Nikita fic: First kiss (1/2)
Mar. 9th, 2011 02:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seriousficTitle: First Kiss
Fandom: Nikita
Rating: R
Word Count: 1,724
Characters/Pairings: Nikita/Alex
Next: 2/2
Summary: Alex wants something Nikita can't give her. Nikita wants to give it.
It started with a throw. They were sparring and after an exchange of punches they broke off and when Nikita backed away, she saw Alex standing there, all fierce with her dukes raised, and smiled at her. She'd come a long way from the urchin she'd saved from the streets. Alex didn't take it that way. She took it as an insult and, tired of being treated like a little girl, she rushed Nikita.
Alex ended up rolled onto her back, Nikita pinning her down, one fist raised to deliver a killing blow if this weren't an exercise. Instead she lowered it to Alex's cheek. "Hey."
Alex confirmed that she was upset by pushing Nikita off her. "You don't have to go easy on me. I'm not a child."
"Yes, I do have to go easy on you. That's why it's called training."
Alex came at Nikita again, this time pacing herself, hammering at Nikita's block with rights and lefts until she sidestepped Nikita's parry and drove a fist into her face. She'd expected her to block.
"Oh God, oh God, sorry!" Nikita had a bloody nose. Alex looked around for a tissue and ended up grabbing a bidet to press to Nikita's bleed.
"It's okay," Nikita said, muffled. "Keeps me on my toes." With a glance at Alex's unorthodox bandage, Nikita took it and kept it pressed against her nose. "You're right. You're not a child."
Alex beamed.
"You just hit like one."
When Alex raised her fists, Nikita jokingly quivered in fear. They ended up watching a few hours of Gossip Girl as reward for Alex finally landing a punch.
But Nikita didn't forget how Alex had looked during the fight, strong and calm and in control. Like a woman.
***
"You're looking at me that way again."
Nikita smiled to herself. She'd just glanced at Alex as she did "homework" – reading up on a dossier of ex-Soviet spies – and that half-second look had triggered Alex's spider-sense. "How do I look at you?" she asked, once more typing at her laptop.
Alex didn't look up from her assignment either. "I don't know. Like I'm a kitten." She waved her hand in the air like she was summarizing how such a look made her feel. "Fondly."
"You are adorable."
"Stop it."
"No." The next thing Alex knew, Nikita was at her back. Her spider-sense hadn't tingled. Nikita's short fingernails ran over her neck, scratching behind her ears, and it felt like her skin was eating chocolate. "Adorable," Nikita repeated after a few moments of bliss, running one last fingernail over Alex's skin.
"You're gorgeous," Alex said as Nikita walked away.
Nikita stopped and turned around. "What?"
"If I'm adorable, then you're gorgeous." Alex looked up at her, blinking her limpid eyes. "Just… really, really pretty."
There was something that clattered inside Nikita, like a set of gears in a clock, whenever she was with Alex. It made her feel protective, and normal, and loved. And now it went faster, like there was a whirling dervish inside her, supercharging the machinery of her well-trained mind and body.
She smiled awkwardly, not the cocky half-grin or the seductive quirk of her lips, but something real. "And adorable's just another word for beautiful, babe."
***
At night, Nikita had dreams of Alex. There was no Division, no reason to stay hidden. They walked down the street in pretty dresses and Alex held tightly to Nikita's hand and something that hurt deep inside Nikita was gone. Her eyes were wet when she woke up. She wiped them and went to the shower and made the water hot enough to scald.
She wasn't lonely. She was alone. There was a difference. She had chosen this and bringing Alex along for the ride had been expedient, for both of them, nothing more. She didn't have time to babysit the girl and so training her to infiltrate Division (although she couldn't do that now, couldn't even suggest it, couldn't bear the thought of suddenly being cut off from Alex) was the best way to make sure she stayed on the straight and narrow, to make up for what she'd done to Alex's parents.
Nikita didn't need Alex, didn't need anyone, never would. She'd done without Division, without Michael, without Daniel; been picked clean by time and training until all she had left was… something that went away with Alex.
The shower water wouldn't get any hotter. She hung her head and let it scour her scalp, hair cutting across her face. She thought of holding Alex as her nightmares left and then just holding her, because now it was something she needed, not Alex, she needed to feel the difference in Alex: the strong, confident breaths, the muscles that had covered up her once-anemic frame, the smooth pure skin that had rid itself of blemishes and sores. Something in her burned hotter than the water ever could.
