Movie review: Ricochet

There are probably about ten different movies with this title, so. This is the one with Denzel Washington as a charming assistant DA who's so charming that he met his wife by writing her a ticket and then giving her his phone number in case she wanted to get it ripped up. Charmingly. It must be good to be Denzel Washington. Oh, and John Lithgow as the psychopath who Washington put away back when he was a cop, and who now wants needlessly elaborate revenge!

I don’t know if I’d call Ricochet a good movie; its plot forces a number of supposedly brilliant characters to make idiotic decisions, it has a third act that compounds that stupidity tenfold (if you’ve been framed for murder, why not blow up a building to prove your innocence?), and I’m pretty sure that a copy of Predator is missing its soundtrack, because this movie has the exact same musical cues. But it does have… a prison fight… between John Lithgow… and a Nazi samurai… played by Jesse ‘the Body’ Ventura. Lick that lollipop, Oz!

Plus, it manages to work in Kevin Pollock’s god-like Shatner impression, which inclines me to give it an automatic thumbs up. I mean, fucking look at this impression!

LOVE QUADRILATERAL!

The Demon's Lexicon by Sarah Rees Brennan

I know I've been down on a lot of books lately, but this one I really enjoyed. Basically, everything City of Bones got wrong, this one gets right. Even though you can make comparisons to Supernatural, with the main characters being two brothers in a codependent relationship with a negligent parent and some demons on their ass, I would say the comparisons are unfair (not least of which because Demon is a bit nicer on its female characters) and the story is it's own beast. It just does a good job setting all the characters apart, making them all sympathetic, and even uses the viewpoint in a cool way to take the least objectively likable character and making him the narrator so you're less inclined to go "eww, what a psychopath" and more like "I hope that guy quits being such a psychopath." It's just good storytelling and really shows the thought put into the work.

If I have one complaint, it's that the twist is really easy to see coming. There's way too much foreshadowing, so instead of being in the hero's shoes when he's going "oh no, how can this be!" you're just like "yes, yes, we figured this out ten chapters ago, move on." But YMMV.

The Forest of Hands And Teeth by Carrie Ryan

This one I didn't like so much. In fact, it does some things to make me actively dislike it. Like, just for instance, the heroine spends some time going "I don't need a man to be happy, I'm going to accomplish my goals instead because they're what matter most to me!" (Because seeing the ocean is more important than being in love, dontchaknow) And then the narrative is still all about who's boning who and not about getting shit done, like, make up your mind book.

Anyway, forget all about the zombies and the nun-Nazis, this book is all about a love quadrangle. Now, I know some of you are trying to be authors, so let me give you a word of advice. Don't write love quadrangles. Lost is one of the best shows on TV. They did a love quadrangle between Jack, Sawyer, Kate, and Juliet (in which just about every possible combination hooked up except for Kate and Juliet, darn the luck). FANS HATED IT.

Battlestar Galactica, another of the best shows on TV. Love quadrangle between Lee, Kara, Dee, and Sam. FANS HATED IT.

So before you write a love quadrangle, find a case where it was done well and copy off them, because right now, the odds are against you. I think it's that with a quadrangle, the odds are just too low to care. Say things don't work out with Kate and Sawyer. Gee, I guess she'll be stuck with that troll Jack. How horrid. What single sin could a woman commit in one lifetime to earn such a fate?

Anyway, the love quadrangle in Forest, I just couldn't buy. It just seemed so obviously contrived for maximum angst that I didn't buy into it. It belongs in a soap opera. (Sorry, Otalia fans, you know what I mean.) Check this shit:

Okay, Mary is in love with Travis, but engaged to be married to his brother Harry. Mary's best friend Cass is in love with Harry (who is in love with Mary), but engaged to be married to Travis. Oh, and Harry and Travis's sister is married to Jed, who is Mary's brother.


"Everybody got that?"

It just made me wish that everyone would be fucking adults and talk this shit out instead of "oh heart! oh ag-oo-ney!"

Okay, so I guess the epic romance's not for me. But the thing is, the book misrepresents itself. While it's getting this convoluted un-orgy into play, it brings up all these plot points and mysteries that you think are going to pay off later, but they never do! Ooh, a girl from the outside world, mysterious! Ooh, the nun-Nazis are conducting experiments on people, creepy! What the hey, one of the zombies is fast and smart!?

Okay, so what's up with that?

...

Book? Hello? Look, I didn't bring this up, you did. Was it just to eat up pages while you tried to get me to care about the characters? Does it have no bearing at all on the plot? Is it just a bunch of spackle you've thrown at the story to force it along?

Look, I don't insist everything be explained. Romero never explained why the dead were rising, so as far as I'm concerned, no zombie movie has to explain its apocalypse if it doesn't want to... but if you make a point of it, then you have to follow through.

You say maybe they're going to explain it in a sequel, but I don't really see a need for the sequel (apparently the author agrees, as Wikipedia says the sequel focuses on the daughter of one of the characters). By the end of the book, all the character arcs are done, the journey is over, there's no cliffhanger, no Darth Vader escaping to fight another day. It'd be like if on Lost, all the characters got off the island, and then they said "Tune in next season for us to explain what was up with that bird that said Hurley's name." Why can't you integrate the revelations about your world-building with the fates of the characters? That's Storytelling 101.

Really now, EVIL NUNS EXPERIMENTING ON THE UNDEAD. I don't care how girly you are, Carrie Ryan, you're still writing a zombie book and there's no way I'm going to care more about who cashes in the protagonist's V-card than I am about the mad scientist nuns.