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seriousficTitle: The History of the DC Universe (as told by chibis) Part 2: A Booboo In The Family.
Fandom: Batman
Rating: G
Word Count: 1,566
Characters/Pairings: Chibi!Batman, Chibi!Robin, Chibi!Joker, Chibi!Two-Face
Timeline: Inspired by Superman/Batman 51 (the chibi issue) and AIM conversation with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shananagin. Sequel to Part 1 (clearly)
Summary: After the Joker throws a snowball with a rock in it at Jason, Tim makes friends with Bruce. But after Harvey gets paint on his face and refuses to take a bath to wash it off, will the new Batman and Robin be able to stop his reign of meanness?
“Your reign of madness ends tonight, Joker!” Batman growled, preparing for battle. “You’ve been throwing snowballs at people when they weren’t looking. That’s…” his eyes narrowed, “not nice.”
“You won’t be the one to send me to bed without supper, Bat-brain!” The Joker began rolling a snowball.
Robin ran forward. The snow crunched under his feet. “I’ll get him, Batman!”
“Jason, wait!”
Joker threw a snowball. As it hit Robin’s face, Batman heard the sound of the rock inside it impacting with Robin’s head. It might have even broken the skin.
“Nooooooooo!”
***
It used to be that when Dick and Bruce played together, Tim got to come along because he was Dick’s little brother and Dick’s mom (Tim’s stepmom – it was complicated) made Dick let Tim tag along. But after Dick started spending all his time holding hands with Kory and playing with his new friends, Tim kept playing with Bruce instead of his stepbrother. And now, with Jason angry at Bruce for not throwing a rock at Joker after what Joker had done, it looked like it was up to him to be Bruce’s new best friend!
He went over to Bruce’s house first thing in the morning, passing Wally on his paper route. His friend Bart had tried to take over Wally’s route, but then some mean kids had pushed him off his bike and now Wally was doing it again.
He rung the doorbell. Alfred answered, a little sandwich bag full of goldfish in hand. “Yes?”
“Hi, it’s Tim. Tim Drake. Can Bruce play?”
“I was just making his lunch. I suppose you can see him.”
***
Bruce was writing on a chalkboard when Tim found him. He’d drawn a stick figure, one half of its round face simple green slate, the other half covered with swirls of chalk.
“Hey, Bruce?” Tim walked in. “Alfred said we could play together… if you want. You know, since Dick and Jason are busy…”
“That’s good. We’ll have a man for each of Harvey Dent’s faces.”
“Huh?”
Bruce tapped the chalkboard. “Harvey Dent was discussing Richard Scarry's Busy, Busy Town in class when Maroni got angry at him and threw some paint at him. And he hates taking baths, so he won't let me wash it off!”
Tim nodded. He’d read about it in the school paper. “And now he can never decide whether to be a naughty boy or a good boy, so he has to flip a coin to decide!”
Bruce nodded grimly. “One side of the penny: Shiny. The other: Dirty.”
“He should polish it.”
“Quick, Tim! To the Bat-bikes!”
***
“Where do you get these wonderful toys?” Tim asked as they pedaled to school.
“Toys R Us.”
***
The teacher, John Jones, took role-call. Harvey didn’t answer. Bruce and Tim exchanged a glance. This could be trouble. They kept an eye out for him all day. Whenever they came across a naughty kid, Tim would kneel down behind him and Bruce would push the villain so he fell over Tim, then they would demand to know where Harvey was. None of them knew.
Then came recess. They went outside to play and suddenly Tim had an idea.
“Wait! You said Harvey was obsessed with duality!”
“Yes.” Bruce scratched his chin. “The school librarian said he spent some of the morning reading ‘One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish’ over and over again.”
“Then wouldn’t it make sense for him to be playing on the seesaw?”
“Good thinking, Robin! Quick, to the Bat-poles!”
They ran past the Bat-poles, where several kids were playing tetherball, and to the seesaw. Two-Face was hogging it, refusing to let any of the other kids play. And Booster and Ted really wanted to play on the seesaw together.
