Smallville 8x20

[seriousfic]

Okay, so on the whole, I liked this more than I disliked it. It really was a well-done episode, apart from spending way too much time on Lana Lang Jimmy Olsen, who is clearly only on this show because... ummm... I guess Sam Witwer's contract would cost too much to renew? Seriously, Lionel Luthor's moldering corpse is more compelling than him.

So we start with Chloe in a LONG FLOWING NIGHTGOWN getting ready for bed when Davis calls her, needing "comforting" after a bad dream (it was hard to hear, they put on music with lyrics over this vital dialogue). Apparently this is a regular occurrence at Casa Doomsday. Well, the inevitable happens, and the comforting turned out to be of the "I find it very comforting to light candles and strew flower petals around and happen to have a box of condoms nearby" variety.

Chloe: Jimmy, how could you send me an e-mail calling me a cunt? I mean, Clark, how could you mind-wipe me? I mean, Davis, how could you go out to get candles and flowers for a romantic evening? ... whoa, this is actually a problem I have?

Then there was a make-out party, which was way too short. I'm just saying, for maximum effect it should've been more sexilicious, ya know, the eros and the thanatos. If we can spend a couple of minutes on Lex/Lana or Clark/Alicia, surely we can get some bodice-ripping. I mean, LONG FLOWING NIGHTGOWN.

But then Chloe finds a track of blood, which leads to...

Davis: PSYCHE! While I was out, I also picked up Clark's torso!

Chloe: AHHHHHHHHH!

Davis: What, you wanted his lower half too? It's the thought that counts.

Chloe: AHHHHHHHH-oh god, what a terrible dream! I hadn't had sex with Davis! (picks up cell-phone) Hello, Davis? I had a bad dream. I need to be comforted. Did you set your ringtone to "bow chicka wow wow" again?

On the bright side, BASEMENT SEX being a dream means that either it hasn't happened yet, or it happened WEEKS ago. You tell me which is more likely.

Then there was The Ollie And Jimmy Subplot of Doom, that patented Smallville science in which the creators desperately try to make a character remain relevant by crowbarring them into a new role.

Ollie: Jimmy, you need help. Let me pay for you to go to a rehab clinic.

Jimmy: HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A DRUG ADDICT JUST BECAUSE I'M ADDICTED TO DRUGS! GOOD DAY SIR!

Yeah, Jimmy? Less likable than the monstrous serial killer. Takes some doing.

Then they finally got around to having Superman in the show about Superman and Clark came along to investigate Davis while Chloe lied her ass off because she didn't trust him. Ah, sweet, sweet poetic justice. Half the episode was Clark going "There's no way Chloe would dump me for Doomsday!" and the other half was Chloe going "Yeah, he actually sexes me up instead of telling me what a good friend I am and pining for Lana, so yes, I am dumping you for Doomsday." Which I liked. But there was also a lot of shit about Ollie, the cold-blooded murderer, lecturing Chloe on morals.

Then Chloe suggested she and Davis LEAVE SMALLVILLE FOREVER for a better show, presumably because some of the sex acts they wanna try at illegal in the state of Kansas. All was going swimmingly until Jimmy came by to steal some of Chloe's money (it's amazing how in every scene he manages to out-douche himself). Ollie found him, and then DAVIS SMASH! See, Chloe, this is what happens when you get all hot and bothered by Davis busting up a goon the one time.

Davis: Alright, sorry I had to tie you guys up, but I'm really trying to keep the monster inside me under control, so as long as we all keep calm until Chloe gets here, we'll be just...

Jimmy: FREAK! ASSHOLE! MONSTER!

Ollie: Jimmy, your ability to keep cool under pressure has inspired me to give you a job. And with me handing out high-paying jobs to my drug addict friends instead of people actually qualified for them, it's no wonder Luthorcorp is merging with me!

Jimmy: Are you sure? I only solved the Doomsday case because I happened to see him do it. Complete happenstance. I didn't even manage to convince anyone I was right, Davis was so much more awesome than me.

Then Clark showed up and dragged Davis off to the Fortress. There was a big three-way confrontation between Clark, Davis, and Chloe that ended awesomely with Chloe telling Clark to shove off and then going on the run with her new man, NEVER TO SEE CLARK AGAIN. It was about a million times more affecting than when Lana left Smallville forever for the billionth time. Then more boring stuff with Ollie The Murdering Douche and Davis got Chloe a candy heart in a gas station. Damn, that man is all game, no shame.

Also, HI DR. GAETA!

Anyway, dislikes, the episode seemed pretty set on playing Chloe as only staying with Ollie so Clark wouldn't feel guilty about sending someone into the Phantom Zone, like he hasn't done that a hundred times before. It's inconsistent with the characters and it's just poor drama. When Davis is inevitably killed, which is the more emotional aftermath?

Chloe: Oh, thank God I don't have to spend any more time with him. C'mon, Clark, let's go back to not having sex.

Or!

Chloe: OH NO! DAVIS! THE LOVE OF MY LIFE! HOW WILL I GO ON!?

I can fan-wank that everything Chloe said was a combination of letting Clark down easy and denial on her part, but could they lay off the wangst for one second and play it as a tragic romance? I mean, shit, we suffered through eight seasons of Clark and Lana's "star-crossed romance," can't we have one canon indication of feelings on Chloe's part? The alternative turns a tragic story of doomed love into one big circle jerk, where Davis is a sap, Chloe's a manipulative witch, and Clark's... the big dumb damn hero... sigh.

I suppose I shouldn't expect much from storytellers who had Clark betray Chloe in the most personal way imaginable and then had her LITERALLY forget about it. I mean, couldn't the mind-wipe come into play here just a little bit? Have it tip the balance from Clark to Davis, have Clark face the consequences of his actions instead of getting a free pass. And don't turn an epic tragedy into Clark slaying the monster and saving the girl. It's just tacky.