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Six porn parodies that need to happen
Jan. 28th, 2011 10:28 am1. The Last Derriere-bender
Tagline: Where the only whitewashing is the money shot!
Premise: Unlike some other industries, there are plenty of Asians in porn.
Drawbacks: The lack of male Asian porn stars makes for an equally uncomfortable subtext. And despite canon, it's not Girl!Aang's head that's shaved...
2. Legend of the Suck-Her
Tagline: Less swordfights, but more "swordfights."
Premise: LotS fans finally get a third season, only with the entire cast replaced with porn stars. Except for Craig Parker, oddly enough. And they finally get to see Richard and Kahlan consummate their relationship. And Cara and Kahlan. And Richard, Cara, and Kahlan. And really, just about everyone except Zedd and his chicken.
Drawbacks: Due to the subject matter, the entire parody is a bondage film. No one complains.
Real drawbacks: Alas, there's just no replacing the girls. No, the other girls.
3. Deadpool
Tagline: It's just like Cable & Deadpool, only Cable is now a hot chick with low self-esteem.
Premise: In a fourth-wall-breaking fondling masterpiece, Deadpool films a sex tape chock full of in-jokes, surrealist humor, and, oddly enough, Wonder Woman.
Drawbacks: And you thought Deadpool was overexposed before...
4. In-yo-ception
Tagline: We need to go deeper.
Premise: Cobb also feels really guilty about not banging Jenna Jameson, which wrecks havoc on his attempt to perform inception on Robert Fischer... with sexy results!
Drawbacks: Sorry fangirls, but given the target audience, you really think Arthur is going to be the meat in the Arthur/Aradne/Eames sandwich?
5. Pride & Prejudice & Zombies & Blowjobs
Tagline: Fuck Jane Austen -- literally!
Premise: Taking the modification of classical literature to its logical conclusion, Elizabeth Bennet now fights zombies with kung-fu and has a six-way incestuous lesbian fling with her sisters. Yes, even Mary.
Drawbacks: Fans end up outraged by a scene in which Elizabeth doms Mr. Darcy, even though let's face it... that's how it would go down.
6. Spartacus: Blood & Vagina
Tagline: I'm in Spartacus!
Premise: The classic story of Spartacus is retold, now with fucking, and with graphic battle scenes to spice up the parts where people aren't fucking.
Drawbacks: Sam Raimi's people kinda already thought they were filming the porn version of Spartacus.
Tagline: Where the only whitewashing is the money shot!
Premise: Unlike some other industries, there are plenty of Asians in porn.
Drawbacks: The lack of male Asian porn stars makes for an equally uncomfortable subtext. And despite canon, it's not Girl!Aang's head that's shaved...
2. Legend of the Suck-Her
Tagline: Less swordfights, but more "swordfights."
Premise: LotS fans finally get a third season, only with the entire cast replaced with porn stars. Except for Craig Parker, oddly enough. And they finally get to see Richard and Kahlan consummate their relationship. And Cara and Kahlan. And Richard, Cara, and Kahlan. And really, just about everyone except Zedd and his chicken.
Drawbacks: Due to the subject matter, the entire parody is a bondage film. No one complains.
Real drawbacks: Alas, there's just no replacing the girls. No, the other girls.
3. Deadpool
Tagline: It's just like Cable & Deadpool, only Cable is now a hot chick with low self-esteem.
Premise: In a fourth-wall-
Drawbacks: And you thought Deadpool was overexposed before...
4. In-yo-ception
Tagline: We need to go deeper.
Premise: Cobb also feels really guilty about not banging Jenna Jameson, which wrecks havoc on his attempt to perform inception on Robert Fischer... with sexy results!
Drawbacks: Sorry fangirls, but given the target audience, you really think Arthur is going to be the meat in the Arthur/Aradne/Eames sandwich?
5. Pride & Prejudice & Zombies & Blowjobs
Tagline: Fuck Jane Austen -- literally!
Premise: Taking the modification of classical literature to its logical conclusion, Elizabeth Bennet now fights zombies with kung-fu and has a six-way incestuous lesbian fling with her sisters. Yes, even Mary.
Drawbacks: Fans end up outraged by a scene in which Elizabeth doms Mr. Darcy, even though let's face it... that's how it would go down.
6. Spartacus: Blood & Vagina
Tagline: I'm in Spartacus!
Premise: The classic story of Spartacus is retold, now with fucking, and with graphic battle scenes to spice up the parts where people aren't fucking.
Drawbacks: Sam Raimi's people kinda already thought they were filming the porn version of Spartacus.
