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Movie Reviews
Sep. 3rd, 2008 10:36 amSame deal. I watch the movies for free so you don't have to. And trust me, you really, really don't have to.
Mirrors - Watching this, I was so tired of ghost stories wherein ghosts demand that someone solve their murder or whatever and make this request by scaring the shit out of the person in question. Imagine if this happened in real-life.
You: Hey, Jesse, where are...
Jesse: BUGA BUGA!
You: AHHHHHH!
Jesse: Ha ha ha. Hey, wanna help me move?
( Spoilers. )
Star Wars: Clone Wars - It says something about George Lucas that the purportedly serious installment for fans of his original trilogy is named "Attack of the Clones", while the kiddified version is dignified with the title "The Clone Wars". Now, anyone can tell you how a Star Wars story starts. There's a big scroll of yellow letters, then we see a starship fly by on the way to some direly important business. So how do you think this starts?
With someone READING the text crawl. Worse yet, it's a narrator in the style of old WW2 newsreels, just to destroy the last bits of versimilitude that weren't obliterated by the diner in AOTC. We get to see snippets of the narration being dramatized, which at least introduces us to the butt-ugly character design and animation right off the bat. Everyone looks like they escaped from a Sega Saturn cutscene.
It's hard for me to oversell how completely un-Star-Wars this makes the enterprise feel. Imagine John McClane's "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker" line from Live Free Or Die Hard being neutered and then multiply by ten.
( Can you have plot spoilers without a plot? )
Mirrors - Watching this, I was so tired of ghost stories wherein ghosts demand that someone solve their murder or whatever and make this request by scaring the shit out of the person in question. Imagine if this happened in real-life.
You: Hey, Jesse, where are...
Jesse: BUGA BUGA!
You: AHHHHHH!
Jesse: Ha ha ha. Hey, wanna help me move?
( Spoilers. )
Star Wars: Clone Wars - It says something about George Lucas that the purportedly serious installment for fans of his original trilogy is named "Attack of the Clones", while the kiddified version is dignified with the title "The Clone Wars". Now, anyone can tell you how a Star Wars story starts. There's a big scroll of yellow letters, then we see a starship fly by on the way to some direly important business. So how do you think this starts?
With someone READING the text crawl. Worse yet, it's a narrator in the style of old WW2 newsreels, just to destroy the last bits of versimilitude that weren't obliterated by the diner in AOTC. We get to see snippets of the narration being dramatized, which at least introduces us to the butt-ugly character design and animation right off the bat. Everyone looks like they escaped from a Sega Saturn cutscene.
It's hard for me to oversell how completely un-Star-Wars this makes the enterprise feel. Imagine John McClane's "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker" line from Live Free Or Die Hard being neutered and then multiply by ten.
( Can you have plot spoilers without a plot? )