She didn't need Alex. She wanted her. It was perverse and dangerous and stupid, but it was the most human thing left to her.
The shower door opened. Nikita whirled, grabbing the bath brush as a weapon, and felt sheepish when it was only Alex. She stood there, bare, and Nikita caught a glimpse before she forced her attention to the wall, the tiles, the gout between the tiles, anything but Alex's naked form. How she felt was only the tip of the iceberg when it came to her recovery. Her hair was full and glossy and her eyes had developed a wicked, piercing intelligence, but there was something animalistic to Nikita's feelings when she saw her body. There were long legs that developed effortlessly into full, powerful thighs; the inviting triangle of her pubic hair, carefully groomed, and just the knowledge that Alex had shaved herself made Nikita shiver with desire. Then the waist narrowed just so, then her stomach, taut and smooth, then…
Nikita had to say something. "Sorry for taking up all the hot water. I'll be out in a minute."
"No." Alex stepped inside, closing the door behind her. Nikita was speechless. The echo of the water in the enclosed space was deafening. Nikita could almost hear it over her heartbeat. "You don't look at me like a puppy, or like I'm adorable. You look at me like you're in love. I know what to do with that now."
Her arms cinched under Nikita's armpits and around her back. They grew close. Nikita felt Alex's body against hers, touching at their hips, their breasts, their lips. Alex's nervousness showed when they kissed, and there was something endearingly heartbreaking in how she tried to cajole Nikita's response, with little pecks at her lips, then bringing their mouths together when Nikita's opened, then her tongue evenly exploring Nikita's.
Nikita pulled back. Her body burned where it had touched Alex's, marked with something the water couldn’t wash away. She'd been shut down for what seemed like millennia, repressed so many things for so long that she'd thought they'd went away, and now they were all flooding back. Just the sight of Alex… the look Alex returned her… overwhelmed Nikita with emotion. But it took a backseat to the lust pulsing in her, trying to drive her back to Alex like the girl was a magnet and Nikita was metal.
"No," she said, first to herself, then to Alex. "No. We can't. This is wrong."
"I'm old enough. You're old enough. What are you, a televangelist?" Alex smiled through her hurt—she hadn't been expecting this, it was obvious, she'd wanted this to be perfect—and moved in again.
Nikita couldn't bring herself to stop Alex's kisses on her neck, Alex's hands on her body. It was all she could do to force her arms to the walls of the shower, like she was bracing herself, instead of socketing them to Alex's form and… oh God, Alex would let her do anything. Beg for anything. Nikita had to be the strong one. She always had to be strong.
As painful as it was to touch Alex, Nikita forced her hands to Alex's shoulders and pushed her back. "The mission," she stammered. "We can't… be more than partners. If one of us was compromised… we can't afford to care."
"We already care. I care." Alex gritted her teeth but kept speaking. "It's not about Division. I don't hate them the way you do. I mean… I want justice and I know they have to be taken down, but I don't know them like you. So it's not about them for me. It's about you. I've been doing this for you."
"That's… not a good reason. To do what we do. You can't get hurt for me, it wouldn't… I couldn't…"
"Tell me you don't care about me. Tell me you haven't been looking at me like you are right now."
Nikita's hands dropped away, but Alex didn't move in. They just stood there, naked, the water beating down on them.
"I can't," Nikita said, her voice still chipped, "do this. With you. I can't let myself…"
"What? Be human?" Her eyes were red but it was impossible to tell if she'd been crying under the shower spray. "I've seen under the mask, Nikita. You can fool the rest of the world, but I know who you are. You're the woman I love."
"Stop… please…"
"I can make you feel better, just let me…" Alex reached for Nikita and Nikita grabbed her first and turned her around and pulled her into a stranglehold and their bodies didn't burn when they clashed together.
"I can't," Nikita reiterated, spitting the words. Her voice was strong again. She was Nikita again. "You'll die. I'll be alone. So we might as well skip to the end. Me, alone."
She thought Alex would get mad, maybe even take a swing at her. The girl had a temper on her. But instead, she went limp, and instead of letting her fall Nikita went to the floor with her, now cradling her in her arms, feeling her sobs through her ribcage.
Nikita couldn't let go of her. She didn't know how much comfort it was, having her arms around Alex, but it was all she could give.
