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seriousficSo, uh, yeah... this is crackfic. Or should I say 'cockfic'? No, I shouldn't.
Title: Jennifer’s Hard-On
Fandom: Jennifer’s Body
Rating: R
Word Count: 3,781
Characters/Pairings: Jennifer/Needy
Summary: What if Jennifer was possessed by a boy demon?
It was raining hard the night Needy went to Jennifer’s for a sleepover. Even in the short trip from her car to Jennifer’s front door, the wind snatched at her skirt and punched out her umbrella, letting fat raindrops smack against her glasses. Needy was huddling in the porch, trying to find a dry section of her shirt to wipe them off on, when Jennifer opened the door.
Even without her glasses, the sight of Jennifer struck Needy like a blinding light. She was dressed in a pink robe, the hem only long enough to cover the first mile of her legs, and when Needy put her glasses back on, she saw a tapestry of glossy black hair bracketing Jennifer’s delighted smile.
“You’re all wet,” Jennifer pronounced. “Why don’t you come in and let me warm you up?”
“Yeah, that’d be super,” Needy chattered. When she walked in, she saw a fire raging in the fireplace, puffs of blue decorating the wood.
Before she knew it, Jennifer was on her, rubbing a towel over her face and then lower. “Poor girl,” Jennifer pouted, the towel circling Needy’s breasts. To her horror, Needy found her nipples responding to the warm friction. Thankfully, Jennifer moved on, the towel stroking Needy’s belly free of water. “You could catch pneumonia and die out there. And then I’d have to eat all the s’mores by myself. Boo.”
“I’m fine. Really.”
“Needy, you look like a drowned rat. I want to get you to at least drowned poodle before I let you run around.” With a big smile, Jennifer rubbed the towel over Needy’s crotch, then her ass, then her crotch again. If Needy didn’t know better, she’d say Jennifer was acting like Chip after he got into his dad’s Viagra. But that was ridiculous. Girls like Jennifer never went gay, not when they could have any boy they wanted.
“There,” Jennifer announced, very satisfied with herself (Needy tried hard to dissociate that satisfaction from what base Jennifer had gotten to). She wiped a drop of water from the tip of Needy’s nose. “Drier than Republican vag. Now why don’t you get out of those clothes and into some pajamas? I’ll just go fetch them.”
“Sounds good.” Needy went toward the bathroom.
“Where are you going?”
“The bathroom? Privacy?”
“Don’t be a cokehead, Needy. The fire’s right there, and my parents are off in La Jolla having a third honeymoon. We’re all alone. You don’t need to try to undress in the straitjacket room.”
Along where Jennifer had been rubbing, Needy felt the friction blossom into a raging inferno. “If you’re sure.”
“Oh, I am. BRB,” Jennifer added with a big smile as she hustled up the stairs.
Needy understood, on a Jungian subconscious level, that if she didn’t have her clothes off by the time Jennifer got back, it’d be bad. Her fingers felt numb and unwieldy as she unbuttoned her blouse and shucked off her pants. When Jennifer returned, Needy was sitting on the rug in front of the fireplace, arms and legs crossed over her wet underwear.
“Here,” Jennifer said buoyantly, holding out a bathrobe that was fluffy as a polar bear. Needy got up and stepped into it, letting Jennifer help her tie it shut.
Needy was so cold that for a blissful moment, she couldn’t tell the robe’s warmth from Jennifer’s body heat. It was like Jennifer was embracing her. Definitely a hallucination. Jennifer Check was no hugger. She hadn’t even had teddy bears as a kid. Just a stuffed rattlesnake.
Jennifer pulled the knot shut, then spun Needy around by the shoulders for a look at her. Needy smiled indulgently and, hands on her hips, struck a Sears catalog pose.
“You shouldn’t look so adorable,” Jennifer said, sending Needy’s heart into freefall. Jennifer didn’t fight with her often, but when she did, she knew just where to stick the blade. “Someone might eat you up.”
Needy smiled. It always felt better to be at peace with Jennifer. It made her feel like a Gummi Bear, all sugar and dubious nutrition.
In an instance, Jennifer was strutting off, just slow enough for Needy’s shorter legs to catch up. “So what shall we watch, The Exorcist or Rosemary’s Baby?”
“Whichever’s shorter,” Needy said, not being able to remember which was less scary. “My mom and I are camping out for monster trucks in the morning.”
Without missing a beat, Jennifer detoured into the kitchen, grabbed a Coke from the fridge, and pushed it on Needy like a 1980s drug dealer. “Have you let your English-to-nerd dictionary go out of date? I’m asking which you want to watch first.”
***
Six hours later, the thunderstorm was showing no sign of letting up and not even a caffeine high was enough for Needy to cope with Event Horizon. Jennifer shut off the projection TV with a dramatic flourish, then pulled Needy off the couch. Even the AM couldn’t kill her boundless energy.
Jennifer’s bedroom was just a hop and a skip away. Needy yawned a third of the way there, and every time she stopped for a good one, Jennifer would grab her by the belt and reel her in. Finally, they reached the bed. It was so nice, Needy wanted to have a coma in it.
“C’mon, my mom’s doing laundry in the morning,” Jennifer said, unwinding Needy from the robe. Remembering to feel embarrassed about her waste-not-want-not breasts and her seventies porn muff, Needy hurried herself under the covers.
Jennifer, on the other hand, took her time. She undid the knot on her satin gown with soft motions, then let it drift off her as she carried Needy’s bathrobe to the door. The gown worked its way down as slowly as a flower petal, seeming to meld with the shadows and moonlight that flowed over Jennifer. Needy saw, in snatches, the hummingbirds tattooed on Jennifer’s back that seemed about to take flight with each flex, then the vibrant curve of her ass, and finally her legs, growing from her compact thighs as perfectly as a flower’s stems.
