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Right! So we start off with Lois going to an archaeological dig in Egypt, where naturally she responds to the good fortune of her promotion and the incredible opportunity of visiting a foreign land by complaining about how her dream job has become "a thousand and one Arabian nightmares." Finally, she comes across Michael Shanks, playing Carter Hall/Hawkman. "Hey, we've been digging for weeks, but so far all we've found is this dumb wheel thing." Lois quickly shows her Pulitzer-winning talent by talking all about herself (instead of, you know, interviewing him) and pawing at all the ancient Egyptian artifacts whilst saying how stupid they are. Lois Lane: Proving that you can be pretty and yet an Ugly American.
Finally, Carter (who is babysitting Lois for Clark, not-at-all undercutting Clark's bullshit about how he's respecting Lois's decision to leave) puts the sub out of its text by sharing that he knows Clark is Superman, and giving her a stiff drink. Yes, liquor Lois up, that'll make her less annoying. So they brought Michael Shanks on just so he could comment on Lois and Clark's relationship difficulties. Still, anything that keeps him out of that God-awful Hawkman costume. All is fine and dandy until he starts hallucinating that Lois is his lost love Shayera. Ummm… what? He kisses her, upon which she slaps him. That was for leaving SG-1!
Meanwhile, in Metropolis, Clark has a new partner, Cat Grant. In the comics, she was a giant slut (note to self: don't post this review on Scans_Daily), while in the show they've made her a perky blonde hellion. So why call her Cat Grant?
Knowing the lengths they would have to go to make a character that would make the audience long for Lois's return, not only is Cat a purveyor of all things cute and cuddly, and a hater of superheroes, and apparently a fundamentalist Christian. She reveals that it took "weeks" of hard work to get to the Daily Planet, to which Clark evinces surprise. Uh, Kal-El, didn't you just wake up one morning, decide to be a reporter, and have a desk like that? Cat has a low opinion of superheroes, making me wonder how she got hired in the first place. Hasn't the Daily Planet been saved multiple times by superheroes, including last week? Apparently, Tess hired Cat and made her Clark's partner just to screw with him. So just in case you're wondering why I fan Tess, there it is.
Cat is nearly assassinated by Deadshot, who's been reimagined as a Wild West gunslinger (!) who blows up her car with Cat and Clark in it. Clark superspeeds her out mid-explosion, which she doesn't seem to find all that odd. Clark doesn't even have to make a "we were blown clear!" explanation or anything, despite the fact that the back of his clothes are shredded. Also, Cat's antipathy for superheroes is for some reason likened to homophobia, with her calling vigilantism an "alternate lifestyle" and ranting about the "vigilante agenda." I get the "mutants = homosexuality" concept, but this seems to be taking it a little far.
And again, why are we calling this guy Deadshot? I seem to recall Deadshot was popular because of his death wish and moustache and stuff, so why keep the name and eyepiece and turn him into the villain of Deliverance 2: Squeal Harder?
In other news, Ollie is searching for Chloe, who has left him a love letter (calling him her knight in shining leather. TMI, Chlo), but has apparently not left any such message for Clark, as he doesn't even know she's missing. Even if she is romantically over him, isn't he still her best friend and the center of her existence? This seems completely OOC. But of course, Chloe is apparently operating under some sort of Dr. Fate plan, so nothing she does has to make sense. Chloe also says that she's never loved anyone as much as Ollie. Hey, would he eat a gangster for you? I don't think so!
In a somewhat amusing sequence, Ollie stumbles across an in-hiding Cat and has to deal with her array of self-defense items. This becomes less amusing in a later scene, where it turns out that Cat is really Mary-Louise, a woman who got into an extremely bad relationship and has had to change her name to protect herself and her young son, but she still wants to be a journalist, so she uses Cat Grant as a sort of pen name. Bizarrely, Clark compares Cat's attempt at self-preservation to masked vigilantism, which is almost as dunderheaded as it is offensive. Clark, Ollie and the others made a choice to fight crime by breaking the law instead of joining the police. Cat is in fear for her own life and that of her infant son, and that's why she's doing something perfectly legal and sane to protect herself. It's like me saying that because people yell at me when I slap them in the face, I'm being persecuted just like Matthew Shepherd.
