."

Nikita touched Alex's face as if to wipe away the tears she knew wouldn't be there. She wanted to expunge the thought from Alex's mind, rip away all those memories and then hunt down every man who'd ever laid eyes on her and fill a stadium with their blood. But most of all, she wanted to give Alex better memories. A new life.

"Gives us something to aim for," she said, and Alex's face glowed as Nikita shimmied her way down her body.

Nikita kissed her inner thigh and Alex nearly fell off the bed. She swiped her tongue over Alex's labia and Alex buried her fist in her mouth to keep from screaming like a blonde in a horror movie. Then Nikita moved in for the kill and Alex could've stuffed her mouth with concrete, it wouldn't have stopped the scream that echoed through the bedroom.

It felt like Nikita was dousing her in gasoline, making her so flammable no one could smoke a cigarette or even use a cell phone around her. Then she lit a match.

Alex dropped back to the mattress without even realizing she'd lifted herself off it. She was wrung out, done, and not even a very naked, very willing, very good Nikita could push her lust further than it had already done.

This stayed true for at least five seconds. Then Nikita kissed Alex.

"That's how you taste," Nikita said, barely pulling away, rubbing her lips over Alex's jaw and down to her throat. "Sweet."

Alex smiled and Nikita buttoned her lips together. She was beautiful. Not adorable. Not cute. Lovely and gorgeous and hers. Nikita had to get away. Had to have a few minutes to process before she embarrassed herself. "I owe you breakfast. Be right back."

Alex caught her hand before she could go. "I owe you an orgasm or two. Lie down."

"No, Alex…" Nikita might as well have been fighting a black hole for all her body was doing to resist Alex's pull. In short order, she found herself on her back, with Alex swinging one long, perfect leg over her. "You should rest. We can do this later. I need a lot of foreplay to come."

"No. You don't." When Alex straddled her, Nikita felt her warmth, her wetness, on her stomach. She'd come twice and the evidence was smeared on Nikita's belly and she'd done it to her. "You need me. Because I've wanted to see you come and I've thought of what it would take for you to come and I know what you want."

There was only so much she could resist. "What do I want, Alex?"

Alex's lips twitched when Nikita said her name. She lowered herself to Nikita's face and teased her lips with her own, then pulled back at the last minute. "You don't want my fingers. You don't want my tongue. You want me."

Alex had been arranging her body all while she'd said this, and now Nikita knew why. Her sex pressed against Nikita's, warm, electric, and Nikita felt her back arch, pressing more of her into Alex.

"You want to hear my voice," Alex said, still somehow calm and in control as Nikita flew apart. She put her lips to Nikita's ear. "Spread your legs."

Nikita did. Alex slipped between them and her mound pressed harder to Nikita's. Nikita's head flew to the side and she pressed her overheated face to the cool pillow. She could smell Alex's shampoo from all the nights she'd laid there.

Alex rubbed her body against Nikita's in one long, exquisite stroke. Nikita bucked against her, trying for more contact, more friction, more Alex, but Alex wouldn't be deterred. She had planned this out, played it in her head a million times, and she would do to Nikita exactly as she wished. Nikita's little spy.

"You want to see my face as I'm fucking you. See the lust in my eyes…"

Nikita met her eyes. "It's not lust I see."

Alex actually growled as she thrust against Nikita. Something took hold of Nikita's voice and made her whimper, curse, moan, beg. She was going to come. She could feel it already, like the vibration in a railroad while the train was still miles away. She could feel Alex's clit on hers, Alex's wetness on hers. Sweat and shower water made their bodies slick against each other, slipping and sliding in place, but always connected where it matter. Nikita had her arms and legs wrapped around Alex to keep her right where she needed her, and Alex knew just what Nikita needed.

"You want me to hear every syllable of what this is doing to you." Alex was still talking, and Nikita couldn't take it. Her words were sugar, they were hard liquor, they were cocaine.

Nikita clawed her fingers into Alex's slender hips, her perfectly compact ass, and added her arms to the muscles Alex had driving them together. "Harderfastermore." It came out like a chant, and Alex's face lit up with satisfaction at every iteration.

"You want to hear me talk dirty," she said, cutting right across Nikita's panting demands. Her face crossed to Nikita's other ears. "Take it," she said softly. "Take it. Take it!"

A moan gnarled and twisted in Nikita's throat, came out hard and edged, burning her mouth. Alex had her. All of her.

"And me? I wanna see you come."

The moan became a guttural, dislocated wail. Alex breathed it in like opium, her body electrified by how Nikita bucked under her, how she'd reduced the warrior to pure want and pleasure.

Finally, Nikita's jerking body settled against the bed, her breathing too strained to force out anymore of the satisfaction she so desperately wanted to voice. Alex stayed on top of her, feeling the heat drain from Nikita's body.

"You want me to kiss you," Alex finished, before doing just that.

Her lips broke from Nikita's reluctantly, an amputation. She wanted to stay against Nikita, an extension of her body, and so she gently shifted her weight from the older woman, settling it onto the bed so they were overlapping, her head resting against Nikita's collarbone.

"I didn't… know I could feel this way. Again." Nikita spoke staring straight up at the ceiling.

"You want me to stay."