“Are you scared?” Jennifer asked as she walked toward the bed. Lightning flashed, offering Needy a peepshow glimpse of her nudity. The pink of her nipples, the tantalizing shadow between her legs…
Needy wasn’t huddled under the covers because of the lightning. It had a lot more to do with her nipples popping up and sweat flooding her skin. “No! It’s just rain… and lightning… and maybe a tornado.”
“Aw, poor Needy.” Jennifer slunk under the covers, ending up an uncomfortably comfortable distance from Needy. “I’ll protect you.”
“It’s just I don’t like loud noises,” Needy protested once more.
Jennifer’s face was filled with that caring smirk that only she could pull off as she cuddled close to Needy. Usually, it made Needy feel warm and loved, like she was Jennifer’s teddy bear. Now, it felt off. “We just need to find you something else to think about,” Jennifer cooed in Needy’s ear. “Something big… and long… and hard…”
Something brushed against Needy’s thigh.
“Jen!” Needy pulled away, and Jennifer held on a minute before letting her go. “Eww! What is that?”
“What’s what?”
“Something just moved past my leg!”
Jennifer’s eyes lit up. “Maybe it was a rat!”
“Stop it!” Needy crossed her arms, broadcasting ‘unamused’ like NPR. “God! You can be such a ‘mo.”
Jennifer’s face fell. “I’m sorry, Needs. It was just my cock.”
Needy was so shocked she didn’t even consider it was a joke. “Your what?”
“You know, a penis, as in mine? See?” Jennifer pulled the sheets back.
There it was. It was like Richard Chamberlain: tall, hard, and possibly full of semen.
Needy backed into the wall. “Jennifer, what is that!?”
“What, this?” Jennifer gave it a little tap that made it go like a metronome. Needy couldn’t look away. It was like a car wreck with testicles. “I know you’re sheltered, Needy, but every girl should know where babies came from. Otherwise, where’s Jesus gonna put all the little baby souls?”
“I know what it is! Where’d you get it?”
“Why? Want one?” Jennifer stood up, stretched. It hung down to midthigh. “We could always share.”
Needy ran for the bathroom. Lightning flashed and in-between the crackles, Jennifer was there. She cupped Needy’s chin affectionately. “Okay, geez, I’ll tell you. Don’t freak out like that time I got a tattoo and you thought I had AIDS.”
“Could you please cover that up?”
“Like, with a condom?”
Needy grabbed a towel and threw it at Jennifer. With a sigh, she (he?) wrapped it around her waist. That didn’t do anything to hide her rack, but at least Needy was used to that.
Jennifer put an arm around Needy’s shoulders and led her back to the bed. “You remember that band that pretty much kidnapped me? Well, big shock, they’re third-world president evil. They sacrificed me to Satan for a record deal. It was crazy traumatic. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to enjoy their music again.”
“Wait.” Needy put her hands on Jennifer’s arms, a compromise on her desire to hug Jennifer and declare a jihad on anyone who’d think of hurting her. “They killed you?”
“Yeah, and they seemed so cool, right? Luck-fuck, they suck at it and I only got possessed by a demon. Whatevs.”
“A demon?”
“Could you think up a better way of holding up your end of the conversation? Because repeating some random word I say isn’t very smart, and geek girl is the only look you really rock.”
“Sorry.”
“S’okay. Yeah, my body is a demonic time-share. His name is Baal, he’s an incubus, and he manifests as this monster cock. Basically, he feeds on lust, so I give virgins limps and he makes me look like Olivia Wilde. All classy and immortal and shit.”
“You’re saying you’ve used that thing!”
“I call it Bitch-Humbler. And yeah, it’s like a really big clit I put inside people. And if they’re virgins, I get superpowers. I can see in the dark, it’s badass. And look,” Jennifer opened the towel to reveal a perfectly feminine taco, hold the beef, “it’s retractable, so I can wear a skirt without worrying about pulling a Lady Gaga.”
“Jennifer, we have to get you to an exorcist or a doctor or something.”
“Did you tune out to think about giving Harry Potter a blowjob or what? Needy, it’s a giant clit I can fuck people with.” With a wet sound, the cock came back out to play. Needy jumped back as it pointed at her. “Come on. Why don’t you kiss and make-up?”
“Eww! No!”
“Needy, you’re looking at Bitch-Humbler from a perspective of white privilege. Just think of it like that puppy your mom abandoned at CostCo. It likes to be petted, and have its belly rubbed, and dig up Mrs. Mulligan’s bush…”
“You fucked Mrs. Mulligan?”
“Yeah, it was some total MILF Hunter shit.” Jennifer grabbed Needy’s hand and laid it on her thigh. “Come on. Play with him a little and see if he does a trick.”
Needy bit her lip. It was a pretty mean machine, twice as long as Chip’s and as big around as her wrist. And it was Jennifer. She couldn’t see Jen steering her wrong, with or without a hell-spawned penis. And most of all, the closer her hand got to that cock, the sweeter Jennifer’s smile grew…
“Yeah,” Jennifer drawled, eyes closed like she was savoring an IHOP waffle with just the right amount of maple syrup. “It’s a big puppy, isn’t it? Pet him and tell him he’s been a good boy.”
It felt like Chip’s too, only hotter and moist with precum. Needy ran two fingers over it like she was brushing off a fried bologna she’d dropped. It trembled when she touched it, like it was trying to move into the contact. And Jennifer let out these breathy little moans, “uh-huh” and “that’s nice” like she was having all the kinks massaged out of her perfect body. Growing bolder, Needy wrapped her whole hand around the cock. Jennifer whimpered like it was all too much to bear, “holy shit, Needs!” and “yes, Needy, yes.”
