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Jun. 17th, 2011
To clarify
Jun. 17th, 2011 10:29 amIt's long been my belief that you know you've made it when you can get a job writing porn. Think about it. If they were making a Batman porno and Tony Daniels called and said "I want to write your porn," no one would give him the time of day. If Grant Morrison did the same thing, people would just go with it.
So that's my life goal. Getting published, getting an agent, that's nice, but writing porn is the endgame.
So that's my life goal. Getting published, getting an agent, that's nice, but writing porn is the endgame.
Title: We're a long way from home and home is a long way from us
Fandom: Legend of the Seeker
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,654
Characters/Pairings: Cara/Triana, Cara/Dahlia, Richard/Kahlan, Berdine/Raina
Author’s notes: Betaed by the lovely and talented![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
susurrusnight
Previous: Part 10
Next: Part 12
Summary: Richard sends Cara away.
( Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could choose how we felt about people? )
Fandom: Legend of the Seeker
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,654
Characters/Pairings: Cara/Triana, Cara/Dahlia, Richard/Kahlan, Berdine/Raina
Author’s notes: Betaed by the lovely and talented
susurrusnight Previous: Part 10
Next: Part 12
Summary: Richard sends Cara away.
( Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could choose how we felt about people? )
Okay, so can someone please explain to me how it makes sense to get rid of the Clark/Lois marriage so that you can show Lois being in love with Superman and not Clark and trying to trick him into getting married and find out his secret identity and Clark winking at the reader, blah blah jerking it to the Silver Age, when DC is also setting up Action Comics as the first year of Superman's career?
I mean, it makes perfect sense for Lois and Clark not to be together in the past and then show how they came to like each other in the modern-day-set comics, when they're married, but if their relationship is exactly alike in the prequel and in the present day, then what's the point of even showing the prequel stuff? Let me guess... he's not going to tell her who he is and they're not going to get together, just like in the comic set five years in the future, am I right?
I actually have a theory that the reboot is meant to appeal entirely to perverts. I'm just saying, a search on ASSTR for Cass Cain got no results, while there are hundreds of fics about the Barbara Gordon Batgirl, and there are a hundred and sixty fics about Babsgirl on the old Superstories.net site, and only a handful about Cass. Plus, you have Superman, a popular PWP character, free to swing and getting into a canon relationship with Wonder Woman, a popular PWP ship, so I'm starting to think DC is hoping to get readers by giving them nostalgia-tinted crank fodder. And do you have another explanation for Harley Quinn's costume?
It's sound logic. DC is aiming primarily at men and all men are perverts (not an insult; all the men reading this right now are nodding). It's just that those middle-aged men who still masturbate to Yvonne Craig are going to lose interest quickly when the comics don't feature female characters being gang-raped. (Seriously, what Cass Cain fics I did find were all about the gang-rape. I know she's Asian and wears a gimp mask, but a little variety, eh perverts?) And they'll failing to take into account the next generation of perverts, who either really have a thing for Raven or want yaoi stuff with the Batboys.
I haven't been this disappointed with Grant Morrison since he wanted to kill Rogue off and replace her with a character with the same powers, but more angsty, like Anna Paquin.
I mean, it makes perfect sense for Lois and Clark not to be together in the past and then show how they came to like each other in the modern-day-set comics, when they're married, but if their relationship is exactly alike in the prequel and in the present day, then what's the point of even showing the prequel stuff? Let me guess... he's not going to tell her who he is and they're not going to get together, just like in the comic set five years in the future, am I right?
I actually have a theory that the reboot is meant to appeal entirely to perverts. I'm just saying, a search on ASSTR for Cass Cain got no results, while there are hundreds of fics about the Barbara Gordon Batgirl, and there are a hundred and sixty fics about Babsgirl on the old Superstories.net site, and only a handful about Cass. Plus, you have Superman, a popular PWP character, free to swing and getting into a canon relationship with Wonder Woman, a popular PWP ship, so I'm starting to think DC is hoping to get readers by giving them nostalgia-tinted crank fodder. And do you have another explanation for Harley Quinn's costume?