"I don't want you to be alone," Alex said.
Nikita turned off the shower water.
Fandom: Nikita
Rating: R
Word Count: 1,724
Characters/Pairings: Nikita/Alex
Next: 2/2
Summary: Alex wants something Nikita can't give her. Nikita wants to give it.
It started with a throw. They were sparring and after an exchange of punches they broke off and when Nikita backed away, she saw Alex standing there, all fierce with her dukes raised, and smiled at her. She'd come a long way from the urchin she'd saved from the streets. Alex didn't take it that way. She took it as an insult and, tired of being treated like a little girl, she rushed Nikita.
Alex ended up rolled onto her back, Nikita pinning her down, one fist raised to deliver a killing blow if this weren't an exercise. Instead she lowered it to Alex's cheek. "Hey."
Alex confirmed that she was upset by pushing Nikita off her. "You don't have to go easy on me. I'm not a child."
"Yes, I do have to go easy on you. That's why it's called training."
Alex came at Nikita again, this time pacing herself, hammering at Nikita's block with rights and lefts until she sidestepped Nikita's parry and drove a fist into her face. She'd expected her to block.
"Oh God, oh God, sorry!" Nikita had a bloody nose. Alex looked around for a tissue and ended up grabbing a bidet to press to Nikita's bleed.
"It's okay," Nikita said, muffled. "Keeps me on my toes." With a glance at Alex's unorthodox bandage, Nikita took it and kept it pressed against her nose. "You're right. You're not a child."
Alex beamed.
"You just hit like one."
When Alex raised her fists, Nikita jokingly quivered in fear. They ended up watching a few hours of Gossip Girl as reward for Alex finally landing a punch.
But Nikita didn't forget how Alex had looked during the fight, strong and calm and in control. Like a woman.
***
"You're looking at me that way again."
Nikita smiled to herself. She'd just glanced at Alex as she did "homework" – reading up on a dossier of ex-Soviet spies – and that half-second look had triggered Alex's spider-sense. "How do I look at you?" she asked, once more typing at her laptop.
Alex didn't look up from her assignment either. "I don't know. Like I'm a kitten." She waved her hand in the air like she was summarizing how such a look made her feel. "Fondly."
"You are adorable."
"Stop it."
"No." The next thing Alex knew, Nikita was at her back. Her spider-sense hadn't tingled. Nikita's short fingernails ran over her neck, scratching behind her ears, and it felt like her skin was eating chocolate. "Adorable," Nikita repeated after a few moments of bliss, running one last fingernail over Alex's skin.
"You're gorgeous," Alex said as Nikita walked away.
Nikita stopped and turned around. "What?"
"If I'm adorable, then you're gorgeous." Alex looked up at her, blinking her limpid eyes. "Just… really, really pretty."
There was something that clattered inside Nikita, like a set of gears in a clock, whenever she was with Alex. It made her feel protective, and normal, and loved. And now it went faster, like there was a whirling dervish inside her, supercharging the machinery of her well-trained mind and body.
She smiled awkwardly, not the cocky half-grin or the seductive quirk of her lips, but something real. "And adorable's just another word for beautiful, babe."
***
At night, Nikita had dreams of Alex. There was no Division, no reason to stay hidden. They walked down the street in pretty dresses and Alex held tightly to Nikita's hand and something that hurt deep inside Nikita was gone. Her eyes were wet when she woke up. She wiped them and went to the shower and made the water hot enough to scald.
She wasn't lonely. She was alone. There was a difference. She had chosen this and bringing Alex along for the ride had been expedient, for both of them, nothing more. She didn't have time to babysit the girl and so training her to infiltrate Division (although she couldn't do that now, couldn't even suggest it, couldn't bear the thought of suddenly being cut off from Alex) was the best way to make sure she stayed on the straight and narrow, to make up for what she'd done to Alex's parents.
Nikita didn't need Alex, didn't need anyone, never would. She'd done without Division, without Michael, without Daniel; been picked clean by time and training until all she had left was… something that went away with Alex.
The shower water wouldn't get any hotter. She hung her head and let it scour her scalp, hair cutting across her face. She thought of holding Alex as her nightmares left and then just holding her, because now it was something she needed, not Alex, she needed to feel the difference in Alex: the strong, confident breaths, the muscles that had covered up her once-anemic frame, the smooth pure skin that had rid itself of blemishes and sores. Something in her burned hotter than the water ever could.
