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John Carter And The Princess of Mars
Mar. 20th, 2012 06:36 pmThat should've been the title. It gets in some branding to make sequel titles easier ("John Carter And The Waters of Mars," etc), it retains the novel's title to appeal to women, it's intriguing ("There are princesses on Mars?"), and it even implies the romance. The other suggestion I've heard, John Carter: A Princess of Mars, suggests a wacky cross-dressing sci-fi comedy. Which, you know, I would be willing to watch.
I couldn't find a picture of Taylor Kitsch in a dress, so here's a picture of him as Gambit. Same difference.
Now, having read the book, I can actually appreciate the adaptation more. They had to impose a three-act structure and all it entails--antagonist, character arcs, so forth--on what was almost stream-of-consciousness writing. The movie had to give emotional resonance to a series of random encounters from a D&D campaign. And they did a good job; I'd say the movie is actually better than the book. But the biggest tragedy of all this--the failed marketing campaign, the overblown budget--all went into a movie that at best was "pretty good." This wasn't like Scott Pilgrim where some sublime work of genius got waylaid for Dragonball Evolution. There was some good stuff in the book they actually cut out to add in new plot, which didn't work as well as it could have.
Specifically, the Therns. They don't even show up in the first book, but the second book, where they're a bunch of religious fanatics. The movie amps them up into, I guess, a race of interstellar parasites who are manipulating all of Mars into self-destructing so they can feed on the chaos. Somehow. There's a good idea there, especially in making the Therns more of a threat instead of making the villains of a sequel the "black devils" of the book, but they're just too much of a presence. I feel bad second-guessing the storytelling of a movie I enjoyed, buuuuuuuut...
John Carter the movie just feels overstuffed. Although it doesn't waste time on bullshit like ghetto trash robots or forty extraneous gay joke characters, like some franchises about giant alien transforming robots I could name, it just rushes through the book's plotting. If you do the movie's math, it takes place over three years, but it seems to take place over a space of weeks or even days. The movie just needs more time to breathe.
You'd think the director, Andrew Stanton, would get this. He directed Wall-E, after all, and what made that work was that the spent the entire first half of the movie just letting you get to know Wall-E and then EVA, and seeing their romance. John Carter, on the other hand, has more of a *glance* *glance* "We're in love!" romance. Which isn't much better than the book, where it's love at first sight, but it still comes as way premature when, at the end of the movie, in the burning wreckage of the citadel where Dejah Thoris was going to marry the villain, Carter asks Dejah to marry him, she accepts, and they go on and do it. I know it's a Disney movie, but geez. That's something outta Enchanted. The animated part.
The book actually is a little better about it. You have Carter meeting Dejah Thoris when she's a slave and he's a warrior, standing up for her, then having feelings on her but not acting on them because of the power differential.
I could not chance causing her additional pain or sorrow by declaring a love which, in all probability she did not return. Should I be so indiscreet, her position would be even more unbearable than now, and the thought that she might feel that I was taking advantage of her helplessness, to influence her decision was the final argument which sealed my lips.
That's surprisingly progressive for, you know, Burroughs. Then you get to the next book and it's all "Eat it, black devils!" Then later...
Only one thing I ask of you in return, and that is that you make no sign, either of condemnation or of approbation of my words until you are safe among your own people, and that whatever sentiments you harbor toward me they be not influenced or colored by gratitude; whatever I may do to serve you will be prompted solely from selfish motives, since it gives me more pleasure to serve you than not.
How could you not want to adapt that? Isn't part of the appeal of making this a period piece and having a Virginian in the lead so that you can have him be all old-timey chivalrous and get the women swooning? They could've spent more time on the Dejah Thoris/John Carter stuff, but they were in such a rush to cover the Therns, with the shrine and the river Iss and figuring out the Ninth Ray. It's moving the plot forward, yes, but it's not giving us time to care about the plot. A simple scene of, for instance, Carter practicing his jumping in Mars' low gravity and fumbling it up while Dejah tries to help and giggles at his misfortunes would open the door for the African Queen kinda stuff this material needs.
The Thern subplot also short-changes our supposed villain, Seb Than, who really should be taking center stage. In the movie, he's pretty much the Therns' flunky while Mark Strong is the real Big Bad. He even goes out like a henchman in a seventies cop show. Carter easily beats him in a duel, then he says "Tell me everything!" and Seb is going "I'll tell you who Mr. Big is! His real name is--" then Mark Strong shoots him and the rest of the climax is Carter trying to chase down Mark Strong but him getting away. I say again; the climax of the big pulpy adventure is the villain totally leaving the hero in the dust. I know there's precedent in the serials of old, but part of adapting that to modern movies is giving the bad guy a resounding end. You didn't see Mola Ram in Raiders of the Lost Ark, running around thwarting Indy and then escaping in the last reel, only to get his comeuppance in a whole 'nother movie.
