Tron fic: Quorra sees a penis (Sam/Quorra)

Title: Quorra Sees A Penis
Fandom: Tron
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 5,885
Characters/Pairings: Sam/Quorra
Summary: When Sam realizes Quorra's never seen the ocean, he decides to take her on a boat trip. He didn't count on Quorra wearing a bikini.

( 'Why do people drink beer?' 'It makes ordinary women look like you.' )

Speaking of Tron porn (I wasn't, but pretend I was), I reviewed the Tron porno, Pron. Your move, reader.

So let me get this "straight"

The Playboy Club is a show about Simon Tam, a closeted gay man who is lesbros with his beard, Alice. She works at the titular (ahem) club with Amber Heard, who wears a bunny costume. There is crushing, but Heard is straight for once. Then motherfucking Tess "Holy Shit" Mercer from Smallville shows up to sweep Alice off her feet.

The only way this show could be pandering to me more is if Jaime Murray bought the club from Hugh Hefner and just wandered through the set all day in period clothing like a gay lesbian Emma Frost (or: Emma Frost).

Ghost rape baby!

Call me crazy, but as soon as I saw that one of the oft-promoted images for American Horror Story was two children stepping out from behind Tami Taylor, like something out of a Rockettes' number, I wanted the show to succeed. I want at least six seasons, each time finale-ing with the family leaving the haunted house never to return, then returning for some idiotic reason. Then maybe in the fifth season, the house burns down and they finally move into a new house. Which is also haunted.

Points of order

--Can we have a moratorium on heated couples arguments that end with the couple having rough sex? Every time that happens, I think of a writer saying "Shit, how can I end this scene? Rough sex!" No. How about a musical number? Wire-fu fight? Shot of a dog covering its eyes as if in embarrassment?

--I'm a surprised that the writers of Glee would invent a high school so anarchic that three girls can beat up one girl in a cafeteria, ending in one girl being burned with a cigarette, and the parents only find out when one of the girls has to explain the bruise on her face. Because that's the trend in California schools. They're practically the Wild West.

--I think at the rate of miscommunication and lack of communication required for the family not to realize their house is haunted, this will turn into Three's Company with ghost rape babies by episode four.