“No! It’s ours! All ours!” Harvey laughed. One side of his face was covered with dried paint. And where it had flaked off, he had drawn on himself with Magic Marker. Truly, he had gone mad.
“Your reign of madness ends this afternoon!” Bruce cried.
“We think not, old friend!” Two-Face lifted a snowball.
“Watch out, Robin! Yellow snow!” Bruce yanked Tim behind the slide. “I can’t let another boy be harmed on my watch!”
“Bruce, you’re like a year older than me.”
Bruce had already pulled out a dart gun. He jumped out and fired. The dart hit and stuck to Two-Face’s arm, making him drop the snowball.
“Curses! Two-timed!” Two-Face ran back into the school. Bruce tried to follow him, but…
“My shoelaces came untied!” Bruce cried.
“I’ll get him!”
“Robin, wait! It’s too dangerous! He might bite you!”
Nonetheless, Tim ran into the school in time to see the door to the girls’ bathroom flapping. Briefly, he considered the role of vigilantism in the grand scheme of things. Could he justify going into the girls’ bathroom? From there, it was a slippery slope. Could it lead to him one day going into the teachers’ lounge? The janitor’s closet? Maybe even an R-rated movie?
There was nothing he could do. Two-Face had to be stopped. He walked in.
Oh no! Megan Morse was in there! She was one of the White family’s kids, and everyone knew they were super-mean!
“Oh, hi Tim!” she said, smiling sweetly at him.
Tim played along. All it would take was one scream and she would summon a teacher. And then he’d be in BIG trouble!
“Hi Megan.”
“Have you seen Cassie? She wants to play with you, she’s so upset about Kon being at home with chicken pox.”
Tim frowned. Bart had caught it from Kon and now he had to stay home too. It seemed like all his friends were getting chicken pox.
“I’ll play with her later. Right now, I’m looking for Two-Face.”
“Huh?”
“Harvey Dent.”
“But he’s a boy! What would he be doing in the girl’s bathroom?”
“Fleeing JUSTICE!”
“Ooh, you sound so brave when you say it like that.” Megan paused. “Say, when you play with Cassie, can I come?”
“Uhh…”
“I know all my sisters are mean, but I’m not! That’s why I try to be extra-nice to everyone!”
Tim frowned. Megan just wanted to be friends! Maybe he should’ve been nicer to her. “Sure! Just let me catch Two-Face.”
Just then, Two-Face burst out of one of the stalls. He had a toilet plunger in hand and he held it up to Megan, who went “eek!”
“Don’t do it, Two-Face! That has germs on it!” Tim cried.
“You think I’m afraid of germs? Look at me! I’m dirty!”
Bruce walked in. “You don’t want to hurt the girl, Dent.”
“It’s not about what I want! It’s about what’s fair! We thought we could be diligent students in an indecent school! We were wrong. The world is cruel.” He took his penny out of his pocket. “And the only morality in a cruel world is chance. Unbiased. Unprejudiced. Fair. Megan has the same chance I had. Fifty-fifty.”
“What happened to you wasn’t chance!” Bruce argued desperately. “We decided to act! You, me, and Jim. We all prepared the book report on Richard Scarry's Busy, Busy Town. We all decided you should give the presentation.”
“THEN WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SUFFERED?”
“Because you were the best of us! No one else could’ve told the class about Huckle Cat in such detail. The Joker wanted to prove that even someone as good as you could fall!”
“And he was right.”
“You’re the one holding the plunger, Harvey. So point it at the people who were responsible.”
“Fair enough.” He gave Megan a shove and pointed the plunger at Bruce. “I just thought of a double meaning. Justice really is poop. It is today… and it was when I left the flaming bag of dog crap on Tim’s doorstep!”
Tim gasped. “My father stomped that out! It ruined his shoes!” He lunged forward, tackling Harvey to the ground. The plunger went flying. Bruce grabbed Megan and pulled her away from it. “His nice leather shoes!” Tim dragged Harvey to the sink.