Needy blushed. It felt nice to have so much power over Jennifer. She could turn that goddess body inside-out with a little flick of her wrist. Now Jennifer was fully erect, her every muscle tuned to the throbbing hard-on in Needy’s hand. Needy quickly found herself addicted to the pleasure she was giving Jennifer. Her hand blurred up and down Jennifer’s cock, her body bending over it like iron to a magnet. Every now and then she could tear herself away from the sight of the purpling cockhead caged in her hand, only for her gaze to be ripped to Jennifer’s face, mouth split by a wanton lust so pure it made Needy quiver.
Her other hand approached Jennifer, as penitent as any worshipper. Jennifer seized it, held it in front of her plump lips like a carnivore contemplating prey, then moved it to her breast. “Feel my heart,” Jennifer said evenly, transcending the lust electrifying her body. “I think you put it back together.”
Needy lost herself in a simpering smile. Best friends forever. Forever and a day. She pinched Jennifer’s nipple, sharing her smile.
“Dirty girl. You need a bath.” Then Jennifer’s cock went off. Yellowstone the ejaculation. It was just standing there, like Jennifer had taken all of Hugh Hefner’s Viagra for the next month, then it twitched in Needy’s hand, then it fired. Needy’s eyes almost popped out of her head at the sight of the stream of thick, white come gushing out.
A glob of warm come hit Needy right between the eyes, rolled down over her nose. Another slapped her eyebrow, and when she closed her eyes in panic, she felt yet another splatting her eyelid.
“Yeah,” Jennifer leered, “you like my hot cum all over your face, don’t cha?”
“Not really.” At least, that’s what Needy tried to say, but before she could go on about how maybe next time Jennifer could have a bucket ready ahead of time, her mouth was filled with spunk.
She coughed and almost spat it out before thinking about how Jennifer’s mom would freak about splooge on the carpet. She turned around to look for a wastebasket, only to feel Jennifer shoot a load in her hair. That teared it!
“Quit it!” Needy tried to say, in the foot-stamping way that always made Jennifer panic that she really meant it and apologize for a few minutes before playing it all off like a joke, as if she didn’t care what Needy thought. But she still had a mouthful of jizz, so she ended up gurgling “Quib eif!” as Jennifer’s sticky dribbled out from the corners of her lips, streamed down her chin, and trickled onto her breasts. And her bra, which had been on sale.
“Peanuts!”
Jennifer had on a scrumptious smile. Her entire body was tingling as her fist blurred with motion on her cock. Needy’s eyes widened as she realized what her biff was doing.
“Salty roasted peanuts!!”
Jennifer moaned softly, then grunted hard, then moaned softly again. Her hand seemed to be slowing down, and Needy sighed in relief. “Oh, thank—“
“Ah!” Jennifer grunted harshly three times in a row, giving her cock three hard strokes, and then it jumped and fired. “God, I am hardcore at ejaculating!” Grinning wildly, Jennifer moved her cock around with her hand so that she painted Needy’s chest with jets of cum. “Oh, skeet skeet! Hey, check that shit.”
A rope of cock confetti had hooked on both breasts and dangled between Needy’s nipples like a chain.
“It’s not funny!” Needy started to say, but then Jennifer came in her mouth. Again.
“In the face!” Jennifer cheered. “Apply that directly to the forehead!”
Needy gagged, coughing raggedly as she tasted Jennifer’s baby batter. It wasn’t half bad. Kinda like kid’s cough syrup. But she really didn’t want to swallow. It wasn’t man seed, it was demon seed!
While she was still coping with the bukkake, Jennifer got up, one hand still on her cock, and pushed Needy to her knees. Then she lovingly wiped it across Needy’s face, like she was painting a portrait. Needy wondered if this was what it felt like to get hit by a cream pie. If it was, she’d never be able to enjoy a Three Stooges short again.
“You oughta see yourself,” Jennifer giggled, wiping her naughty yogurt off in Needy’s hair. “You look like you overnighted in Japan.”
Needy saw a box of tissue on Jennifer’s bedstand and made a run for it, wiping herself off as fast as she could rip them out.
“Yo, Needs, chillax.” Jennifer sat back down. “Semen is like conditioner, it makes your hair fuller and fights dandruff. Plus, it’s low in calories.”
Needy stuffed her whole hand into the tissue box, pulled out as many as she could, and scrubbed her tongue. “That’s not the point, Jennifer! You hosed me! I have your man-jam in my pores!”
“Yeah, but your pores are, like, huge.”
Needy scowled. She’d run out of tissues, so she just used the box to try to wipe off her bra.
“You want to take a shower?” Jennifer asked considerately.
“Ye-no!” Needy amended, seeing Jennifer reaching for her cock again. “You’ve gone mad with penis-power!”
“Why can’t you ever be happy for me, Needy? Look, I’m apologizing, okay, I’m sorry I turned your face into a Jackson Pollack,” Jennifer paused, like she always did when she made a witty reference she assumed everyone else would need a moment to get and applaud. “I just haven’t fucked anyone in, like, a day and there was a backlog. Next time I’ll masturbate first.”
“You think we’re going to do that again!?”
“Yeah, just give me a few minutes and a picture of Robert Pattinson without a shirt on.”
“Forget it, Jen!” Needy mustered up as much dignity as she could with Cameron Diaz hair. “I’m going home to wash the sin off my tits.”
Jennifer crossed her arms and scowled after Needy. “That’s fine! I’ll just go masturbate this big fat hard-on down. Have you ever given yourself a Stranger? It’s effing awesome!”
***
After three showers and two tubes of toothpaste, plus a promise from Chip that he would bring over his dad’s Listerine, Needy crept into bed. In the morning, 98.7 Magic Street had a news report about a truck of Viagra crashing into the water supply. Jennifer. Needy knew she had to work fast. She drove to the public library and asked the desk lady everything she knew about incubi.
Since the librarian was just there to get credit for community college, that wasn’t much.
