So we start off watching Tess sleep, which transitions into a flashback of Tess sleeping as a child. There's nothing I could say that won't make me look like a creeper, so let's move on. She's in an orphanage, which she tries to escape, but she's captured after an excess of speed-ramping. Zach Snyder, no! So I guess this means Tess was raised at Granny Goodness' orphanage. And she was captured by pirates, which was where she met Ollie, and then she became a spy, and then she became Lex's right-hand man. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if she turned out to be the Lindberg baby (note from the future: I didn't know it when I made this joke, but, uh… HOLY SHIT).
She's also Batman.After the credits, we see Lois sorting through a box of her mom's things where she finds a videotape. Lois is worried that it'll be her mother yelling at her for not visiting her when she was in the hospital, dying of cancer. Wow. How much of a bitch do you have to be if your daughter is afraid you left her a post-mortem rage-vomit?
Clark goes to Watchtower, where Tess needs help. See, she's worried because someone broke into the mansion and… BWAHAHAHA! Anyway, Clark manages to peel a sticker off and find a clue on the figurine that the intruder left. Good hustle, Clark. Now I see why she called you in. It leads them to, yes, Granny Goodness, who is at that moment wiping a girl's memory with CGI hands. That's a creative interpretation of her character.
Cut to Lois finally watching that tape her dead mother left behind. See, Clark needed to go on patrol… wait, you don't want to stick around to support your girlfriend as she watches her dead mother's last words to her? Okay. Ass. Anyway, her mom reveals that she didn't want Lois to visit her at the hospital, so no drama there. Lois's mom further reveals a figurine that the General got her when she found out she was pregnant, back when they were stationed in Russia (Lois is, what, mid-twenties? Were there a lot of U.S. military personnel stationed in Russia during the Cold War?). She's recorded the videos to guide Lois through the things a daughter should learn from a mother. "The backflip is 90% confidence." Ma Lane finishes up by telling Lois that she will always love her. Well, I can see how you'd need an entire videotape (one of a series) to tell her all that.
"Now here's a hilarious episode of Night Court to help you get over my passing."( Read more... )![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