“What’re you doing?”
“What I should’ve done yesterday! I’m going to wash that stuff off your face!”
“No, no!”
Tim reached for the hot water handle.
“Tim, wait!” Bruce said. “Don’t give in to your anger!”
“He ruined my father’s shoes!”
“So, you're willing to scald someone?”
”Long as it's Two-Face.”
”Then it will happen this way: You make the burn, but your pain doesn't die with Harvey, it grows. So you run out into the night to find another face, and another, and another, until one terrible morning you wake up and realize that revenge has become your whole life. And you won't know why.”
”You can't understand! Your family wasn't bullied!”
“Yes, they were. We're the same.”
Harvey stared at the hot water pouring out of the faucet, inches from his face. “The scales are tipped. The blindfold torn from the lady's eyes. Justice will be served. You're a man after my own heart, son. See you in heck!”
Tim turned the cold handle, making the water room temperature. He shoved Harvey under it, washing his face off. “I’d rather see you in detention!”
Harvey screamed that he was going to tell on Batman and Robin as they washed Harvey’s face off with soap and hot-but-not-too-hot water. Then they went home to watch cartoons with Megan. Alfred made them afterschool snacks.
Author's note: Is Two-Face the mysterious pie thief who made Barda cry and (DUN DUN DUN!!!) left a flaming bag of dog doodie on Darkseid's front step? Looks like we've got another mystery on our hands, gang.
Fandom: Batman
Rating: G
Word Count: 1,566
Characters/Pairings: Chibi!Batman, Chibi!Robin, Chibi!Joker, Chibi!Two-Face
Timeline: Inspired by Superman/Batman 51 (the chibi issue) and AIM conversation with
shananagin. Sequel to Part 1 (clearly)Summary: After the Joker throws a snowball with a rock in it at Jason, Tim makes friends with Bruce. But after Harvey gets paint on his face and refuses to take a bath to wash it off, will the new Batman and Robin be able to stop his reign of meanness?
“Your reign of madness ends tonight, Joker!” Batman growled, preparing for battle. “You’ve been throwing snowballs at people when they weren’t looking. That’s…” his eyes narrowed, “not nice.”
“You won’t be the one to send me to bed without supper, Bat-brain!” The Joker began rolling a snowball.
Robin ran forward. The snow crunched under his feet. “I’ll get him, Batman!”
“Jason, wait!”
Joker threw a snowball. As it hit Robin’s face, Batman heard the sound of the rock inside it impacting with Robin’s head. It might have even broken the skin.
“Nooooooooo!”
***
It used to be that when Dick and Bruce played together, Tim got to come along because he was Dick’s little brother and Dick’s mom (Tim’s stepmom – it was complicated) made Dick let Tim tag along. But after Dick started spending all his time holding hands with Kory and playing with his new friends, Tim kept playing with Bruce instead of his stepbrother. And now, with Jason angry at Bruce for not throwing a rock at Joker after what Joker had done, it looked like it was up to him to be Bruce’s new best friend!
He went over to Bruce’s house first thing in the morning, passing Wally on his paper route. His friend Bart had tried to take over Wally’s route, but then some mean kids had pushed him off his bike and now Wally was doing it again.
He rung the doorbell. Alfred answered, a little sandwich bag full of goldfish in hand. “Yes?”
“Hi, it’s Tim. Tim Drake. Can Bruce play?”
“I was just making his lunch. I suppose you can see him.”
***
Bruce was writing on a chalkboard when Tim found him. He’d drawn a stick figure, one half of its round face simple green slate, the other half covered with swirls of chalk.
“Hey, Bruce?” Tim walked in. “Alfred said we could play together… if you want. You know, since Dick and Jason are busy…”
“That’s good. We’ll have a man for each of Harvey Dent’s faces.”
“Huh?”