So she did research. It was a lot more boring than Buffy made it look, although that was probably because Xander and Oz weren’t there to provide color commentary and look salty.
Everything she read lined up with what Jennifer said. Incubi went around spreading lust, which wasn’t that threatening unless you were Amish.
Someone giggled behind a bookshelf. It wasn’t a Reader’s Digest Humor in Uniform kind of giggle.
School was weird. Er. Jennifer waved at her and Needy almost waved back before she realized her waving hand was also her handjob hand. Everywhere she turned, Jennifer had stained the school like—eww.
Two boys: “But… up the ass?” “Don’t be a fag about this, man! It’s Jennifer! Be glad she doesn’t want a blowjob!”
A cheerleader and a flag girl: “Jennifer says to just sit on a bag of frozen peas.”
Two Goths: “Life is pain.” “Except Jennifer, she’s awesome.”
And then there was Chip: “So I was at the urinal, playing the yellow-cello, when Jennifer comes up next to me, whips out her very own Nine Inch Nail, and starts playing the yellow-cello. (“You used that hip lingo already.”) So I’m trying to figure out the best way to tell her when she goes ‘Hey, Chips Ahoy, would you mind sharing if Needy has something against the cock? Did she see her dad’s mommy machine in the shower and have a trauma or something?’
“Needy, do you and Jennifer want to have a threesome?”
That teared it, again! Needy decided it was time she had a chat with Little Miss Mister. And to do that, she’d have to go into the belly of the beast. Hopefully, the beast spat instead of swallowed.
Since the last time Needy had been there, Jennifer had redecorated in Early Playboy. There were lots of blankets laid out in the yard. Needy doubted they were for a picnic. Inside, some cheerleaders were doing a routine. Needy missed the days when they wore panties.
Jennifer was watching from her throne-y recliner, having grapes fed to her by Roman. “Hey, un-cross-out Needy!” She got up. “You got here just in time, we’re about to practice deep-throating. Banana?”
“No.”
“Cucumber? It has three of my favorite letters in it.”
“I’m not hungry!”
“Thirsty?”
“God, no!”
“Horny?”
“…maybe a little.”
“Heh!” Jennifer jammed her thumbs at herself. “Who’s the sex goddess?”
“You are, Jen,” the nymphomaniacs chanted.
“Are they sweet or what?”
“Jennifer, I have to talk to you,” Needy insisted.
“I have to talk to you too.” Walking over, Jennifer took Needy’s hand and led her away from the Sexaholics Anonymous meeting. “I feel really bad about the way things ended last night, both because it started me on a dry spell for a good two hours and because I deeply value our friendship.”
“That’s… sweet of you.” Needy was led to a bedroom, where Jennifer dimmed the lights and poured a drink from the minibar. “Look, I’m trying to get used to this whole demon-penis-you idea. And… well, it’s not like you’re hurting anyone.”
“Exactly!” Jennifer enthused. “Except for Ashley Kravitz, she’ll have a limp. And Low Shoulder, I pretty much axe-murdered them. But I’d never hurt you! Unless your gal zone is really tight. Then it might get crazy. Margarita?”
“Oh yeah.” Needy drank it in one gulp. “I guess what I’m trying to say.” She hiccupped. “Is would you like to try again?”
The front of Jennifer’s skirt moved. “I’d like that. Hey, would you mind if we got some of the glee club in here? Sex is so much more fun when you have someone to rub your tits for you.”
Needy set her glass aside, swayed toward Jennifer. “I think we should keep things simple for now. Just you, me…” She pulled up Jennifer’s skirt, “and Bitch-Humbler.”
Title: Jennifer’s Hard-On
Fandom: Jennifer’s Body
Rating: R
Word Count: 3,781
Characters/Pairings: Jennifer/Needy
Summary: What if Jennifer was possessed by a boy demon?
It was raining hard the night Needy went to Jennifer’s for a sleepover. Even in the short trip from her car to Jennifer’s front door, the wind snatched at her skirt and punched out her umbrella, letting fat raindrops smack against her glasses. Needy was huddling in the porch, trying to find a dry section of her shirt to wipe them off on, when Jennifer opened the door.
Even without her glasses, the sight of Jennifer struck Needy like a blinding light. She was dressed in a pink robe, the hem only long enough to cover the first mile of her legs, and when Needy put her glasses back on, she saw a tapestry of glossy black hair bracketing Jennifer’s delighted smile.
“You’re all wet,” Jennifer pronounced. “Why don’t you come in and let me warm you up?”
“Yeah, that’d be super,” Needy chattered. When she walked in, she saw a fire raging in the fireplace, puffs of blue decorating the wood.
Before she knew it, Jennifer was on her, rubbing a towel over her face and then lower. “Poor girl,” Jennifer pouted, the towel circling Needy’s breasts. To her horror, Needy found her nipples responding to the warm friction. Thankfully, Jennifer moved on, the towel stroking Needy’s belly free of water. “You could catch pneumonia and die out there. And then I’d have to eat all the s’mores by myself. Boo.”
“I’m fine. Really.”
“Needy, you look like a drowned rat. I want to get you to at least drowned poodle before I let you run around.” With a big smile, Jennifer rubbed the towel over Needy’s crotch, then her ass, then her crotch again. If Needy didn’t know better, she’d say Jennifer was acting like Chip after he got into his dad’s Viagra. But that was ridiculous. Girls like Jennifer never went gay, not when they could have any boy they wanted.
“There,” Jennifer announced, very satisfied with herself (Needy tried hard to dissociate that satisfaction from what base Jennifer had gotten to). She wiped a drop of water from the tip of Needy’s nose. “Drier than Republican vag. Now why don’t you get out of those clothes and into some pajamas? I’ll just go fetch them.”
“Sounds good.” Needy went toward the bathroom.
“Where are you going?”
“The bathroom? Privacy?”
