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A lot of people think that being a novelist gets harder over time. After all, you've used those four of five ideas everyone has for a book, now you have to come up with new ones. Plus, likable characters, thrilling suspense scenes, enthralling love stories... but here's the secret. You really don't have to. Because once you write five good books, you're done.
Now, your sixth book will require characters, and many people think characters should be either interesting or sympathetic. Ha! Make them as assholish as you want. If people complain, just say "you don't get it!" If you're doing it right, you won't even have to! Your readers will do it for you. "They're supposed to be unpleasant, he's making a point about the Patriarchy!" Cha-ching!
But what about page count? Five books in, haven't you exhausted all the easy metaphors and picked clean all the unique details of your life? What's going to fill all those pages? Sex scenes. And lots of them!
Of course, your book can't be all sex scenes. Laurell K. Hamilton already did that. So just copy-paste a rant from a conservative blog and have one of your characters deliver it. If you're a liberal, just throw in a long, pointless conversations about pop culture. By a strange coincidence, your characters' feelings will mirror your own. And damnit, the audience deserves to know your thoughts on whether Scarlett belongs with Snake Eyes or Duke!
Remember, just because they're ancient warriors out to stop the Apocalypse, doesn't mean they don't have valid thoughts to share about the BSG finale!
Always remember, what right does the audience have to ask that plot threads "have something to do with each other" or "belong in the same book"? And how can there be such a thing as too much personal information, anyway? If people don't want to know what you do with those Asian hookers, they shouldn't buy the books! Exposing the author's creepy power fantasies is what made the fantasy genre great!
Where a lot of writers go wrong is thinking they need an editor. After five books, you know everything there is to know about writing. If you think the audience has to read 300,000 pages, then that's what they'll read! And 230,000 of them will be about how Nixon was underrated, or your great love of patinas. Remember, it never stopped Herman Melville!
Lastly, you may think you need a great ending. Pah! Don't worry about it. Just come up with the most abrupt, unsatisfying thing you can think of and throw it out there. If they really want to know whether the characters lived or die, they can always buy a sequel.
Note: Always have a sequel. Don't listen to the conventional wisdom that "book series shouldn't be 34 volumes long" or "you should end a story when it feels right." The only time it feels right is when the books have stopped selling!
Now, your sixth book will require characters, and many people think characters should be either interesting or sympathetic. Ha! Make them as assholish as you want. If people complain, just say "you don't get it!" If you're doing it right, you won't even have to! Your readers will do it for you. "They're supposed to be unpleasant, he's making a point about the Patriarchy!" Cha-ching!
But what about page count? Five books in, haven't you exhausted all the easy metaphors and picked clean all the unique details of your life? What's going to fill all those pages? Sex scenes. And lots of them!
Of course, your book can't be all sex scenes. Laurell K. Hamilton already did that. So just copy-paste a rant from a conservative blog and have one of your characters deliver it. If you're a liberal, just throw in a long, pointless conversations about pop culture. By a strange coincidence, your characters' feelings will mirror your own. And damnit, the audience deserves to know your thoughts on whether Scarlett belongs with Snake Eyes or Duke!
Remember, just because they're ancient warriors out to stop the Apocalypse, doesn't mean they don't have valid thoughts to share about the BSG finale!
Always remember, what right does the audience have to ask that plot threads "have something to do with each other" or "belong in the same book"? And how can there be such a thing as too much personal information, anyway? If people don't want to know what you do with those Asian hookers, they shouldn't buy the books! Exposing the author's creepy power fantasies is what made the fantasy genre great!
Where a lot of writers go wrong is thinking they need an editor. After five books, you know everything there is to know about writing. If you think the audience has to read 300,000 pages, then that's what they'll read! And 230,000 of them will be about how Nixon was underrated, or your great love of patinas. Remember, it never stopped Herman Melville!
Lastly, you may think you need a great ending. Pah! Don't worry about it. Just come up with the most abrupt, unsatisfying thing you can think of and throw it out there. If they really want to know whether the characters lived or die, they can always buy a sequel.
Note: Always have a sequel. Don't listen to the conventional wisdom that "book series shouldn't be 34 volumes long" or "you should end a story when it feels right." The only time it feels right is when the books have stopped selling!