Bruce tapped the chalkboard. “Harvey Dent was discussing Richard Scarry's Busy, Busy Town in class when Maroni got angry at him and threw some paint at him. And he hates taking baths, so he won't let me wash it off!”
Tim nodded. He’d read about it in the school paper. “And now he can never decide whether to be a naughty boy or a good boy, so he has to flip a coin to decide!”
Bruce nodded grimly. “One side of the penny: Shiny. The other: Dirty.”
“He should polish it.”
“Quick, Tim! To the Bat-bikes!”
***
“Where do you get these wonderful toys?” Tim asked as they pedaled to school.
“Toys R Us.”
***
The teacher, John Jones, took role-call. Harvey didn’t answer. Bruce and Tim exchanged a glance. This could be trouble. They kept an eye out for him all day. Whenever they came across a naughty kid, Tim would kneel down behind him and Bruce would push the villain so he fell over Tim, then they would demand to know where Harvey was. None of them knew.
Then came recess. They went outside to play and suddenly Tim had an idea.
“Wait! You said Harvey was obsessed with duality!”
“Yes.” Bruce scratched his chin. “The school librarian said he spent some of the morning reading ‘One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish’ over and over again.”
“Then wouldn’t it make sense for him to be playing on the seesaw?”
“Good thinking, Robin! Quick, to the Bat-poles!”
They ran past the Bat-poles, where several kids were playing tetherball, and to the seesaw. Two-Face was hogging it, refusing to let any of the other kids play. And Booster and Ted really wanted to play on the seesaw together.
“No! It’s ours! All ours!” Harvey laughed. One side of his face was covered with dried paint. And where it had flaked off, he had drawn on himself with Magic Marker. Truly, he had gone mad.
“Your reign of madness ends this afternoon!” Bruce cried.
“We think not, old friend!” Two-Face lifted a snowball.
“Watch out, Robin! Yellow snow!” Bruce yanked Tim behind the slide. “I can’t let another boy be harmed on my watch!”
“Bruce, you’re like a year older than me.”
Bruce had already pulled out a dart gun. He jumped out and fired. The dart hit and stuck to Two-Face’s arm, making him drop the snowball.
“Curses! Two-timed!” Two-Face ran back into the school. Bruce tried to follow him, but…
“My shoelaces came untied!” Bruce cried.
“I’ll get him!”
“Robin, wait! It’s too dangerous! He might bite you!”
Nonetheless, Tim ran into the school in time to see the door to the girls’ bathroom flapping. Briefly, he considered the role of vigilantism in the grand scheme of things. Could he justify going into the girls’ bathroom? From there, it was a slippery slope. Could it lead to him one day going into the teachers’ lounge? The janitor’s closet? Maybe even an R-rated movie?
There was nothing he could do. Two-Face had to be stopped. He walked in.
Oh no! Megan Morse was in there! She was one of the White family’s kids, and everyone knew they were super-mean!
“Oh, hi Tim!” she said, smiling sweetly at him.
Tim played along. All it would take was one scream and she would summon a teacher. And then he’d be in BIG trouble!
“Hi Megan.”
“Have you seen Cassie? She wants to play with you, she’s so upset about Kon being at home with chicken pox.”
Tim frowned. Bart had caught it from Kon and now he had to stay home too. It seemed like all his friends were getting chicken pox.
“I’ll play with her later. Right now, I’m looking for Two-Face.”
“Huh?”
“Harvey Dent.”
“But he’s a boy! What would he be doing in the girl’s bathroom?”
“Fleeing JUSTICE!”
“Ooh, you sound so brave when you say it like that.” Megan paused. “Say, when you play with Cassie, can I come?”
“Uhh…”
“I know all my sisters are mean, but I’m not! That’s why I try to be extra-nice to everyone!”
Tim frowned. Megan just wanted to be friends! Maybe he should’ve been nicer to her. “Sure! Just let me catch Two-Face.”
Just then, Two-Face burst out of one of the stalls. He had a toilet plunger in hand and he held it up to Megan, who went “eek!”
