My important contribution to any emergency

[seriousfic]

So on my way home from work tonight, I get stopped by a car crash. This drunk driver has somehow managed to plow through the backyard of the house on the block before crashing on the median. So me and a few other drivers get out, someone calls the cops, they're on their way. I take off my eyeglasses.

Me: It looks like someone... *puts on eyeglasses* just got the world's fastest landscaping done.