As it turns out, Deadshot's real target is Clark, and he targets Cat to draw Clark out of hiding. It just goes to show the dearth of supporting cast in the Smallville universe when villains have to strike at the heroes through guest stars. He herds Cat through a bus station (it's really hard) to a big spray-painted target, where she helpfully stands still for EIGHT SECONDS while a kitchen timer counts down to shoot a rifle at her. Clark saves her, but in the process gets tagged by some blood toxin thing. Carter and Ollie are also tagged. Why couldn't they do that to Ollie back when he was a prisoner, instead of setting up some weird Mexican stand-off that gets a field agent injured with a crossbow bolt? Someone could've died.
Ollie manages to track down (I guess) Rick Flagg, revealing the bad guys to be the Suicide Squad. But I thought they were working for Checkmate, so uhh? Whatever. Flagg says that Chloe committed suicide by cyanide pill, but Ollie reveals to Clark that he found a cyanide antidote in Chloe's apartment, so she faked her own death. Which still seems like a lot of trouble to go to when you're friends with Superman. It's all according to the Dr. Fate seeing-the-future plan, which 1. also happened last season, and 2. is perhaps the most naked narrative contrivance on network television. "Wait, why is Chloe giving Tess a lapdance while dressed up like Daisy Duke?" "It must be because of the vision Dr. Fate's helmet gave her!" Actually, that would redeem the whole thing.
It all ends up in Clark and Ollie talking about how much they miss their chicks, so you see what they did there? With the parallels? Back in Egypt, Carter asks Lois not to tell Clark about the stolen kiss. Dude, Lois has swapped spit with half the Justice League, Clark's not going to mind her starting in on the Justice Society. Carter says that the visions of his wife are a sign that he's shortly going to die and start a new life with her, which will be followed with Jonas Quinn being Hawkman for a season. Then, oddly enough, Carter starts speaking of Nietzsche's ubermensch philosophy in glowing terms, with Lois helpfully pointing out the English translation. Uh, guys? I don't really think you want to aid any comparisons between superheroes and the ubermensch.
Coupled with Carter's breathless admiration of the will to power is Clark stepping out in slow-motion, to epic music, into the light of day, high on a rooftop with rippling CGI American flags in the background. This is a bit self-indulgent for the tenth season, don't you think? Maybe five years ago, but not now. He's wearing a red leather jacket with an S-crest on it over a blue T-shirt, along with dark pants. It's a damn sight better than the Matrix trenchcoat, thank Rao, but as (I guess) the costume for the remainder of the season, it's as creatively bankrupt as Wonder Woman's new costume, and to me it seems a lot more like something Superboy would wear than ol' Kal-El. Damnit, Smallville, you can't make every costume realistic by turning it into a jacket and slacks. This isn't the 90s. There are rules.
Finally, Carter (who is babysitting Lois for Clark, not-at-all undercutting Clark's bullshit about how he's respecting Lois's decision to leave) puts the sub out of its text by sharing that he knows Clark is Superman, and giving her a stiff drink. Yes, liquor Lois up, that'll make her less annoying. So they brought Michael Shanks on just so he could comment on Lois and Clark's relationship difficulties. Still, anything that keeps him out of that God-awful Hawkman costume. All is fine and dandy until he starts hallucinating that Lois is his lost love Shayera. Ummm… what? He kisses her, upon which she slaps him. That was for leaving SG-1!
Meanwhile, in Metropolis, Clark has a new partner, Cat Grant. In the comics, she was a giant slut (note to self: don't post this review on Scans_Daily), while in the show they've made her a perky blonde hellion. So why call her Cat Grant?
Knowing the lengths they would have to go to make a character that would make the audience long for Lois's return, not only is Cat a purveyor of all things cute and cuddly, and a hater of superheroes, and apparently a fundamentalist Christian. She reveals that it took "weeks" of hard work to get to the Daily Planet, to which Clark evinces surprise. Uh, Kal-El, didn't you just wake up one morning, decide to be a reporter, and have a desk like that? Cat has a low opinion of superheroes, making me wonder how she got hired in the first place. Hasn't the Daily Planet been saved multiple times by superheroes, including last week? Apparently, Tess hired Cat and made her Clark's partner just to screw with him. So just in case you're wondering why I fan Tess, there it is.
Cat is nearly assassinated by Deadshot, who's been reimagined as a Wild West gunslinger (!) who blows up her car with Cat and Clark in it. Clark superspeeds her out mid-explosion, which she doesn't seem to find all that odd. Clark doesn't even have to make a "we were blown clear!" explanation or anything, despite the fact that the back of his clothes are shredded. Also, Cat's antipathy for superheroes is for some reason likened to homophobia, with her calling vigilantism an "alternate lifestyle" and ranting about the "vigilante agenda." I get the "mutants = homosexuality" concept, but this seems to be taking it a little far.
