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Man, I knew The Three Musketeers was going to be stupid. I thought the Lester version was stupid too, so they'd have to make an effort to piss me off by being stupider than that. But man... they rip-off the "you insulted my horse" scene from A Fistful Of Dollars. Who does that? Like, they go through the scene, line-for-line. It's a classic movie! Do they really think they can Cassandra Clare a classic and no one will notice? It's not like people go to Paul W.S. Anderson movies for great dialogue. Just make up your own stupid dialogue, no one will mind.
(Although I guess Anderson could've watched A Fistful Of Dollars and gotten so mad when the movie didn't end with Eastwood saying "You should've apologized to my horse" before he shot the bad guy. In which case, wow)
Anyway, I'm just here to note that they actually do something interesting with Milla Jovovich's character, Milady, for five seconds. She's introduced as one of the Three Musketeers, seducing a guy for a McGuffin with no regrets and then her boyfriend Athos just laughs it off with her, because he's better in bed. Check it out. (Tl;dr Three Musketeers is a better video game adaptation of Assassin's Creed than Resident Evil is of Resident Evil.)
Wow, that's... surprisingly feminist. Then she immediately betrays the team. And not for a good reason either, even though she had a sympathetic backstory in the book. She's just like "eh, the bad guy's paying me more." Okay, what are you going to spend the money on? You already run around having fun adventures with your hot boyfriend, what exactly more do you want out of life? And you're working for the King of France, who just gives out gold to the Musketeers for being dumbasses. Sure, the King's an idiot, but he's good-natured. Why would you trade that in to work for not one, but two power-hungry villains who will almost certainly betray and murder you?
So her motivation makes no sense and even though they try to play her death for some pathos, she's just a greedy murderess, so it's a bit hard to feel sorry for her. Hell, at least Anakin Skywalker wanted to save his wife.
Although, why didn't Anakin just ask Padme to get an abortion? Don't they have abortions on Coruscant? Just say "Hey, I had a prophetic dream about you dying in child-birth. The last time that happened, my mom got gang-raped by Tusken Raiders. Up to you!" There, problem solved. Even if you're pro-life, I would say one abortion is less evil than becoming a Sith Lord, destroying the Jedi Order, slaughtering 'younglings,' and forming a galactic dictatorship. Even if one of the babies is going to be a badass voice actor.
(Although I guess Anderson could've watched A Fistful Of Dollars and gotten so mad when the movie didn't end with Eastwood saying "You should've apologized to my horse" before he shot the bad guy. In which case, wow)
Anyway, I'm just here to note that they actually do something interesting with Milla Jovovich's character, Milady, for five seconds. She's introduced as one of the Three Musketeers, seducing a guy for a McGuffin with no regrets and then her boyfriend Athos just laughs it off with her, because he's better in bed. Check it out. (Tl;dr Three Musketeers is a better video game adaptation of Assassin's Creed than Resident Evil is of Resident Evil.)
Wow, that's... surprisingly feminist. Then she immediately betrays the team. And not for a good reason either, even though she had a sympathetic backstory in the book. She's just like "eh, the bad guy's paying me more." Okay, what are you going to spend the money on? You already run around having fun adventures with your hot boyfriend, what exactly more do you want out of life? And you're working for the King of France, who just gives out gold to the Musketeers for being dumbasses. Sure, the King's an idiot, but he's good-natured. Why would you trade that in to work for not one, but two power-hungry villains who will almost certainly betray and murder you?
So her motivation makes no sense and even though they try to play her death for some pathos, she's just a greedy murderess, so it's a bit hard to feel sorry for her. Hell, at least Anakin Skywalker wanted to save his wife.
Although, why didn't Anakin just ask Padme to get an abortion? Don't they have abortions on Coruscant? Just say "Hey, I had a prophetic dream about you dying in child-birth. The last time that happened, my mom got gang-raped by Tusken Raiders. Up to you!" There, problem solved. Even if you're pro-life, I would say one abortion is less evil than becoming a Sith Lord, destroying the Jedi Order, slaughtering 'younglings,' and forming a galactic dictatorship. Even if one of the babies is going to be a badass voice actor.
