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seriousficX-Men Origins: Wolverine
No, not the movie, I believe I already covered that (my review: "No."). The game, which is actually pretty sweet. It's yet another God of War clone, but with Hugh Jackman's Wolverine, making it a perfect rental in case you're wondering "Hey, what if Hugh Jackman starred in a movie of God of War?" In fact, it's a great rental all around. I beat the game on Normal and Hard and got most of the achievements during one week. Still, I was never bored. This is probably the best movie game since Goldeneye, which I know isn't saying much, but still... Goldeneye.
The biggest issue is the story. Besides the clunky title, Wolverine inherits its source material's go-nowhere story and does it one worse by splitting up the Africa prologue into several missions, leading up into a "revelation" that goes off with all the impact of dynamite made from coffee beans. It gets old fast. Everytime you've finished a mission, you have to go back to that fucking jungle and ruins set to fight more fucking lava monsters. By the end of the game you’ll have killed more Africans than AIDS and Lethal Weapon 2 combined.
Aside from that, I noted a severe lack of polish. In the Gambit boss fight, there was a quick-time event that you failed if you jammed the buttons too fast. It's a real shame that having to come out at the same time as a mediocre movie ruined a pretty cool game.
On a sidenote, the game becomes 50% more awesome once you deck Logan out in the 90s TAS costume instead of a tanktop. Awwww yeah.
Feast
Okay, it's a horror-comedy that's not too funny. They have one joke and that's "monsters humpin' stuff" and all it does is make the (pretty cool) monsters less intimidating. The only other joke is that each character gets little intro screens that predict their life expectancy and such. It's a good joke, even if it does ruin the (also pretty rote) subversions the movie does. Also, these are some of the flattest comic relief characters that have ever been scripted. Henry Rollins, playing a motivational speaker, does a spiel and the "hilarious" rejoinder is just "Are you gay?" Nothing happening there.
Also, it's amazing how much the movie cribs from From Dusk Til Dawn (especially considering how bad it wants to be Tremors). Basically, cut out the opening half with Quentin Tarantino and George Clooney running from the law and that's this movie. There's an alternate ending on the DVD that, if included, would've had QT phoning his lawyer.
On the other side of the equation, the horror stuff is pretty solid. Nothing you haven't seen before, but the movie doesn't stray too far from the lines its betters did, except in throwing in a lot of shakycam nonsense. So if you're getting bored of Dog Soldiers and The Descent, it's a good enough addition to your Netflix queue.
No, not the movie, I believe I already covered that (my review: "No."). The game, which is actually pretty sweet. It's yet another God of War clone, but with Hugh Jackman's Wolverine, making it a perfect rental in case you're wondering "Hey, what if Hugh Jackman starred in a movie of God of War?" In fact, it's a great rental all around. I beat the game on Normal and Hard and got most of the achievements during one week. Still, I was never bored. This is probably the best movie game since Goldeneye, which I know isn't saying much, but still... Goldeneye.
The biggest issue is the story. Besides the clunky title, Wolverine inherits its source material's go-nowhere story and does it one worse by splitting up the Africa prologue into several missions, leading up into a "revelation" that goes off with all the impact of dynamite made from coffee beans. It gets old fast. Everytime you've finished a mission, you have to go back to that fucking jungle and ruins set to fight more fucking lava monsters. By the end of the game you’ll have killed more Africans than AIDS and Lethal Weapon 2 combined.
Aside from that, I noted a severe lack of polish. In the Gambit boss fight, there was a quick-time event that you failed if you jammed the buttons too fast. It's a real shame that having to come out at the same time as a mediocre movie ruined a pretty cool game.
On a sidenote, the game becomes 50% more awesome once you deck Logan out in the 90s TAS costume instead of a tanktop. Awwww yeah.
Feast
Okay, it's a horror-comedy that's not too funny. They have one joke and that's "monsters humpin' stuff" and all it does is make the (pretty cool) monsters less intimidating. The only other joke is that each character gets little intro screens that predict their life expectancy and such. It's a good joke, even if it does ruin the (also pretty rote) subversions the movie does. Also, these are some of the flattest comic relief characters that have ever been scripted. Henry Rollins, playing a motivational speaker, does a spiel and the "hilarious" rejoinder is just "Are you gay?" Nothing happening there.
Also, it's amazing how much the movie cribs from From Dusk Til Dawn (especially considering how bad it wants to be Tremors). Basically, cut out the opening half with Quentin Tarantino and George Clooney running from the law and that's this movie. There's an alternate ending on the DVD that, if included, would've had QT phoning his lawyer.
On the other side of the equation, the horror stuff is pretty solid. Nothing you haven't seen before, but the movie doesn't stray too far from the lines its betters did, except in throwing in a lot of shakycam nonsense. So if you're getting bored of Dog Soldiers and The Descent, it's a good enough addition to your Netflix queue.
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no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 01:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-25 12:03 am (UTC)As far as the Wolverine game, all I want to know is - does Wolverine take off his shirt? Which, quite frankly, is the only reason I sat through that crap-ass movie. It also explains my obsession with Jason Statham.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-25 04:01 am (UTC)Yeah, vintage Dude Not Funny. If they just replaced all that shit with people getting clawed on, you'd have... well, an actual horror movie.
As far as the Wolverine game, all I want to know is - does Wolverine take off his shirt?
They actually have this feature where when he takes damage, his shirt gets ripped and he gets all bloody, then he regenerates and... well, the shirt doesn't. Between that and Hulk: Ultimate Destruction, I don't see why we can't have a She-Hulk game. Someone get Tim Schafer on that. A She-Hulk game with Wolverine's
fan servicebattle damage, Hulk's SMASH, and Monkey Island's meta-humor would be, like, Marvel's Arkham Asylum without the crappy character designs.