She didn't need Alex. She wanted her. It was perverse and dangerous and stupid, but it was the most human thing left to her.
The shower door opened. Nikita whirled, grabbing the bath brush as a weapon, and felt sheepish when it was only Alex. She stood there, bare, and Nikita caught a glimpse before she forced her attention to the wall, the tiles, the gout between the tiles, anything but Alex's naked form. How she felt was only the tip of the iceberg when it came to her recovery. Her hair was full and glossy and her eyes had developed a wicked, piercing intelligence, but there was something animalistic to Nikita's feelings when she saw her body. There were long legs that developed effortlessly into full, powerful thighs; the inviting triangle of her pubic hair, carefully groomed, and just the knowledge that Alex had shaved herself made Nikita shiver with desire. Then the waist narrowed just so, then her stomach, taut and smooth, then…
Nikita had to say something. "Sorry for taking up all the hot water. I'll be out in a minute."
"No." Alex stepped inside, closing the door behind her. Nikita was speechless. The echo of the water in the enclosed space was deafening. Nikita could almost hear it over her heartbeat. "You don't look at me like a puppy, or like I'm adorable. You look at me like you're in love. I know what to do with that now."
Her arms cinched under Nikita's armpits and around her back. They grew close. Nikita felt Alex's body against hers, touching at their hips, their breasts, their lips. Alex's nervousness showed when they kissed, and there was something endearingly heartbreaking in how she tried to cajole Nikita's response, with little pecks at her lips, then bringing their mouths together when Nikita's opened, then her tongue evenly exploring Nikita's.
Nikita pulled back. Her body burned where it had touched Alex's, marked with something the water couldn’t wash away. She'd been shut down for what seemed like millennia, repressed so many things for so long that she'd thought they'd went away, and now they were all flooding back. Just the sight of Alex… the look Alex returned her… overwhelmed Nikita with emotion. But it took a backseat to the lust pulsing in her, trying to drive her back to Alex like the girl was a magnet and Nikita was metal.
"No," she said, first to herself, then to Alex. "No. We can't. This is wrong."
"I'm old enough. You're old enough. What are you, a televangelist?" Alex smiled through her hurt—she hadn't been expecting this, it was obvious, she'd wanted this to be perfect—and moved in again.
Nikita couldn't bring herself to stop Alex's kisses on her neck, Alex's hands on her body. It was all she could do to force her arms to the walls of the shower, like she was bracing herself, instead of socketing them to Alex's form and… oh God, Alex would let her do anything. Beg for anything. Nikita had to be the strong one. She always had to be strong.
As painful as it was to touch Alex, Nikita forced her hands to Alex's shoulders and pushed her back. "The mission," she stammered. "We can't… be more than partners. If one of us was compromised… we can't afford to care."
"We already care. I care." Alex gritted her teeth but kept speaking. "It's not about Division. I don't hate them the way you do. I mean… I want justice and I know they have to be taken down, but I don't know them like you. So it's not about them for me. It's about you. I've been doing this for you."
"That's… not a good reason. To do what we do. You can't get hurt for me, it wouldn't… I couldn't…"
"Tell me you don't care about me. Tell me you haven't been looking at me like you are right now."
Nikita's hands dropped away, but Alex didn't move in. They just stood there, naked, the water beating down on them.
"I can't," Nikita said, her voice still chipped, "do this. With you. I can't let myself…"
"What? Be human?" Her eyes were red but it was impossible to tell if she'd been crying under the shower spray. "I've seen under the mask, Nikita. You can fool the rest of the world, but I know who you are. You're the woman I love."
"Stop… please…"
"I can make you feel better, just let me…" Alex reached for Nikita and Nikita grabbed her first and turned her around and pulled her into a stranglehold and their bodies didn't burn when they clashed together.
"I can't," Nikita reiterated, spitting the words. Her voice was strong again. She was Nikita again. "You'll die. I'll be alone. So we might as well skip to the end. Me, alone."
She thought Alex would get mad, maybe even take a swing at her. The girl had a temper on her. But instead, she went limp, and instead of letting her fall Nikita went to the floor with her, now cradling her in her arms, feeling her sobs through her ribcage.
Nikita couldn't let go of her. She didn't know how much comfort it was, having her arms around Alex, but it was all she could give.
"I don't want you to be alone," Alex said.
Nikita turned off the shower water.
