Terra Nova

Is it odd that, in a show about futuristic dystopias, time travel, and dinosaurs, the part I find most unbelievable is that a man could be imprisoned for two years, escape back to his hot British wife, and his first night back he's like "Aww, my young daughter has fallen asleep on our bed, guess I'm sleeping on the couch!" I think any heterosexual male would be saying "Yo, I haven't gotten any for 85 million years, GTFO," so... maybe Jim's more interested in Taylor?


He's just so... grizzled.

Also, is there a reason all but one of the Sixers (think the Others from Lost, only... the Others from Lost) are black? And I'm not saying this because there were two of them and they happened to be black. I mean, half a dozen Sixers showed up and aside from one spy, they were all brothers. Maybe they're going for an arc down the line about how the Sixers aren't bad, just misunderstood, since they're the Others from Lost--remember, we misunderstood how when the Others killed the Losties, it wasn't because they were evil, it was because they were angry at the Losties for trespassing on their territory, by surviving a plane crash. Next time, learn your lesson and dog-paddle to another island that really is uninhabited, Jack Shepherd!

And it's a bit funny that not only is current weapons technology mostly ineffectual against dinosaurs, but in two hundred years, we won't invent something that's more effective than harsh language (it's a primetime show, so we don't know for a fact that calling dinosaurs a bunch of fucking cocksuckers won't drive them off). I mean, right now, we have bullets that flip around when you shoot them so that when they hit a guy, it's like throwing a football through a tissue paper. You'd think by the year 2525, if mankind is still alive, we'll have come up with a bullet that can fly around corners, hit people in the head, desecrate their corpse, insult their mother, sleep with their sister, steal their credit card and order a bunch of pizzas, then wait for them to be buried and piss on their graves. You know the Star Wars Special Editions for Blu-Ray? This would be Star Wars Bullets.

Confessor Royale

Unbeknownst to many, Martin Campbell's 2006 reboot of the James Bond franchise was originally intended to be even more radical. Bond wouldn't be blond, but a babe!

Following the failure of a Halle Berry Jinx spin-off to arise from Die Another Day, the producers seriously considered reviving the moribund series by applying the concept of a take-charge female secret agent to Bond himself. The idea got so far as a script draft depicting 'Jane Bond' as a bisexual 007, just as sexually voracious as ever. Tabrett Bethell, who had already tested for the role of Vesper, shot a 'chemistry test' with stage actress Bridget Regan, who had impressed producers by coming to her audition in a finely-cut tuxedo.

Later, the idea's main backer, producer Roy McCoy, was diagnosed with dementia and Daniel Craig was hired. But the ripples of the almost-film still traveled, with Bethell and Regan starting up a friendship that led to Bethell being cast in the second season of Regan's show, Legend of the Seeker. The pair is now working on a spoken-word album, Fear of Virginia Woolf.

Here now are exclusive images from their screen test, along with excerpts from the script, showing what might have been.

( Read more... )

2 Broke Chicks

So, having moved in together in the first episode, the second episode has Max and Caroline sleeping in the same bed, Caroline listening to Max masturbate, two male characters mistaking Max and Caroline for lovers, Caroline touching Max's breast (Max is played by Kat Dennings, making this the most realistic thing to ever happen in a sitcom), and the girls having "a break-up scene" (their words) before getting back together. At this rate, the sixth episode should be a cross-over with Rizzoli & Isles.

Drive is a parody of Jason Statham movies; Killer Elite is a Jason Statham movie

Okay, Drive is something of a lesser-known movie, so I'm actually going to give you a plot synopsis, hopefully without spoiling everything like the trailer kinda does. Ryan Gosling plays the Driver, a Hollywood stuntman who moonlights as a getaway driver. He lives next to Irene, a single mother whose husband is in prison, and a chance encounter leads to him being drawn into their lives. When Irene's husband is paroled, the Driver's intimacy with Irene leads to a heist gone wrong. Heist gone wrong leads to shit getting real.

Now, you might recognize that as being something akin to the plot of every Jason Statham movie ever made. The Stat is a highly competent killer of people who is having a pretty good go of it, but then he falls for a bird and wants out, or wants out and falls for a bird, leading to him killing even more people than he normally would. The thing is, it's played a lot straighter here...

