Okay this is me giving crack feedback, partially thru a one sided (me typing into a chat window) crackchat at the bottom. Or maybe it's cockfeedback? God I love this fic. SO MUCH. I just love that SOMEBODY wrote it. BUT THEN YOU WENT AND WROTE IT SO WELL.
Your grasp of the film's dialog style is KEY. I... SO GOOD.
SNATCHED AT HER SKIRT *SNATCHED*
all sugar and dubious nutrition Like the other commenter, I laughed for a full minute at that. You understand the dialog! This is a rare gift!
"Here,” Jennifer said buoyantly, holding out a bathrobe that was fluffy as a polar bear. Needy got up and stepped into it, letting Jennifer help her tie it shut.
Tiny crit. It's not clear from the above that in the below Jennifer is behind Needy. I mean it is if I think thru the three-dimensional aspects, but I didn't know I'd need it later.
The gown worked its way down as slowly as a flower petal
That's just so... pretty, all by itself. It's such well done imagery and also ohfucksohot.
Needy couldn’t look away. It was like a car wreck with testicles.
That is just... the visual.
“Could you please cover that up?”
“Like, with a condom?”
::cackles:: It's like being back in the movie. That dialog is so purely... something. But whatever it is it is PURE.
It was crazy traumatic. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to enjoy their music again.
I love Jennifer so very much. Or I love you so very much for bringing her back to the fore.
And if they’re virgins, I get superpowers. I can see in the dark, it’s badass.
I love you. Can I offer you babies? Dead babies I mean. As a sacrifice.
Come on. Play with him a little and see if he does a trick.
I'm sorry I can't stop quoting the Jennifer text back at you. It's just... every time I read the PURE dialog I see Megan Fox's mouth saying the words. Every. Time.
She couldn’t see Jen steering her wrong, with or without a hell-spawned penis.
Oh god if only the movie had given us this kind of faith (and penis porn). 'Course it would've helped if Jennifer hadn't tried to eat Chip in the unfun way.
I... don't think I can comment on the actual porn. Except to say I want more. Blow jobs are hot.
Another slapped her eyebrow, and when she closed her eyes in panic, she felt yet another splatting her eyelid.
::sporfle:: YES!! LIKE THAT!! ::cackles a lot:: So... wrong. Yet so right.
coughing raggedly as she tasted Jennifer’s baby batter.
So this is how Needy gets demon seed in her? I love your innovation.
bukkake
I... I love you so much right now. Just... there are no words for happy that bukkake makes me. ::nowords::
Two boys: “But… up the ass?” “Don’t be a fag about this, man! It’s Jennifer! Be glad she doesn’t want a blowjob!”
I guess it's not pegging if you can actually grow a pair.
And Low Shoulder, I pretty much axe-murdered them.
Yay! And I didn't understand that about the film. Why didn't Jennifer go after them?! I mean I totally understand the ending and I liked Needing strutting off into the night after Low Shoulder, but still! Jennifer should've totally eaten them. And fucked Needy. A lot.
And now... crackchat!
AND I will read that damn fic rightnow ::does so:: SNATCHED AT HER SKIRT *SNATCHED* ... the wind I mean. ::giggles::
::laffs with hi-larity:: all sugar and dubious nutrition she understands the dialog!
::cackles:: POODLE.
gown worked its way down as slowly as a flower petal, caring smirk. hee ::LAFFITY LAFF LAFF LAFFFFFFFFFS:: Jennifer’s eyes lit up. “Maybe it was a rat!” JENNIFER'S EYES LIT UP EYES LIT UP oh god. Can I live here?
It was like a car wreck with testicles If I ever rename my LJ again.... so whimsical
::sporfle:: It just doesn't get old... it’s a giant clit I can fuck people with.” With a wet sound, the cock came back out to play. giant clit. fuck people.
“It’s a big puppy, isn’t it? Pet him and tell him he’s been a good boy.” Every time Jennifer makes a "p" or "b" sound I just picture Megan Fox's hot lips being all hot. And damn. [/crackchat]
I &heart; you. So. Much. I hope there's more fic in here.