It's sound logic. DC is aiming primarily at men and all men are perverts (not an insult; all the men reading this right now are nodding). It's just that those middle-aged men who still masturbate to Yvonne Craig are going to lose interest quickly when the comics don't feature female characters being gang-raped. (Seriously, what Cass Cain fics I did find were all about the gang-rape. I know she's Asian and wears a gimp mask, but a little variety, eh perverts?) And they'll failing to take into account the next generation of perverts, who either really have a thing for Raven or want yaoi stuff with the Batboys.
I haven't been this disappointed with Grant Morrison since he wanted to kill Rogue off and replace her with a character with the same powers, but more angsty, like Anna Paquin.
But first, a thought. Isn't the real problem in Rise of the Planet of the Apes that some American city apparently has HUNDREDS of gorillas just hanging around for some reason?
Anyway, Green Lantern is like a charismaless remake of Iron Man with wonky effects and a parade of cliches. I think there should be a drinking game where you and a buddy drink, one of you doing a shot every time a scene is lifted directly from Iron Man (the female lead saved the hero in the climax by typing frantically on a keyboard, SHOT!) and the other doing a shot every time something happens that has been done a hundred times before in every movie ever made (the villain said "You have failed me for the last time!" to an underling and killed him, SHOT!). This is a movie so cliched that the first time the superhero demonstrates his power is in a fight with a bunch of bar toughs. When Stargate SG-1 was parodying superhero movies, they made a point to do that exact scene and then say how cliche it was, out loud. Do you know how much it takes for Stargate SG-1 to say you're cliche? That's like Twilight taking a moment to talk shit about your female characters.
Although, Green Lantern does subvert the cliche by 1. having the hero completely deserve to get beaten up, and 2. having the hero not acting in self-defense, but actually escalating the situation after the toughs have decided to leave him alone.
And I guess that's the biggest problem with Green Lantern. It's the story of two men, one a sweet, endearing nerd who's curious about life on other worlds, geeks out about getting superpowers, and who feels bad when privilege gets him a perk he doesn't feel he deserves. The other is a toolish, irresponsible, self-serving jock who spends all his time whining and either blowing off his gifts or treating them like an asinine hassle. And the jock is the hero. But then, Hector Hammond is ugly, so he can't be a good guy. (Making the equation even more unfair, Hector spends a lot of time speaking for the audience, asking how come he's the villain when the only thing he's done wrong is have an overbearing father, and pointing out how shallow the leads are.)
No, I'm not against flawed anti-heroes, but they have to be written well. They can be entertaining assholes (like Tony Stark), or ones who have a point (like Thor), or even just an excuse. Green Lantern tries to do that last one, with an embarrassing sequence in which Hal's daddy issues literally crash his plane. See, how can you hate him? His dad died! Right in front of him! He was hit by the shockwave of the explosion! (And then, apparently, went to work for the company that made the shoddy plane that blew his dad up on a runway. Okay.)
Instead of spouting awesome one-liners, Hal just shows his abs and at one point has an adorable moppet to hug him (who never shows up again). And it's a bit off that they set up having this irresponsible jackass as Green Lantern, then instead of showing him amusingly abusing his powers, he just mopes around like he's in an episode of Smallville. The whole point of the asshole hero is that you would want to hang out with him; even though you might get your car stolen or end up in Mexico, he's fun to be around. Hal is just a tool. This movie should be Bachelor Party with superpowers and instead Hal is the kind of guy Tom Hanks would leave holding onto a cock in a hot dog bun.
It kinda makes me wonder why they didn't go with Guy Gardner. That's another thing, the movie is really serious, even when Hal is making ridiculous cartoony power-constructs like springs and Hot Wheels tracks. It's like the Mask wandered into this really serious, epic, dramatic movie about fighting demons and the Elephant Man. You'd think when they cast Van Wilder they would be going for a cartoony action-comedy thing, not some dour Merchant-Ivory production.
I will give the movie points for devoting a scene to how stupid and ineffectual the Green Lantern mask is. Well, one point.