See, Drive doesn't really work as an action movie, so you shouldn't go in expecting it to end with Ryan Gosling saying "Looks like the only thing you'll be driving in... is a hearse," before shooting Ron Perlman whilst diving through the air with a gun in each hand. If that had happened, it would be my entire review. It's really more of a thriller, is what I'm saying.

I think the movie actually metafictionally says this. The movie that Gosling is working on as a stuntman requires him to wear a bald mask, and who's the one Hollywood action star who regularly goes bald? Okay, Vin Diesel. But what has Richard B. Riddick have to do with any of these proceedings? Moving on.

This was a thought I had while watching the movie, but it really crystallized when I watched Killer Elite (which is a serviceable little thriller on its own, but it's no Drive). There, Jason Statham is an assassin who has a crisis of conscience--it must be really hard to hire an assassin; too young and they'll get mowed down in droves by the hero; too experienced and they'll end up turning on you and protecting the target they're assigned to kill. He's in Australia for one minute of screentime before it turns out his mentor has been kidnapped and the only way to free him is to kill three badass SAS types. Inbetween killings, Statham stares out a window and has flashbacks to meeting Yvonne Strahovski down under, like, oh, hey, remember that time I fell in love? It's about five minutes total, although to be fair, I don't think it would take all that long to fall for Ms. Strahovski.


Since she is secretly Black Canary.

Naturally, Strahovski ends up threatened by the villains, requiring Jason to bring down the Stathammer. Now, in Drive, Irene is much the same character, but the movie spends a lot more time on her character and Gosling's character and how their characters relate to each other.

And it works very well in terms of going "Yeah, so some guy who's spent years of his life, not even killing people, but just being blase about enabling violent crimes, likes a girl. How's that working out?" It's almost like how Casino Royale took the traditional Bond girl relationship and then monkeyed around with it to break your heart.

Now, to transition past the "It's really good and you should go see it, especially if you have seen or are otherwise aware of Jason Statham and the 20% of action movie plots that make up his filmography" part of the review, let us discuss Nicolas Winding Refn, who directed this. It may seem shallow or nerdy to discuss a director because he's been really vocal about making a Wonder Woman movie, but when an auteur filmmaker intends to make a summer blockbuster with a female lead, I think it automatically merits some consideration.


As does Christina Hendricks in a Wonder Woman costume.

Now, having seen Bronson, one of Refn's earlier movies and the reason I would now be able to pick Tom Hardy's penis out of a line-up, it occurs to me that most of Refn's protagonists seem to be emotionally crippled individuals who best express themselves through brutal violence. Although I haven't seen Valhalla Rising or the Pusher movies, so there could be a devil-may-care playboy in there somewhere, a song in his heart and a smile on his lips.


Those tattoos are Norse for 'Free Hugs.'

Now, obviously that works great when you're doing a dark thriller. It just occurs to me that, although Diana can be portrayed as reserved or dignified, she isn't someone who's particularly turned around when it comes to her feelings. Which makes me wonder what appeals to Refn about the character? Is it that he's looking to stretch himself as an artist and would like to tackle a subject that's far afield of his usual work, because that would be fucking great. Or is this more of a David E. Kelley thing where he wants to make a statement about female-shaped superheroes and Wonder Woman springs to mind? Which I don't get, because if Wonder Woman has so little name recognition that a filmmaker has to jump through hoops to get a film made about her, what's the difference between a Wonder Woman movie and a Power Girl movie, if Power Girl is more what your guy is going for?

As I've said before, I'd be happy with even a Tim Burton-level fidelity to the source material when it comes to a character as beleaguered as Wonder Woman and a creator as talented as Refn. But I'm also not down for Ang Lee's Hulk Part Ovaries.

Although... Drive started out as a book, with a topsy-survy timeline and oodles of backstory, which Refn took, streamlined, and condensed. The finished product doesn't seem to be dumbed down, so much as left mostly to the imagination. And maybe such an approach to Wonder Woman would work too. I've talked before about how George Perez's treatment of her, epic as it is, often leaves people in the dark when it comes to important things like why exactly Circe is a villainess. Maybe reducing things to their thematic center and letting them play out on screen could finally give America a Wonder Woman it could fall in love with.