And again, why are we calling this guy Deadshot? I seem to recall Deadshot was popular because of his death wish and moustache and stuff, so why keep the name and eyepiece and turn him into the villain of Deliverance 2: Squeal Harder?
In other news, Ollie is searching for Chloe, who has left him a love letter (calling him her knight in shining leather. TMI, Chlo), but has apparently not left any such message for Clark, as he doesn't even know she's missing. Even if she is romantically over him, isn't he still her best friend and the center of her existence? This seems completely OOC. But of course, Chloe is apparently operating under some sort of Dr. Fate plan, so nothing she does has to make sense. Chloe also says that she's never loved anyone as much as Ollie. Hey, would he eat a gangster for you? I don't think so!
In a somewhat amusing sequence, Ollie stumbles across an in-hiding Cat and has to deal with her array of self-defense items. This becomes less amusing in a later scene, where it turns out that Cat is really Mary-Louise, a woman who got into an extremely bad relationship and has had to change her name to protect herself and her young son, but she still wants to be a journalist, so she uses Cat Grant as a sort of pen name. Bizarrely, Clark compares Cat's attempt at self-preservation to masked vigilantism, which is almost as dunderheaded as it is offensive. Clark, Ollie and the others made a choice to fight crime by breaking the law instead of joining the police. Cat is in fear for her own life and that of her infant son, and that's why she's doing something perfectly legal and sane to protect herself. It's like me saying that because people yell at me when I slap them in the face, I'm being persecuted just like Matthew Shepherd.
As it turns out, Deadshot's real target is Clark, and he targets Cat to draw Clark out of hiding. It just goes to show the dearth of supporting cast in the Smallville universe when villains have to strike at the heroes through guest stars. He herds Cat through a bus station (it's really hard) to a big spray-painted target, where she helpfully stands still for EIGHT SECONDS while a kitchen timer counts down to shoot a rifle at her. Clark saves her, but in the process gets tagged by some blood toxin thing. Carter and Ollie are also tagged. Why couldn't they do that to Ollie back when he was a prisoner, instead of setting up some weird Mexican stand-off that gets a field agent injured with a crossbow bolt? Someone could've died.
Ollie manages to track down (I guess) Rick Flagg, revealing the bad guys to be the Suicide Squad. But I thought they were working for Checkmate, so uhh? Whatever. Flagg says that Chloe committed suicide by cyanide pill, but Ollie reveals to Clark that he found a cyanide antidote in Chloe's apartment, so she faked her own death. Which still seems like a lot of trouble to go to when you're friends with Superman. It's all according to the Dr. Fate seeing-the-future plan, which 1. also happened last season, and 2. is perhaps the most naked narrative contrivance on network television. "Wait, why is Chloe giving Tess a lapdance while dressed up like Daisy Duke?" "It must be because of the vision Dr. Fate's helmet gave her!" Actually, that would redeem the whole thing.
It all ends up in Clark and Ollie talking about how much they miss their chicks, so you see what they did there? With the parallels? Back in Egypt, Carter asks Lois not to tell Clark about the stolen kiss. Dude, Lois has swapped spit with half the Justice League, Clark's not going to mind her starting in on the Justice Society. Carter says that the visions of his wife are a sign that he's shortly going to die and start a new life with her, which will be followed with Jonas Quinn being Hawkman for a season. Then, oddly enough, Carter starts speaking of Nietzsche's ubermensch philosophy in glowing terms, with Lois helpfully pointing out the English translation. Uh, guys? I don't really think you want to aid any comparisons between superheroes and the ubermensch.
Coupled with Carter's breathless admiration of the will to power is Clark stepping out in slow-motion, to epic music, into the light of day, high on a rooftop with rippling CGI American flags in the background. This is a bit self-indulgent for the tenth season, don't you think? Maybe five years ago, but not now. He's wearing a red leather jacket with an S-crest on it over a blue T-shirt, along with dark pants. It's a damn sight better than the Matrix trenchcoat, thank Rao, but as (I guess) the costume for the remainder of the season, it's as creatively bankrupt as Wonder Woman's new costume, and to me it seems a lot more like something Superboy would wear than ol' Kal-El. Damnit, Smallville, you can't make every costume realistic by turning it into a jacket and slacks. This isn't the 90s. There are rules.