“Don’t do it, Two-Face! That has germs on it!” Tim cried.
“You think I’m afraid of germs? Look at me! I’m dirty!”
Bruce walked in. “You don’t want to hurt the girl, Dent.”
“It’s not about what I want! It’s about what’s fair! We thought we could be diligent students in an indecent school! We were wrong. The world is cruel.” He took his penny out of his pocket. “And the only morality in a cruel world is chance. Unbiased. Unprejudiced. Fair. Megan has the same chance I had. Fifty-fifty.”
“What happened to you wasn’t chance!” Bruce argued desperately. “We decided to act! You, me, and Jim. We all prepared the book report on Richard Scarry's Busy, Busy Town. We all decided you should give the presentation.”
“THEN WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SUFFERED?”
“Because you were the best of us! No one else could’ve told the class about Huckle Cat in such detail. The Joker wanted to prove that even someone as good as you could fall!”
“And he was right.”
“You’re the one holding the plunger, Harvey. So point it at the people who were responsible.”
“Fair enough.” He gave Megan a shove and pointed the plunger at Bruce. “I just thought of a double meaning. Justice really is poop. It is today… and it was when I left the flaming bag of dog crap on Tim’s doorstep!”
Tim gasped. “My father stomped that out! It ruined his shoes!” He lunged forward, tackling Harvey to the ground. The plunger went flying. Bruce grabbed Megan and pulled her away from it. “His nice leather shoes!” Tim dragged Harvey to the sink.
“What’re you doing?”
“What I should’ve done yesterday! I’m going to wash that stuff off your face!”
“No, no!”
Tim reached for the hot water handle.
“Tim, wait!” Bruce said. “Don’t give in to your anger!”
“He ruined my father’s shoes!”
“So, you're willing to scald someone?”
”Long as it's Two-Face.”
”Then it will happen this way: You make the burn, but your pain doesn't die with Harvey, it grows. So you run out into the night to find another face, and another, and another, until one terrible morning you wake up and realize that revenge has become your whole life. And you won't know why.”
”You can't understand! Your family wasn't bullied!”
“Yes, they were. We're the same.”
Harvey stared at the hot water pouring out of the faucet, inches from his face. “The scales are tipped. The blindfold torn from the lady's eyes. Justice will be served. You're a man after my own heart, son. See you in heck!”
Tim turned the cold handle, making the water room temperature. He shoved Harvey under it, washing his face off. “I’d rather see you in detention!”
Harvey screamed that he was going to tell on Batman and Robin as they washed Harvey’s face off with soap and hot-but-not-too-hot water. Then they went home to watch cartoons with Megan. Alfred made them afterschool snacks.
Author's note: Is Two-Face the mysterious pie thief who made Barda cry and (DUN DUN DUN!!!) left a flaming bag of dog doodie on Darkseid's front step? Looks like we've got another mystery on our hands, gang.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-08-29 01:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-29 02:13 pm (UTC)“What happened to you wasn’t chance!” Bruce argued desperately. “We decided to act! You, me, and Jim. We all prepared the book report on Richard Scarry's Busy, Busy Town. We all decided you should give the presentation.”
“THEN WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SUFFERED?”
“Because you were the best of us! No one else could’ve told the class about Huckle Cat in such detail. The Joker wanted to prove that even someone as good as you could fall!”
“And he was right.”
“You’re the one holding the plunger, Harvey. So point it at the people who were responsible.”
okay, i DIED laughing. PRICELESS. bravo. a big glass of lmaonade for you.
isn't that issue the most delightful ever?
no subject
Date: 2008-08-29 03:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-29 03:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-29 04:03 pm (UTC)...
Dr. Light pulls down Sue Dibny's skirt. All the boys could see her underwear!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-29 04:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-29 04:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-29 05:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-29 05:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-29 06:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-29 10:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-30 12:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-31 08:12 am (UTC)Two-Face is a really scary bully. I hope the face-washing cured him!
no subject
Date: 2008-12-29 05:19 am (UTC)