Seb Than should've been barbaric ruler who's somehow gotten a new technology that lets him wipe the floor with Helium. Maybe he talks about how he was chosen by the Gods to rule. And he has this weird shapeshifting 'adviser' following him around, who seems to have spies in place in all the Barsoomian cultures. And the big reveal at the end is that really the adviser was in charge and Seb Than was just a catspaw. No long scenes of the Therns explaining their motives. Think more Boba Fett in Empire Strikes Back. You're left wanting more. Hell, the Therns exiling Carter back to Earth at the end works better this way, since now that's their first big villainous act and enough to have Carter fighting mad, not the latest in a string of back-and-forth between them.
Also, they literally gutted one of the book's major story arcs, where Tars Tarkas is the one Chaotic Good green martian in a race of Chaotic Evil. There's this whole intense, emotional story where he fell in love and had a daughter but he lost her and he thinks she's dead but really she's alive and he's spending all this time plotting against his boss who tortured and killed her, planning to take charge of the green martians so he can end the tyranny. In the movie, he's already in charge, his big conflict with Tal Hajus is just political infighting (since the guy didn't kill his wife or anything), and his entire backstory is revealed in one hushed conversation with Carter. Heyjohncarterihadawifewehadadaughterinsecretpleasetakecareofherkthxbai.
Now, maybe they thought it would be redundant to have two characters with dead families, since they give Carter that backstory too, but helloooooo, parallels? That's a great reason for Carter to get involved with these crazy characters beyond wanting to get into Dejah Thoris' space panties; he finds out someone else lost a family, sympathizes with him, and realizes that this time there's a way to save the daughter. Just imagine a scene where Sola is talking about her parents' love, not understanding why they did what they did, and Carter (clearly thinking of his own family) imagines what they went through. We're building sympathy for both Carter and the green martians, while moving the plot forward.
I guess in the end, John Carter is another case of prequelitis, where a filmmaker is so concerned with the other two movies in the trilogy that they forget--all the best trilogies came about because audiences liked the first movie and wanted more. Spielberg and Lucas weren't "laying the groundwork" for Sean Connery showing up as Indiana Jones' dad in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Lucas had no idea Darth Vader was Luke's father when he wrote Star Wars. Even the first few seasons of Lost didn't know what the smoke monster was; they were busy focusing on the characters and telling the best possible story. I hope there aren't any other movies this year more concerned about fitting in to an imaginary trilogy than being a whole story in itself.
io9: The Amazing Spider-Man Will Hint At Future Spidey Villains.
Fuck.
ETA: It was probably a good idea, though, for John Carter to leave outthe indentured servitude gays: The labor was performed by convicts, prisoners of war, delinquent debtors and confirmed bachelors who were too poor to pay the high celibate tax which all red-Martian governments impose.
I couldn't find a picture of Taylor Kitsch in a dress, so here's a picture of him as Gambit. Same difference.
Now, having read the book, I can actually appreciate the adaptation more. They had to impose a three-act structure and all it entails--antagonist, character arcs, so forth--on what was almost stream-of-consciousness writing. The movie had to give emotional resonance to a series of random encounters from a D&D campaign. And they did a good job; I'd say the movie is actually better than the book. But the biggest tragedy of all this--the failed marketing campaign, the overblown budget--all went into a movie that at best was "pretty good." This wasn't like Scott Pilgrim where some sublime work of genius got waylaid for Dragonball Evolution. There was some good stuff in the book they actually cut out to add in new plot, which didn't work as well as it could have.
Specifically, the Therns. They don't even show up in the first book, but the second book, where they're a bunch of religious fanatics. The movie amps them up into, I guess, a race of interstellar parasites who are manipulating all of Mars into self-destructing so they can feed on the chaos. Somehow. There's a good idea there, especially in making the Therns more of a threat instead of making the villains of a sequel the "black devils" of the book, but they're just too much of a presence. I feel bad second-guessing the storytelling of a movie I enjoyed, buuuuuuuut...
John Carter the movie just feels overstuffed. Although it doesn't waste time on bullshit like ghetto trash robots or forty extraneous gay joke characters, like some franchises about giant alien transforming robots I could name, it just rushes through the book's plotting. If you do the movie's math, it takes place over three years, but it seems to take place over a space of weeks or even days. The movie just needs more time to breathe.
You'd think the director, Andrew Stanton, would get this. He directed Wall-E, after all, and what made that work was that the spent the entire first half of the movie just letting you get to know Wall-E and then EVA, and seeing their romance. John Carter, on the other hand, has more of a *glance* *glance* "We're in love!" romance. Which isn't much better than the book, where it's love at first sight, but it still comes as way premature when, at the end of the movie, in the burning wreckage of the citadel where Dejah Thoris was going to marry the villain, Carter asks Dejah to marry him, she accepts, and they go on and do it. I know it's a Disney movie, but geez. That's something outta Enchanted. The animated part.
The book actually is a little better about it. You have Carter meeting Dejah Thoris when she's a slave and he's a warrior, standing up for her, then having feelings on her but not acting on them because of the power differential.
