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Feb. 11th, 2011
So maybe you've heard about this, a new movie from J.J. Abrams and Steven Spielberg, set in the 1980s, something something trailer. Yeah, that. There was a commercial at the Superbowl, and now apparently there's an ARG and people are giving vague quotes about it and Look. People. It's going to be a space alien.
You really don't have to get all that excited, because it's a space alien. Watch that trailer. If it weren't J.J. Abrams, what would your first assumption be? Something about Area 51, an alien breaks loose, maybe it's friendly, probably it's not. And Abrams always does this.
1. Come up with an almost insultingly simplistic premise.
2. Promise clues to the premise if you listen to the podcast and use the information from the podcast to open a DVD bonus feature, which will lead you to a website with a puzzle on it, which if you solve will show you a Japanese manga hinting at the plot.
3. Premise turns out to be insultingly simplistic.
Seriously. All the time. Star Trek: "Oh God, they're traveling back in time, what's going on, what are these Romulans doing in the past?" They want to blow up the Earth, just like the last five Star Trek villains (Seriously, Shinzon doesn't even have anything against the Earth, he's going after it strictly as an homage to the Borg Queen).
Lost: "What's with this magic island? Why is it so magic?" It's a magic island because it's magic. Literally. That was the explanation we got. I'm sure I would find that profound if I followed the teachings of Ayn Rand, but I don't, so...
Cloverfield. "What's with this giant monster?" GIANT MONSTER!
Mission: Impossible 3: "What is the Rabbit's Foot?" Oh, we're just not going to ever explain it. Obviously, the actual identity of a McGuffin is pointless, and we can assume it would be any old thing worth a season of 24 for Jack Bauer to stop, but still, didn't this coyness get old around Ronin? Of course, at the end Morpheus says he'll tell Tom Cruise (those are their actual character names) what the Rabbit's Foot is if he rejoins IMF, and now they're making a fourth movie. So I really hope Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol (really) opens with Tom Cruise going "So, what was up with that Rabbit's Foot?" "I don't know, dude, why'd you break up with Thandie Newton after the second movie?"
As nice as it is to believe that someone would actually decide to adapt a video game or something by framing it as a mysterious trailer with nothing more than a release date, this is the real world. In the real world, David O. Russell hears "adventure with mysterious ruins and savage monsters" and gets family drama. (Because God knows the world needs more heroes with daddy issues. This is ground not at all covered by every single story ever.) (I also love how apparently he wants Mark Wahlberg and Scarlett Johannson for the lead roles. It's like the Uncharted franchise is diving on the grenade of all the leaden, uncharismatic actors in Hollywood. "Whelp, can't get Wahlberg, he's busy doing Uncharted, guess we'll have to get someone people actually like watching.")
What's really frustrating is that J.J. Abrams actually is talented. If he just made a straightforward movie without all the hucksterism, people would still watch it. But what do I know, I'm a blogger and he's a multimillion-dollar creative type. Hmmm...
Dear literary agent,
I'm not going to tell you what my book is about, but if you Google the right segment of the Fibonacci Numbers, as indicated in a throwaway line by Walter Bishop in tonight's episode of Fringe, you'll come up with a password which will open a section of the Slusho website which contains a synopsis and a further clue to what the Matrix is.
You really don't have to get all that excited, because it's a space alien. Watch that trailer. If it weren't J.J. Abrams, what would your first assumption be? Something about Area 51, an alien breaks loose, maybe it's friendly, probably it's not. And Abrams always does this.
1. Come up with an almost insultingly simplistic premise.
2. Promise clues to the premise if you listen to the podcast and use the information from the podcast to open a DVD bonus feature, which will lead you to a website with a puzzle on it, which if you solve will show you a Japanese manga hinting at the plot.
3. Premise turns out to be insultingly simplistic.
Seriously. All the time. Star Trek: "Oh God, they're traveling back in time, what's going on, what are these Romulans doing in the past?" They want to blow up the Earth, just like the last five Star Trek villains (Seriously, Shinzon doesn't even have anything against the Earth, he's going after it strictly as an homage to the Borg Queen).
Lost: "What's with this magic island? Why is it so magic?" It's a magic island because it's magic. Literally. That was the explanation we got. I'm sure I would find that profound if I followed the teachings of Ayn Rand, but I don't, so...
Cloverfield. "What's with this giant monster?" GIANT MONSTER!
Mission: Impossible 3: "What is the Rabbit's Foot?" Oh, we're just not going to ever explain it. Obviously, the actual identity of a McGuffin is pointless, and we can assume it would be any old thing worth a season of 24 for Jack Bauer to stop, but still, didn't this coyness get old around Ronin? Of course, at the end Morpheus says he'll tell Tom Cruise (those are their actual character names) what the Rabbit's Foot is if he rejoins IMF, and now they're making a fourth movie. So I really hope Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol (really) opens with Tom Cruise going "So, what was up with that Rabbit's Foot?" "I don't know, dude, why'd you break up with Thandie Newton after the second movie?"
As nice as it is to believe that someone would actually decide to adapt a video game or something by framing it as a mysterious trailer with nothing more than a release date, this is the real world. In the real world, David O. Russell hears "adventure with mysterious ruins and savage monsters" and gets family drama. (Because God knows the world needs more heroes with daddy issues. This is ground not at all covered by every single story ever.) (I also love how apparently he wants Mark Wahlberg and Scarlett Johannson for the lead roles. It's like the Uncharted franchise is diving on the grenade of all the leaden, uncharismatic actors in Hollywood. "Whelp, can't get Wahlberg, he's busy doing Uncharted, guess we'll have to get someone people actually like watching.")
What's really frustrating is that J.J. Abrams actually is talented. If he just made a straightforward movie without all the hucksterism, people would still watch it. But what do I know, I'm a blogger and he's a multimillion-dollar creative type. Hmmm...
Dear literary agent,
I'm not going to tell you what my book is about, but if you Google the right segment of the Fibonacci Numbers, as indicated in a throwaway line by Walter Bishop in tonight's episode of Fringe, you'll come up with a password which will open a section of the Slusho website which contains a synopsis and a further clue to what the Matrix is.
Nikita fic: Candy Heart (Alex/Nikita)
Feb. 11th, 2011 03:53 pmTitle: Candy Heart
Fandom: Nikita
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2,075
Author's note: Spoilers for the last episode.
Characters/Pairings: Alex/Nikita
Summary: Every couple exchanges Valentines a different way.
( I hate this, you know. I hate never knowing when to push you back and when to hold you close. You want so much from me… you know how hard it is for me to give it to you. But I want to. I want to. You know that, right? )
Fandom: Nikita
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2,075
Author's note: Spoilers for the last episode.
Characters/Pairings: Alex/Nikita
Summary: Every couple exchanges Valentines a different way.
( I hate this, you know. I hate never knowing when to push you back and when to hold you close. You want so much from me… you know how hard it is for me to give it to you. But I want to. I want to. You know that, right? )