“Don’t be a cokehead, Needy. The fire’s right there, and my parents are off in La Jolla having a third honeymoon. We’re all alone. You don’t need to try to undress in the straitjacket room.”
Along where Jennifer had been rubbing, Needy felt the friction blossom into a raging inferno. “If you’re sure.”
“Oh, I am. BRB,” Jennifer added with a big smile as she hustled up the stairs.
Needy understood, on a Jungian subconscious level, that if she didn’t have her clothes off by the time Jennifer got back, it’d be bad. Her fingers felt numb and unwieldy as she unbuttoned her blouse and shucked off her pants. When Jennifer returned, Needy was sitting on the rug in front of the fireplace, arms and legs crossed over her wet underwear.
“Here,” Jennifer said buoyantly, holding out a bathrobe that was fluffy as a polar bear. Needy got up and stepped into it, letting Jennifer help her tie it shut.
Needy was so cold that for a blissful moment, she couldn’t tell the robe’s warmth from Jennifer’s body heat. It was like Jennifer was embracing her. Definitely a hallucination. Jennifer Check was no hugger. She hadn’t even had teddy bears as a kid. Just a stuffed rattlesnake.
Jennifer pulled the knot shut, then spun Needy around by the shoulders for a look at her. Needy smiled indulgently and, hands on her hips, struck a Sears catalog pose.
“You shouldn’t look so adorable,” Jennifer said, sending Needy’s heart into freefall. Jennifer didn’t fight with her often, but when she did, she knew just where to stick the blade. “Someone might eat you up.”
Needy smiled. It always felt better to be at peace with Jennifer. It made her feel like a Gummi Bear, all sugar and dubious nutrition.
In an instance, Jennifer was strutting off, just slow enough for Needy’s shorter legs to catch up. “So what shall we watch, The Exorcist or Rosemary’s Baby?”
“Whichever’s shorter,” Needy said, not being able to remember which was less scary. “My mom and I are camping out for monster trucks in the morning.”
Without missing a beat, Jennifer detoured into the kitchen, grabbed a Coke from the fridge, and pushed it on Needy like a 1980s drug dealer. “Have you let your English-to-nerd dictionary go out of date? I’m asking which you want to watch first.”
***
Six hours later, the thunderstorm was showing no sign of letting up and not even a caffeine high was enough for Needy to cope with Event Horizon. Jennifer shut off the projection TV with a dramatic flourish, then pulled Needy off the couch. Even the AM couldn’t kill her boundless energy.
Jennifer’s bedroom was just a hop and a skip away. Needy yawned a third of the way there, and every time she stopped for a good one, Jennifer would grab her by the belt and reel her in. Finally, they reached the bed. It was so nice, Needy wanted to have a coma in it.
“C’mon, my mom’s doing laundry in the morning,” Jennifer said, unwinding Needy from the robe. Remembering to feel embarrassed about her waste-not-want-not breasts and her seventies porn muff, Needy hurried herself under the covers.
Jennifer, on the other hand, took her time. She undid the knot on her satin gown with soft motions, then let it drift off her as she carried Needy’s bathrobe to the door. The gown worked its way down as slowly as a flower petal, seeming to meld with the shadows and moonlight that flowed over Jennifer. Needy saw, in snatches, the hummingbirds tattooed on Jennifer’s back that seemed about to take flight with each flex, then the vibrant curve of her ass, and finally her legs, growing from her compact thighs as perfectly as a flower’s stems.
“Are you scared?” Jennifer asked as she walked toward the bed. Lightning flashed, offering Needy a peepshow glimpse of her nudity. The pink of her nipples, the tantalizing shadow between her legs…
Needy wasn’t huddled under the covers because of the lightning. It had a lot more to do with her nipples popping up and sweat flooding her skin. “No! It’s just rain… and lightning… and maybe a tornado.”
“Aw, poor Needy.” Jennifer slunk under the covers, ending up an uncomfortably comfortable distance from Needy. “I’ll protect you.”
“It’s just I don’t like loud noises,” Needy protested once more.
Jennifer’s face was filled with that caring smirk that only she could pull off as she cuddled close to Needy. Usually, it made Needy feel warm and loved, like she was Jennifer’s teddy bear. Now, it felt off. “We just need to find you something else to think about,” Jennifer cooed in Needy’s ear. “Something big… and long… and hard…”
Something brushed against Needy’s thigh.
“Jen!” Needy pulled away, and Jennifer held on a minute before letting her go. “Eww! What is that?”
“What’s what?”
“Something just moved past my leg!”
Jennifer’s eyes lit up. “Maybe it was a rat!”
“Stop it!” Needy crossed her arms, broadcasting ‘unamused’ like NPR. “God! You can be such a ‘mo.”
Jennifer’s face fell. “I’m sorry, Needs. It was just my cock.”
Needy was so shocked she didn’t even consider it was a joke. “Your what?”
“You know, a penis, as in mine? See?” Jennifer pulled the sheets back.
There it was. It was like Richard Chamberlain: tall, hard, and possibly full of semen.
Needy backed into the wall. “Jennifer, what is that!?”
“What, this?” Jennifer gave it a little tap that made it go like a metronome. Needy couldn’t look away. It was like a car wreck with testicles. “I know you’re sheltered, Needy, but every girl should know where babies came from. Otherwise, where’s Jesus gonna put all the little baby souls?”
“I know what it is! Where’d you get it?”
“Why? Want one?” Jennifer stood up, stretched. It hung down to midthigh. “We could always share.”
Needy ran for the bathroom. Lightning flashed and in-between the crackles, Jennifer was there. She cupped Needy’s chin affectionately. “Okay, geez, I’ll tell you. Don’t freak out like that time I got a tattoo and you thought I had AIDS.”
“Could you please cover that up?”
“Like, with a condom?”