With infinite care, Nikita let her arms crest Alex's body, assuring her of Alex's place. "I want you to stay."

***

Alex woke up with her arm still around Nikita, although the woman had shifted. Now her forearm dangled down Nikita's thigh as Nikita leaned against the headboard, staring out at the sunset.

Alex decided she loved seeing Nikita after a fuck. She looked like a different woman, like Alex had remade her.

She didn't know what to say, so she pressed a kiss to the base of Nikita's spine. Nikita turned and smiled warmly, sliding back down onto the mattress with Alex. "You're awake."

"Yeah." Alex felt suddenly like she was walking the edge of a deep pit. She loved this, staring across the pillow at Alex, feeling the heat coming off her body, but she might have to do without it. Like she'd done without so much else people took for granted. "I'm sorry if you… regret this. It doesn't have to change anything."

"It already has. We can't lie to each other about how we feel. We can't lie to ourselves."

"I would never ask you to compromise your mission or…"

"This isn't about the mission. It's about us." Nikita twisted and sat up, perching herself against the headboard again. "There's an us."

Alex pressed her forehead to Nikita's back. She felt like she could smell the blood under Nikita's skin. "What do you want to do?"

"I want to kiss you some more. I want to fix you breakfast and take you shopping and make love to you in a phone booth, although that's probably just a weird fetish I have. I want… I want you to help me."

"With anything." Alex pulled her head back from Nikita's skin. She didn't want her to feel her tears.

"You give out your heart like it was… I don't know. Candy on Halloween."

"It's safe with you."

"Is it?" Nikita turned around. She saw Alex had been crying and did kiss her, first her lips, then the skin under her eyes, taking away the salt. "You're so in love. Show me how to do that."

Alex put her hands on Nikita's face. She couldn't let Nikita run. Couldn't let herself run. "You're afraid of getting hurt, right?"

"I'm not… I hate feeling this way. Because I know how it'll end."

Nikita's head was shaking inside Alex's hands, and Alex kissed her gently, willing her to be still.

"You trust me? You know I would never hurt you?"

"I know."

Alex kissed her again, longer this time.

"And you know I can take care of myself. Anyone who tries to take me away from you would be in for a fight."

"I know…"

Alex kissed her before Nikita could voice an objection, come up with some doomsday scenario.

"And you would never let anything happen to me. You would save me from anything."

"Yes," Nikita said. Her voice was strong again. Nikita, but something more. "I would."

"Then what could possibly come between us?"

Nikita stared so deep into Alex's eyes that for a moment the girl thought she'd seen a tiny little squid or something. "I'm going to kiss you now."

"Go for it."

Nikita moved over Alex, straddling her, pushing Alex down flat with hands against her chest and then moving them over Alex's shoulders and down her arms, finally interlocking fingers with her, pinning her hands down.

"I thought you were going to kiss me," Alex breathed.

Nikita's head swayed down to Alex's chest, hair tickling her skin. "I'm getting to that." She ran her tongue over a nipple, her lips over Alex's collarbone, inhaling the skin between Alex's gullet and her chin, and finally arriving at her mouth. Her sweet, sweet mouth.

"Do you trust me?" she asked, her lips inches from Alex's.

"Yes."

"Do you want me?"

"Oh, God, yes."

Alex's lips were so tender that when Nikita kissed her, she felt like she could melt into the other room. There was heat there, but it was buried under a landslide of warmth and affection and the way Nikita had looked in her eyes just before closing them and how her fingers were twining in her hair. When it was over, Alex's head lolled to the side and she giggled like drugs had just taken hold of her veins.

Nikita rested her chin on Alex's sternum, watching the lovely facets of her face catch the sunlight streaming in through the window. "I love you."

Alex's eyes blinked open. "I didn't ask…"

"You don't have to."

There was something Alex was supposed to say, something really important… "Oh! I love you too."

"I know, baby girl." Nikita gently rolled Alex over so she could slip in behind her, arms locking so protectively around her body that Alex suspected they could go into freefall and still be safely attached. "I think I'm going to just hold you for a little while. It's very relaxing."

"Fine by me." Alex rolled her hips back against Nikita's and brought one hand up to the arm Nikita had looped around her neck like jungle vine. Her fingers linked around Nikita's wrist and the muscle she felt there, holding her close, made her feel both loved and anxious for the next time Nikita would decide to kiss her.

Because there was no way Alex would let her stop at just kissing her lips.

Comments

[fembuck.livejournal.com]

*dreamy sigh* So perfect. Beautiful, wonderful and amazing. They compliment and complete each other so well and that came across so well here. Nikita once put Alex back together, and there is something so great about seeing Alex put Nikita back together as well, making the 'malfunctioning robot' a real girl again. I just think about this and I feel like twirling around clutching a teddy bear to my chest, this fic is just all the beautiful feelings in the world.

Great job!

[arhisema.livejournal.com]

First Nikita/Alex fic I found, and it's great! They are so amazing together and they are so in character.

[pandora-007.livejournal.com]

That was absolutely amazing.. this fic its in my top 3 Nikita fics.. i love when they are together without the pressure of their jobs and the hurt of their lives..

can you please write more about them soon???? please

[jareaulover.livejournal.com]

Great story,realllly like it xx