Gaaaaaaa

[seriousfic]

Back from nine hours of work. Little known cared about fact about movie theaters. Theaters operate in rounds. One movie starts, another starts twenty minutes later, and so on and so on until all the auditoriums are playing. That way, the ticket-taker and the box office and the concessionist (that guy who gives you popcorn, yo) can all have a go (this is called a round) and then when all the movies stop playing the ushers step in to clean them out, one after the other. So there's about a... forty-five minute, one hour, even around two hours where there's nothing to do. Ticket-takers, of course, make sure no one sneaks in and get the people who come in late. Concessionists refill popcorn and drinks. Ushers do jack. We (I was working usher today; it rotates) check the restrooms, walk around cleaning up the places that are technically the responsibility of the ticket-takers and concessionists, and sometimes do theater walk-throughs (that annoying thing where someone walks through the theater with a little lightsaber in the middle of your movie... don't worry, I don't walk across the screen) when the ticket-takers don't have to do it.

So, during the off-rounds, people take breaks or, if things are slow and no one cares and you've been there six hours and you just spent the last two hours hurrying from theater to theater to clean up after some ungrateful slobs... well, you sit down in the back-row of the theater playing 10,000 BC and watch the previews to kill time until the next theater needs to be cleaned. And the great part? One of my managers was doing the exact same thing. The job has its moments.

Speed Racer - Eyecandy. The Wachowski Bros had better not put in some pretentious anti-whatever wankery in there, because the premise of "guy with a silly name goes really fast" won't support it. See "sequels, the Matrix."

Iron Man - I think I finally get it. Marvel is making 616!Tony a fascist dickwad so that we'll be starved for a heroic, likeable Tony Stark come May, when we'll all rush into theaters to get the fix we're not getting from the comic books. Brilliant.

Wanted - Looks good. I must admit, replacing Halle Berry and Eminem with Angelina Jolie and Mr. Tumnus was a good call. And while I can appreciate that no one with two brain cells would want to do a straight adaptation of Mark Millar's piece of shit -- son, it ain't the 90s anymore, why would I want to read about one group of evil, amoral sociopaths triumphing over a slightly worse bunch of evil, amoral sociopaths? When the moral high ground is occupied by the "heroes" who rape and kill indisciminately, but don't kill children cuz that would be wrong, count me out -- but really, once you're pulling stuff like bending bullets and a secret fraternity of assassins and stuff, why even call it Wanted? Save some money on licensing and call it Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium 2: The Quickening or whatever.

It's a shame, because the central premise of a world run by supervillains is sound. If only Millar hadn't thought up the premise, then immediately gone for bullshit shock value like he always does. Say, the "good" guys are running with a Dr. Doom type who wants to rule humanity "for its own good", while the "bad" guys are... well, the good guys in Millar's comic. People who just want to watch the world burn for shits and giggles. And the hero has to decide to do the right thing instead of "having fun," turning against an entire secret dictatorship all by himself, trying to bring back the superheroes... it'd be good for what ails you.

The Dark Knight - WANT!

Sex In The City - Dire. So fucking dire. TPTB, next time you make a TV show/movie all about single women having sex, make sure they're people that America wants to see having sex, kthxbye.

Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - Finally, a pretty boy who's last name isn't Pevensie! The shippers finally have a pairing that isn't incesty or Mr. Tumnus/Lucy (seriously, people, I'd rather read White Witch/Edmund... now that I think about it...). I'll probably watch it, just to laugh at how hard Phillip Pullman's ass is getting kicked. What's that, Phil? Your "atheist Chronicles of Narnia" flopped hardcore and bankrupted New Line and now the real Chronicles of Narnia is stomping your ass? It's almost as if there's some higher power that has it out for you. Wonder why.

Indiana Jones And The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Joke about the name. Joke about how old Harrison Ford is. But admit it -- when Indy picked up his hat, you came.

Sidenote: I adjusted my watch for daylight savings time and it was a bitch. It has these little tiny buttons and I have these great big man-hands (seriously, if I asked Ice Cube to thumb-wrestle, he would probably be like "hell no, I ain't no suicide case!"), so... yeah.

Also, spent a surprisingly long amount of time writing on my notepad. You just don't have a fantasy novel until the hero snaps a rib-bone off a skeleton and stabs it through a bad guy's jaw, then says "I've got a bone to pick with you." Eat that, Silmarillion!

Comments

[glemsydoodles.livejournal.com]

Don't know what you're talking about. Having great big man-hands rocks. Then again, I don't expect that most giant-handed people make a habit of playing the works of angsty late Romantic composers on piano...but it goes fairly well for me.

And the world really needs more movies along the lines of "guy with a silly name goes really fast". It'll be summer soon!

[seriousfic.livejournal.com]

Wally West is a silly name when you think about it...

[glemsydoodles.livejournal.com]

Please be listening, movie directors. Please please pretty please...