seriousfic

Faux-lashy – (pronounced “flashy”) Also known as “smarm” in The Sentinel fandom and “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Slash” in my own imagination.

Say you clicked on a self-proclaimed gen story starring Cass and Steph. They weren’t marked as in a pairing and in fact Steph makes reference to being in a monogamous heterosexual relationship with Tim (I feel the need to specify heterosexual given the amount of times poor Timmy is genderswapped). And yet… Steph and Cass seem highly affectionate. They cuddle, they hug, they kiss, they have slumber parties with pillow fights, they rub lotion on each other, they practice kissing…

In short, faux-lashy is anything that makes you want to scroll up to the header to make sure you haven’t clicked a slash story by accident.

As a subjective trope, faux-lashiness can come about for many different reasons. Perhaps it’s unintentional, perhaps it comes from genficcers in denial about their slashy instincts. Perhaps while writing genfic, a shipper wants to pay homage to her OTP while not derailing the story with a full-on romance. Perhaps because of the context-is-for-the-weak mindset, slashers are used to writing men as interested in men, so when the time comes to write stories where they’re not interested, the slashiness shines through anyway. Or perhaps it comes from slashers trying to write in the style of canon and ending up with canon as they would like it to be – laden with slashy hints, even if the dudes never come right out and kiss each other.

Whatever the reason, faux-lashy writing can be disconcerting or even damaging to suspension of disbelief some times (when you click a friendship fic for two, well, men and suddenly find them practically writing love sonnets about their intense devotion to each other in utter contradiction of the way any Y-chromosome cowboy, let alone the character in question, would express feelings) or just plain cracky (after a couple thousand words of the Doctor trying to foil the Master’s evil plot, suddenly the text makes it sound as if they’re about to rip off each others’ clothes and Do It right there on the floor in front of their companions and henchmen. NO, NOT IN FRONT OF THE BRIGADIER!).

Canonically, Bruce and Clark were King and Queen of Faux-lashy in the Silver Age, but in recent years Starfire has gained and retained the title. For instance, Raven and Dick are having sex dreams about each other. So, after speechifying to Dick about the wonders of polygamy, Kory takes Raven to a tropical paradise where they nakedly bathe under a waterfall, frolic, cavort, and generally do everything short of make a dental dam.

And then they go home, where Kory “plays a joke” on Dick by having Raven kiss him. Although it still ends up with Dick and Kory getting it on while Raven watches and cries a single perfect tear. Aww, cheer up emo Rae. You can have sloppy seconds.

And that’s not even Kory’s main femslash pairing. You should see the things she gets up to with Donna. For the record, this panel? Could’ve gone a whole ‘nuther way, if Nightwing Annual 2 weren’t such a crapsack. But back on topic.

Sometimes faux-lash is cleverly disguised as pre-slash, and vice versa. For the record, in The Other Wife? That ain’t faux-lashy, it’s slashy waiting to happen. Oh yeah. Faux-lashiness can also happen between a heterosexual couple.

A small amount of what could be mistaken for “faux-lashiness” can be good for a story… even in a gen story, some well-placed emotional intimacy can turn a good fic into a great tearjerker. But like salt, usually a pinch will do and a pile will spoil. Too much glurge and the audience starts wondering what happened to the cool, understated, badass character they clicked through for and why anyone thought they would prefer to read about some sappy ballerina who cries at the drop of a hat and gives more hugs than a Care Bear. *koff* Spike *koff* Mylar *koff koff*

One thing a misguided faux-lasher might lose track of is that even with emotionally “open” characters, they will still often have a dark side, or at least a side they keep hidden. The Doctor may be easily excitable and squee about a plastic bag blowing in the wind, but that doesn’t mean he’ll say “Hi, these are my thoughts on ~~yaoi~~ Gallifrey” or be all that quick to accept a new companion (look at how long it took him to warm up to Martha, or how he rejected companionship in the latest Christmas Special). And no matter how much of a woobie you find Batman, what makes him a woobie is that his sentimentality is rare. I had to rewrite Change My World so that Batman didn’t glurge all over Dick a few minutes after reuniting with him.

Having someone declare undying love at the drop of a hat (or, worse yet, soulmate status) usually makes them seem like they have no idea what undying love is and they’re just easily infatuated. Making the characters, and thus the readers, fight for it is what makes the emotional arc satisfying.

Restraint, my fic-friends, exercise restraint and the world is your oyster!