Needy grabbed a towel and threw it at Jennifer. With a sigh, she (he?) wrapped it around her waist. That didn’t do anything to hide her rack, but at least Needy was used to that.
Jennifer put an arm around Needy’s shoulders and led her back to the bed. “You remember that band that pretty much kidnapped me? Well, big shock, they’re third-world president evil. They sacrificed me to Satan for a record deal. It was crazy traumatic. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to enjoy their music again.”
“Wait.” Needy put her hands on Jennifer’s arms, a compromise on her desire to hug Jennifer and declare a jihad on anyone who’d think of hurting her. “They killed you?”
“Yeah, and they seemed so cool, right? Luck-fuck, they suck at it and I only got possessed by a demon. Whatevs.”
“A demon?”
“Could you think up a better way of holding up your end of the conversation? Because repeating some random word I say isn’t very smart, and geek girl is the only look you really rock.”
“Sorry.”
“S’okay. Yeah, my body is a demonic time-share. His name is Baal, he’s an incubus, and he manifests as this monster cock. Basically, he feeds on lust, so I give virgins limps and he makes me look like Olivia Wilde. All classy and immortal and shit.”
“You’re saying you’ve used that thing!”
“I call it Bitch-Humbler. And yeah, it’s like a really big clit I put inside people. And if they’re virgins, I get superpowers. I can see in the dark, it’s badass. And look,” Jennifer opened the towel to reveal a perfectly feminine taco, hold the beef, “it’s retractable, so I can wear a skirt without worrying about pulling a Lady Gaga.”
“Jennifer, we have to get you to an exorcist or a doctor or something.”
“Did you tune out to think about giving Harry Potter a blowjob or what? Needy, it’s a giant clit I can fuck people with.” With a wet sound, the cock came back out to play. Needy jumped back as it pointed at her. “Come on. Why don’t you kiss and make-up?”
“Eww! No!”
“Needy, you’re looking at Bitch-Humbler from a perspective of white privilege. Just think of it like that puppy your mom abandoned at CostCo. It likes to be petted, and have its belly rubbed, and dig up Mrs. Mulligan’s bush…”
“You fucked Mrs. Mulligan?”
“Yeah, it was some total MILF Hunter shit.” Jennifer grabbed Needy’s hand and laid it on her thigh. “Come on. Play with him a little and see if he does a trick.”
Needy bit her lip. It was a pretty mean machine, twice as long as Chip’s and as big around as her wrist. And it was Jennifer. She couldn’t see Jen steering her wrong, with or without a hell-spawned penis. And most of all, the closer her hand got to that cock, the sweeter Jennifer’s smile grew…
“Yeah,” Jennifer drawled, eyes closed like she was savoring an IHOP waffle with just the right amount of maple syrup. “It’s a big puppy, isn’t it? Pet him and tell him he’s been a good boy.”
It felt like Chip’s too, only hotter and moist with precum. Needy ran two fingers over it like she was brushing off a fried bologna she’d dropped. It trembled when she touched it, like it was trying to move into the contact. And Jennifer let out these breathy little moans, “uh-huh” and “that’s nice” like she was having all the kinks massaged out of her perfect body. Growing bolder, Needy wrapped her whole hand around the cock. Jennifer whimpered like it was all too much to bear, “holy shit, Needs!” and “yes, Needy, yes.”
Needy blushed. It felt nice to have so much power over Jennifer. She could turn that goddess body inside-out with a little flick of her wrist. Now Jennifer was fully erect, her every muscle tuned to the throbbing hard-on in Needy’s hand. Needy quickly found herself addicted to the pleasure she was giving Jennifer. Her hand blurred up and down Jennifer’s cock, her body bending over it like iron to a magnet. Every now and then she could tear herself away from the sight of the purpling cockhead caged in her hand, only for her gaze to be ripped to Jennifer’s face, mouth split by a wanton lust so pure it made Needy quiver.
Her other hand approached Jennifer, as penitent as any worshipper. Jennifer seized it, held it in front of her plump lips like a carnivore contemplating prey, then moved it to her breast. “Feel my heart,” Jennifer said evenly, transcending the lust electrifying her body. “I think you put it back together.”
Needy lost herself in a simpering smile. Best friends forever. Forever and a day. She pinched Jennifer’s nipple, sharing her smile.
“Dirty girl. You need a bath.” Then Jennifer’s cock went off. Yellowstone the ejaculation. It was just standing there, like Jennifer had taken all of Hugh Hefner’s Viagra for the next month, then it twitched in Needy’s hand, then it fired. Needy’s eyes almost popped out of her head at the sight of the stream of thick, white come gushing out.
A glob of warm come hit Needy right between the eyes, rolled down over her nose. Another slapped her eyebrow, and when she closed her eyes in panic, she felt yet another splatting her eyelid.
“Yeah,” Jennifer leered, “you like my hot cum all over your face, don’t cha?”
“Not really.” At least, that’s what Needy tried to say, but before she could go on about how maybe next time Jennifer could have a bucket ready ahead of time, her mouth was filled with spunk.
She coughed and almost spat it out before thinking about how Jennifer’s mom would freak about splooge on the carpet. She turned around to look for a wastebasket, only to feel Jennifer shoot a load in her hair. That teared it!
“Quit it!” Needy tried to say, in the foot-stamping way that always made Jennifer panic that she really meant it and apologize for a few minutes before playing it all off like a joke, as if she didn’t care what Needy thought. But she still had a mouthful of jizz, so she ended up gurgling “Quib eif!” as Jennifer’s sticky dribbled out from the corners of her lips, streamed down her chin, and trickled onto her breasts. And her bra, which had been on sale.
“Peanuts!”
Jennifer had on a scrumptious smile. Her entire body was tingling as her fist blurred with motion on her cock. Needy’s eyes widened as she realized what her biff was doing.
“Salty roasted peanuts!!”
