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I'm not even supposed to be here today!
Jul. 4th, 2011 11:52 pmDid you know I had Independence Day off? I said did, because a co-worker, who we shall call Douchebag (LET US SEE IF THIS NAME TURNS OUT TO BE EERILY PROPHETIC) called me to see if I could work from 5:30 to 8:00. Well, two and a half hours, sure. I can earn some scratch and get home in time for fireworks.
Well, eight o'clock rolls around and he calls to say that he can't make it, so maybe I can stay until ten? I'm cool with it--it's not like I have a choice, since I literally cannot leave until someone shows up to replace me. Oh, and due to some brilliant scheduling by the bosses, I'm the only usher on duty, so I have to clean up after everyone. But hey, who goes to see a movie on the Fourth of July, right? It's not like some big Michael Bay movie just came out or anything.
So ten o'clock rolls around... and he fucking doesn't show up. I take back Douchebag. He's like some sort of advanced Japanese douchebag designed to douche seven women at once. Finally, I get sent home at 10:45 because my boss takes mercy on me, or perhaps is feeling sorry for the shitty scheduling.
The only consolation is that I found twelve bucks in a theater. Think you're getting that back? Yeah, you don't wanna take two seconds to pick up your bag of popcorn before you leave the theater and drop it into the trashcan right outside, but that's alright, it balances out by me taking the two seconds to put your money in my pocket and spend it on a Hydra Force Sundae from Baskin-Robbins (as opposed to a Super-Soldier Sundae).
Speaking of which, does it strike anyone else as odd that you can purchase ice cream versions of Captain America and the Red Skull? I only ask because it seems weird to describe a dessert's flavor as "Nazilicious."
I'm serious, this is a real thing: Succumb to the power of chocolate! Chocolate Mousse Royale ice cream with brownies, hot fudge, and whipped cream indulge your dark urges. Top off with chocolate sprinkles and a cherry!
I can't help imagining that defense at Nuremberg. "We were only following orders! Chocolatey, chocolatey orders!" "The German people knowingly succumbed to Hitler's chocolate-sprinkled rhetoric and they will face the consequences!" "All that's required for evil to triumph is for good men to enjoy Chocolate Mousse Royale ice cream."
Well, eight o'clock rolls around and he calls to say that he can't make it, so maybe I can stay until ten? I'm cool with it--it's not like I have a choice, since I literally cannot leave until someone shows up to replace me. Oh, and due to some brilliant scheduling by the bosses, I'm the only usher on duty, so I have to clean up after everyone. But hey, who goes to see a movie on the Fourth of July, right? It's not like some big Michael Bay movie just came out or anything.
So ten o'clock rolls around... and he fucking doesn't show up. I take back Douchebag. He's like some sort of advanced Japanese douchebag designed to douche seven women at once. Finally, I get sent home at 10:45 because my boss takes mercy on me, or perhaps is feeling sorry for the shitty scheduling.
The only consolation is that I found twelve bucks in a theater. Think you're getting that back? Yeah, you don't wanna take two seconds to pick up your bag of popcorn before you leave the theater and drop it into the trashcan right outside, but that's alright, it balances out by me taking the two seconds to put your money in my pocket and spend it on a Hydra Force Sundae from Baskin-Robbins (as opposed to a Super-Soldier Sundae).
Speaking of which, does it strike anyone else as odd that you can purchase ice cream versions of Captain America and the Red Skull? I only ask because it seems weird to describe a dessert's flavor as "Nazilicious."
I'm serious, this is a real thing: Succumb to the power of chocolate! Chocolate Mousse Royale ice cream with brownies, hot fudge, and whipped cream indulge your dark urges. Top off with chocolate sprinkles and a cherry!
I can't help imagining that defense at Nuremberg. "We were only following orders! Chocolatey, chocolatey orders!" "The German people knowingly succumbed to Hitler's chocolate-sprinkled rhetoric and they will face the consequences!" "All that's required for evil to triumph is for good men to enjoy Chocolate Mousse Royale ice cream."