ETA: I should apologize, the bit where the villain hates the hero because the villain's daddy likes the hero more and the hero stole the villain's gal isn't from Iron Man, it's from Spider-Man. And Smallville. And maybe X-Men a bit...?
ETA2: This movie really needed to be directed by Sam Raimi, in all his cartoonish, hyperkinetic, goofball glory. And with Bruce Campbell playing Guy Gardner. Maybe Ted Raimi as Tomar Re. I would've watched the shit out of that movie.
Anyway, Green Lantern is like a charismaless remake of Iron Man with wonky effects and a parade of cliches. I think there should be a drinking game where you and a buddy drink, one of you doing a shot every time a scene is lifted directly from Iron Man (the female lead saved the hero in the climax by typing frantically on a keyboard, SHOT!) and the other doing a shot every time something happens that has been done a hundred times before in every movie ever made (the villain said "You have failed me for the last time!" to an underling and killed him, SHOT!). This is a movie so cliched that the first time the superhero demonstrates his power is in a fight with a bunch of bar toughs. When Stargate SG-1 was parodying superhero movies, they made a point to do that exact scene and then say how cliche it was, out loud. Do you know how much it takes for Stargate SG-1 to say you're cliche? That's like Twilight taking a moment to talk shit about your female characters.
Although, Green Lantern does subvert the cliche by 1. having the hero completely deserve to get beaten up, and 2. having the hero not acting in self-defense, but actually escalating the situation after the toughs have decided to leave him alone.
And I guess that's the biggest problem with Green Lantern. It's the story of two men, one a sweet, endearing nerd who's curious about life on other worlds, geeks out about getting superpowers, and who feels bad when privilege gets him a perk he doesn't feel he deserves. The other is a toolish, irresponsible, self-serving jock who spends all his time whining and either blowing off his gifts or treating them like an asinine hassle. And the jock is the hero. But then, Hector Hammond is ugly, so he can't be a good guy. (Making the equation even more unfair, Hector spends a lot of time speaking for the audience, asking how come he's the villain when the only thing he's done wrong is have an overbearing father, and pointing out how shallow the leads are.)
No, I'm not against flawed anti-heroes, but they have to be written well. They can be entertaining assholes (like Tony Stark), or ones who have a point (like Thor), or even just an excuse. Green Lantern tries to do that last one, with an embarrassing sequence in which Hal's daddy issues literally crash his plane. See, how can you hate him? His dad died! Right in front of him! He was hit by the shockwave of the explosion! (And then, apparently, went to work for the company that made the shoddy plane that blew his dad up on a runway. Okay.)
Instead of spouting awesome one-liners, Hal just shows his abs and at one point has an adorable moppet to hug him (who never shows up again). And it's a bit off that they set up having this irresponsible jackass as Green Lantern, then instead of showing him amusingly abusing his powers, he just mopes around like he's in an episode of Smallville. The whole point of the asshole hero is that you would want to hang out with him; even though you might get your car stolen or end up in Mexico, he's fun to be around. Hal is just a tool. This movie should be Bachelor Party with superpowers and instead Hal is the kind of guy Tom Hanks would leave holding onto a cock in a hot dog bun.
It kinda makes me wonder why they didn't go with Guy Gardner. That's another thing, the movie is really serious, even when Hal is making ridiculous cartoony power-constructs like springs and Hot Wheels tracks. It's like the Mask wandered into this really serious, epic, dramatic movie about fighting demons and the Elephant Man. You'd think when they cast Van Wilder they would be going for a cartoony action-comedy thing, not some dour Merchant-Ivory production.
I will give the movie points for devoting a scene to how stupid and ineffectual the Green Lantern mask is. Well, one point.
ETA: I should apologize, the bit where the villain hates the hero because the villain's daddy likes the hero more and the hero stole the villain's gal isn't from Iron Man, it's from Spider-Man. And Smallville. And maybe X-Men a bit...?
ETA2: This movie really needed to be directed by Sam Raimi, in all his cartoonish, hyperkinetic, goofball glory. And with Bruce Campbell playing Guy Gardner. Maybe Ted Raimi as Tomar Re. I would've watched the shit out of that movie.