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seriousficTo start with, I have no problems with adolescent power fantasies. If I started having problems with them, I would probably have to start having problems with adolescent humor, and then where would I be? Let's not even get started on adolescent cartoon shows (Spectacular Spider-Man, how do I love you, let me count the ways...).
But man, for some reason comics have been really shitty on that front lately, to the point where they seem to be about how much it would suck to be handsome, charming, witty, smart, have a steady income and steady girl/guy-friend along with lotsa other friends... oh, yeah, and have superpowers. That would suck, yeah.
Bigger problem, is that lately comics seem more set on setting things up to tell stories then in actually telling stories. It's always one more mega-event, one more weekly series, and then everything will be in place and all the continuity will be straight and THEN we'll be ready to have some good clean fun! So much time is spent updating and redefining and changing the status quo that there's no time to enjoy the new status quo and so fans end up wishing things could just go back to the old status quo.
With Conan, you don't get any of that. He's a bald-faced adolescent power fantasy (and yeah, there's a touch of rape fantasy in there, but it's no worse than James Bond ever got. Basically, if any woman says no to Conan, it takes five minutes, one punishing kiss, a slap to the rump, and she's helpless to resist), and continuity be damned. If Robert E. Howard wants to write a story about Conan being a pirate, he just says "Oh, yeah, Conan's a pirate now. This is before he was a king. Or maybe after." BAM! DONE! No giant eldritch spell shifting the timeline so that he was really a pirate all along or anything, it just sets the story at different times in his life.
The hardest thing to deal with is the racism, which can get pretty obnoxious, but hey... at least Howard doesn't write Doom calling anyone a bitch. It's just so good knowing that whatever happens, no one can go back and change Conan. He's Conan! You can't write him getting killed off-panel in the kitchen, or reveal that he's been an evil mastermind all along, or have Thulsa Doom rape him up the butt. He's Conan. He kills men and sexes up women and that is all good.
Plus, he's multicultural.
...Conan's was the broad tolerance of the barbarian, and he had refused to persecute the followers of Asura or to allow the people to do so on no better evidence than was presented against them, rumors and accusations that could not be proven.
"If they are black magicians," he had said, "how will they suffer you to harry them? If they are not, there is no evil in them. Crom's devils! Let men worship what gods they will."
And now I want to write King Conan versus Emperor Doom. ALL DIALOGUE, BABY!
"CROM!"
"RICHARDS!"
"CROOOM!"
"RICHAAAARDS!"
"CROOOOOOOOOOOM!"
"RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!"
But man, for some reason comics have been really shitty on that front lately, to the point where they seem to be about how much it would suck to be handsome, charming, witty, smart, have a steady income and steady girl/guy-friend along with lotsa other friends... oh, yeah, and have superpowers. That would suck, yeah.
Bigger problem, is that lately comics seem more set on setting things up to tell stories then in actually telling stories. It's always one more mega-event, one more weekly series, and then everything will be in place and all the continuity will be straight and THEN we'll be ready to have some good clean fun! So much time is spent updating and redefining and changing the status quo that there's no time to enjoy the new status quo and so fans end up wishing things could just go back to the old status quo.
With Conan, you don't get any of that. He's a bald-faced adolescent power fantasy (and yeah, there's a touch of rape fantasy in there, but it's no worse than James Bond ever got. Basically, if any woman says no to Conan, it takes five minutes, one punishing kiss, a slap to the rump, and she's helpless to resist), and continuity be damned. If Robert E. Howard wants to write a story about Conan being a pirate, he just says "Oh, yeah, Conan's a pirate now. This is before he was a king. Or maybe after." BAM! DONE! No giant eldritch spell shifting the timeline so that he was really a pirate all along or anything, it just sets the story at different times in his life.
The hardest thing to deal with is the racism, which can get pretty obnoxious, but hey... at least Howard doesn't write Doom calling anyone a bitch. It's just so good knowing that whatever happens, no one can go back and change Conan. He's Conan! You can't write him getting killed off-panel in the kitchen, or reveal that he's been an evil mastermind all along, or have Thulsa Doom rape him up the butt. He's Conan. He kills men and sexes up women and that is all good.
Plus, he's multicultural.
...Conan's was the broad tolerance of the barbarian, and he had refused to persecute the followers of Asura or to allow the people to do so on no better evidence than was presented against them, rumors and accusations that could not be proven.
"If they are black magicians," he had said, "how will they suffer you to harry them? If they are not, there is no evil in them. Crom's devils! Let men worship what gods they will."
And now I want to write King Conan versus Emperor Doom. ALL DIALOGUE, BABY!
"CROM!"
"RICHARDS!"
"CROOOM!"
"RICHAAAARDS!"
"CROOOOOOOOOOOM!"
"RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!"
