A few more thoughts on Breaking Dawn

-In the beginning, Edward reveals his secret shame: body glitter that he spent some time in the 1920s drinking the blood of murderers and rapists like a metrosexual Dexter. I'm... not sure why this is such a bad thing? It certainly seems to be more of a contribution to society than going to high school over and over again. Following my earlier point on how Edward and Bella are the boringest character in their fictional universe (even Bella's completely mundane high school friends are more interesting in their one minute on screen), it turns out that we've even met Edward at the boringest, baby boomerest part of his undead life.

-Also, during his 'rebellion against Carlisle (?)" phase, Edward never had sex with a woman. Vigilante justice: sure. Premartial sex: that's crossing the line, buddy!

-For the whole "Edward won't fuck Bella again because he might fuck her... to death" subplot to work, neither a hundred-year-old vampire or a modern teenager could've heard of any sexual position aside from missionary position. Because you'd think Edward could finger or eat Bella out without 'Man of Vampire, Woman of Kleenex' being an issue. Or just have Bella ride Edward, unless being knocked across the room by undead semen is an issue.

-I had fun writing that last sentence.