Jennifer moaned softly, then grunted hard, then moaned softly again. Her hand seemed to be slowing down, and Needy sighed in relief. “Oh, thank—“
“Ah!” Jennifer grunted harshly three times in a row, giving her cock three hard strokes, and then it jumped and fired. “God, I am hardcore at ejaculating!” Grinning wildly, Jennifer moved her cock around with her hand so that she painted Needy’s chest with jets of cum. “Oh, skeet skeet! Hey, check that shit.”
A rope of cock confetti had hooked on both breasts and dangled between Needy’s nipples like a chain.
“It’s not funny!” Needy started to say, but then Jennifer came in her mouth. Again.
“In the face!” Jennifer cheered. “Apply that directly to the forehead!”
Needy gagged, coughing raggedly as she tasted Jennifer’s baby batter. It wasn’t half bad. Kinda like kid’s cough syrup. But she really didn’t want to swallow. It wasn’t man seed, it was demon seed!
While she was still coping with the bukkake, Jennifer got up, one hand still on her cock, and pushed Needy to her knees. Then she lovingly wiped it across Needy’s face, like she was painting a portrait. Needy wondered if this was what it felt like to get hit by a cream pie. If it was, she’d never be able to enjoy a Three Stooges short again.
“You oughta see yourself,” Jennifer giggled, wiping her naughty yogurt off in Needy’s hair. “You look like you overnighted in Japan.”
Needy saw a box of tissue on Jennifer’s bedstand and made a run for it, wiping herself off as fast as she could rip them out.
“Yo, Needs, chillax.” Jennifer sat back down. “Semen is like conditioner, it makes your hair fuller and fights dandruff. Plus, it’s low in calories.”
Needy stuffed her whole hand into the tissue box, pulled out as many as she could, and scrubbed her tongue. “That’s not the point, Jennifer! You hosed me! I have your man-jam in my pores!”
“Yeah, but your pores are, like, huge.”
Needy scowled. She’d run out of tissues, so she just used the box to try to wipe off her bra.
“You want to take a shower?” Jennifer asked considerately.
“Ye-no!” Needy amended, seeing Jennifer reaching for her cock again. “You’ve gone mad with penis-power!”
“Why can’t you ever be happy for me, Needy? Look, I’m apologizing, okay, I’m sorry I turned your face into a Jackson Pollack,” Jennifer paused, like she always did when she made a witty reference she assumed everyone else would need a moment to get and applaud. “I just haven’t fucked anyone in, like, a day and there was a backlog. Next time I’ll masturbate first.”
“You think we’re going to do that again!?”
“Yeah, just give me a few minutes and a picture of Robert Pattinson without a shirt on.”
“Forget it, Jen!” Needy mustered up as much dignity as she could with Cameron Diaz hair. “I’m going home to wash the sin off my tits.”
Jennifer crossed her arms and scowled after Needy. “That’s fine! I’ll just go masturbate this big fat hard-on down. Have you ever given yourself a Stranger? It’s effing awesome!”
***
After three showers and two tubes of toothpaste, plus a promise from Chip that he would bring over his dad’s Listerine, Needy crept into bed. In the morning, 98.7 Magic Street had a news report about a truck of Viagra crashing into the water supply. Jennifer. Needy knew she had to work fast. She drove to the public library and asked the desk lady everything she knew about incubi.
Since the librarian was just there to get credit for community college, that wasn’t much.
So she did research. It was a lot more boring than Buffy made it look, although that was probably because Xander and Oz weren’t there to provide color commentary and look salty.
Everything she read lined up with what Jennifer said. Incubi went around spreading lust, which wasn’t that threatening unless you were Amish.
Someone giggled behind a bookshelf. It wasn’t a Reader’s Digest Humor in Uniform kind of giggle.
School was weird. Er. Jennifer waved at her and Needy almost waved back before she realized her waving hand was also her handjob hand. Everywhere she turned, Jennifer had stained the school like—eww.
Two boys: “But… up the ass?” “Don’t be a fag about this, man! It’s Jennifer! Be glad she doesn’t want a blowjob!”
A cheerleader and a flag girl: “Jennifer says to just sit on a bag of frozen peas.”
Two Goths: “Life is pain.” “Except Jennifer, she’s awesome.”
And then there was Chip: “So I was at the urinal, playing the yellow-cello, when Jennifer comes up next to me, whips out her very own Nine Inch Nail, and starts playing the yellow-cello. (“You used that hip lingo already.”) So I’m trying to figure out the best way to tell her when she goes ‘Hey, Chips Ahoy, would you mind sharing if Needy has something against the cock? Did she see her dad’s mommy machine in the shower and have a trauma or something?’
“Needy, do you and Jennifer want to have a threesome?”
That teared it, again! Needy decided it was time she had a chat with Little Miss Mister. And to do that, she’d have to go into the belly of the beast. Hopefully, the beast spat instead of swallowed.
Since the last time Needy had been there, Jennifer had redecorated in Early Playboy. There were lots of blankets laid out in the yard. Needy doubted they were for a picnic. Inside, some cheerleaders were doing a routine. Needy missed the days when they wore panties.
Jennifer was watching from her throne-y recliner, having grapes fed to her by Roman. “Hey, un-cross-out Needy!” She got up. “You got here just in time, we’re about to practice deep-throating. Banana?”
“No.”
“Cucumber? It has three of my favorite letters in it.”
“I’m not hungry!”
“Thirsty?”
“God, no!”
“Horny?”
“…maybe a little.”
“Heh!” Jennifer jammed her thumbs at herself. “Who’s the sex goddess?”
“You are, Jen,” the nymphomaniacs chanted.
“Are they sweet or what?”
“Jennifer, I have to talk to you,” Needy insisted.