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dialog porn
Date: 2012-04-28 12:59 am (UTC)Okay this is me giving crack feedback, partially thru a one sided (me typing into a chat window) crackchat at the bottom. Or maybe it's cockfeedback? God I love this fic. SO MUCH. I just love that SOMEBODY wrote it. BUT THEN YOU WENT AND WROTE IT SO WELL.
Your grasp of the film's dialog style is KEY. I... SO GOOD.
SNATCHED AT HER SKIRT
*SNATCHED*
all sugar and dubious nutrition
Like the other commenter, I laughed for a full minute at that. You understand the dialog! This is a rare gift!
"Here,” Jennifer said buoyantly, holding out a bathrobe that was fluffy as a polar bear. Needy got up and stepped into it, letting Jennifer help her tie it shut.
Tiny crit. It's not clear from the above that in the below Jennifer is behind Needy. I mean it is if I think thru the three-dimensional aspects, but I didn't know I'd need it later.
The gown worked its way down as slowly as a flower petal
That's just so... pretty, all by itself. It's such well done imagery and also ohfucksohot.
Needy couldn’t look away. It was like a car wreck with testicles.
That is just... the visual.
“Could you please cover that up?”
“Like, with a condom?”
::cackles:: It's like being back in the movie. That dialog is so purely... something. But whatever it is it is PURE.
It was crazy traumatic. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to enjoy their music again.
I love Jennifer so very much. Or I love you so very much for bringing her back to the fore.
And if they’re virgins, I get superpowers. I can see in the dark, it’s badass.
I love you. Can I offer you babies? Dead babies I mean. As a sacrifice.
Come on. Play with him a little and see if he does a trick.
I'm sorry I can't stop quoting the Jennifer text back at you. It's just... every time I read the PURE dialog I see Megan Fox's mouth saying the words. Every. Time.
She couldn’t see Jen steering her wrong, with or without a hell-spawned penis.
Oh god if only the movie had given us this kind of faith (and penis porn). 'Course it would've helped if Jennifer hadn't tried to eat Chip in the unfun way.
I... don't think I can comment on the actual porn. Except to say I want more. Blow jobs are hot.
Another slapped her eyebrow, and when she closed her eyes in panic, she felt yet another splatting her eyelid.
::sporfle:: YES!! LIKE THAT!! ::cackles a lot:: So... wrong. Yet so right.
coughing raggedly as she tasted Jennifer’s baby batter.
So this is how Needy gets demon seed in her? I love your innovation.
bukkake
I... I love you so much right now. Just... there are no words for happy that bukkake makes me. ::nowords::
Two boys: “But… up the ass?” “Don’t be a fag about this, man! It’s Jennifer! Be glad she doesn’t want a blowjob!”
I guess it's not pegging if you can actually grow a pair.
And Low Shoulder, I pretty much axe-murdered them.
Yay! And I didn't understand that about the film. Why didn't Jennifer go after them?! I mean I totally understand the ending and I liked Needing strutting off into the night after Low Shoulder, but still! Jennifer should've totally eaten them. And fucked Needy. A lot.
And now... crackchat!
AND I will read that damn fic rightnow
::does so::
SNATCHED AT HER SKIRT
*SNATCHED*
... the wind I mean. ::giggles::
::laffs with hi-larity:: all sugar and dubious nutrition
she understands the dialog!
::cackles:: POODLE.
gown worked its way down as slowly as a flower petal,
caring smirk. hee
::LAFFITY LAFF LAFF LAFFFFFFFFFS:: Jennifer’s eyes lit up. “Maybe it was a rat!”
JENNIFER'S EYES LIT UP
EYES LIT UP
oh god. Can I live here?
It was like a car wreck with testicles
If I ever rename my LJ again....
so whimsical
::sporfle:: It just doesn't get old...
it’s a giant clit I can fuck people with.” With a wet sound, the cock came back out to play.
giant clit. fuck people.
“It’s a big puppy, isn’t it? Pet him and tell him he’s been a good boy.”
Every time Jennifer makes a "p" or "b" sound I just picture Megan Fox's hot lips being all hot. And damn.
[/crackchat]
I &heart; you. So. Much. I hope there's more fic in here.