I could not chance causing her additional pain or sorrow by declaring a love which, in all probability she did not return. Should I be so indiscreet, her position would be even more unbearable than now, and the thought that she might feel that I was taking advantage of her helplessness, to influence her decision was the final argument which sealed my lips.
That's surprisingly progressive for, you know, Burroughs. Then you get to the next book and it's all "Eat it, black devils!" Then later...
Only one thing I ask of you in return, and that is that you make no sign, either of condemnation or of approbation of my words until you are safe among your own people, and that whatever sentiments you harbor toward me they be not influenced or colored by gratitude; whatever I may do to serve you will be prompted solely from selfish motives, since it gives me more pleasure to serve you than not.
How could you not want to adapt that? Isn't part of the appeal of making this a period piece and having a Virginian in the lead so that you can have him be all old-timey chivalrous and get the women swooning? They could've spent more time on the Dejah Thoris/John Carter stuff, but they were in such a rush to cover the Therns, with the shrine and the river Iss and figuring out the Ninth Ray. It's moving the plot forward, yes, but it's not giving us time to care about the plot. A simple scene of, for instance, Carter practicing his jumping in Mars' low gravity and fumbling it up while Dejah tries to help and giggles at his misfortunes would open the door for the African Queen kinda stuff this material needs.
The Thern subplot also short-changes our supposed villain, Seb Than, who really should be taking center stage. In the movie, he's pretty much the Therns' flunky while Mark Strong is the real Big Bad. He even goes out like a henchman in a seventies cop show. Carter easily beats him in a duel, then he says "Tell me everything!" and Seb is going "I'll tell you who Mr. Big is! His real name is--" then Mark Strong shoots him and the rest of the climax is Carter trying to chase down Mark Strong but him getting away. I say again; the climax of the big pulpy adventure is the villain totally leaving the hero in the dust. I know there's precedent in the serials of old, but part of adapting that to modern movies is giving the bad guy a resounding end. You didn't see Mola Ram in Raiders of the Lost Ark, running around thwarting Indy and then escaping in the last reel, only to get his comeuppance in a whole 'nother movie.
Seb Than should've been barbaric ruler who's somehow gotten a new technology that lets him wipe the floor with Helium. Maybe he talks about how he was chosen by the Gods to rule. And he has this weird shapeshifting 'adviser' following him around, who seems to have spies in place in all the Barsoomian cultures. And the big reveal at the end is that really the adviser was in charge and Seb Than was just a catspaw. No long scenes of the Therns explaining their motives. Think more Boba Fett in Empire Strikes Back. You're left wanting more. Hell, the Therns exiling Carter back to Earth at the end works better this way, since now that's their first big villainous act and enough to have Carter fighting mad, not the latest in a string of back-and-forth between them.
Also, they literally gutted one of the book's major story arcs, where Tars Tarkas is the one Chaotic Good green martian in a race of Chaotic Evil. There's this whole intense, emotional story where he fell in love and had a daughter but he lost her and he thinks she's dead but really she's alive and he's spending all this time plotting against his boss who tortured and killed her, planning to take charge of the green martians so he can end the tyranny. In the movie, he's already in charge, his big conflict with Tal Hajus is just political infighting (since the guy didn't kill his wife or anything), and his entire backstory is revealed in one hushed conversation with Carter. Heyjohncarterihadawifewehadadaughterinsecretpleasetakecareofherkthxbai.
Now, maybe they thought it would be redundant to have two characters with dead families, since they give Carter that backstory too, but helloooooo, parallels? That's a great reason for Carter to get involved with these crazy characters beyond wanting to get into Dejah Thoris' space panties; he finds out someone else lost a family, sympathizes with him, and realizes that this time there's a way to save the daughter. Just imagine a scene where Sola is talking about her parents' love, not understanding why they did what they did, and Carter (clearly thinking of his own family) imagines what they went through. We're building sympathy for both Carter and the green martians, while moving the plot forward.
I guess in the end, John Carter is another case of prequelitis, where a filmmaker is so concerned with the other two movies in the trilogy that they forget--all the best trilogies came about because audiences liked the first movie and wanted more. Spielberg and Lucas weren't "laying the groundwork" for Sean Connery showing up as Indiana Jones' dad in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Lucas had no idea Darth Vader was Luke's father when he wrote Star Wars. Even the first few seasons of Lost didn't know what the smoke monster was; they were busy focusing on the characters and telling the best possible story. I hope there aren't any other movies this year more concerned about fitting in to an imaginary trilogy than being a whole story in itself.
io9: The Amazing Spider-Man Will Hint At Future Spidey Villains.
Fuck.
ETA: It was probably a good idea, though, for John Carter to leave outthe indentured servitude gays: The labor was performed by convicts, prisoners of war, delinquent debtors and confirmed bachelors who were too poor to pay the high celibate tax which all red-Martian governments impose.