“I have to talk to you too.” Walking over, Jennifer took Needy’s hand and led her away from the Sexaholics Anonymous meeting. “I feel really bad about the way things ended last night, both because it started me on a dry spell for a good two hours and because I deeply value our friendship.”
“That’s… sweet of you.” Needy was led to a bedroom, where Jennifer dimmed the lights and poured a drink from the minibar. “Look, I’m trying to get used to this whole demon-penis-you idea. And… well, it’s not like you’re hurting anyone.”
“Exactly!” Jennifer enthused. “Except for Ashley Kravitz, she’ll have a limp. And Low Shoulder, I pretty much axe-murdered them. But I’d never hurt you! Unless your gal zone is really tight. Then it might get crazy. Margarita?”
“Oh yeah.” Needy drank it in one gulp. “I guess what I’m trying to say.” She hiccupped. “Is would you like to try again?”
The front of Jennifer’s skirt moved. “I’d like that. Hey, would you mind if we got some of the glee club in here? Sex is so much more fun when you have someone to rub your tits for you.”
Needy set her glass aside, swayed toward Jennifer. “I think we should keep things simple for now. Just you, me…” She pulled up Jennifer’s skirt, “and Bitch-Humbler.”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-10-21 09:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-21 11:20 pm (UTC)Poor Needy, taking it all in the face and not getting to get off.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-21 11:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-22 12:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-22 12:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-22 12:35 am (UTC)Is there a part 2 planned? Does Needy try to free Jennifer of the demonic possession?? Or does Needy become Jennifer's love slave! :)
no subject
Date: 2009-10-22 12:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-22 12:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-23 01:30 am (UTC)I, literally, laughed for a minute straight after reading that.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-28 01:34 am (UTC)dialog porn
Date: 2012-04-28 12:59 am (UTC)Okay this is me giving crack feedback, partially thru a one sided (me typing into a chat window) crackchat at the bottom. Or maybe it's cockfeedback? God I love this fic. SO MUCH. I just love that SOMEBODY wrote it. BUT THEN YOU WENT AND WROTE IT SO WELL.
Your grasp of the film's dialog style is KEY. I... SO GOOD.
SNATCHED AT HER SKIRT
*SNATCHED*
all sugar and dubious nutrition
Like the other commenter, I laughed for a full minute at that. You understand the dialog! This is a rare gift!
"Here,” Jennifer said buoyantly, holding out a bathrobe that was fluffy as a polar bear. Needy got up and stepped into it, letting Jennifer help her tie it shut.
Tiny crit. It's not clear from the above that in the below Jennifer is behind Needy. I mean it is if I think thru the three-dimensional aspects, but I didn't know I'd need it later.
The gown worked its way down as slowly as a flower petal
That's just so... pretty, all by itself. It's such well done imagery and also ohfucksohot.
Needy couldn’t look away. It was like a car wreck with testicles.
That is just... the visual.
“Could you please cover that up?”
“Like, with a condom?”
::cackles:: It's like being back in the movie. That dialog is so purely... something. But whatever it is it is PURE.
It was crazy traumatic. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to enjoy their music again.
I love Jennifer so very much. Or I love you so very much for bringing her back to the fore.
And if they’re virgins, I get superpowers. I can see in the dark, it’s badass.
I love you. Can I offer you babies? Dead babies I mean. As a sacrifice.
Come on. Play with him a little and see if he does a trick.
I'm sorry I can't stop quoting the Jennifer text back at you. It's just... every time I read the PURE dialog I see Megan Fox's mouth saying the words. Every. Time.
She couldn’t see Jen steering her wrong, with or without a hell-spawned penis.
Oh god if only the movie had given us this kind of faith (and penis porn). 'Course it would've helped if Jennifer hadn't tried to eat Chip in the unfun way.
I... don't think I can comment on the actual porn. Except to say I want more. Blow jobs are hot.
Another slapped her eyebrow, and when she closed her eyes in panic, she felt yet another splatting her eyelid.
::sporfle:: YES!! LIKE THAT!! ::cackles a lot:: So... wrong. Yet so right.
coughing raggedly as she tasted Jennifer’s baby batter.
So this is how Needy gets demon seed in her? I love your innovation.
bukkake
I... I love you so much right now. Just... there are no words for happy that bukkake makes me. ::nowords::
Two boys: “But… up the ass?” “Don’t be a fag about this, man! It’s Jennifer! Be glad she doesn’t want a blowjob!”
I guess it's not pegging if you can actually grow a pair.
And Low Shoulder, I pretty much axe-murdered them.
Yay! And I didn't understand that about the film. Why didn't Jennifer go after them?! I mean I totally understand the ending and I liked Needing strutting off into the night after Low Shoulder, but still! Jennifer should've totally eaten them. And fucked Needy. A lot.
And now... crackchat!
AND I will read that damn fic rightnow
::does so::
SNATCHED AT HER SKIRT
*SNATCHED*
... the wind I mean. ::giggles::
::laffs with hi-larity:: all sugar and dubious nutrition
she understands the dialog!
::cackles:: POODLE.
gown worked its way down as slowly as a flower petal,
caring smirk. hee
::LAFFITY LAFF LAFF LAFFFFFFFFFS:: Jennifer’s eyes lit up. “Maybe it was a rat!”
JENNIFER'S EYES LIT UP
EYES LIT UP
oh god. Can I live here?
It was like a car wreck with testicles
If I ever rename my LJ again....
so whimsical
::sporfle:: It just doesn't get old...
it’s a giant clit I can fuck people with.” With a wet sound, the cock came back out to play.
giant clit. fuck people.
“It’s a big puppy, isn’t it? Pet him and tell him he’s been a good boy.”
Every time Jennifer makes a "p" or "b" sound I just picture Megan Fox's hot lips being all hot. And damn.
[/crackchat]
I &heart; you. So. Much. I hope there's more fic in here.
Great job
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