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seriousficSo we start off with the Darkseid CGI seen at the end of the premiere splitting into dozens of crows (the fuck?). In a dingy-looking apartment, Gordon Godfrey is hosting an AM radio show. I would say it's a podcast, but that would imply that anyone who's writing this was born after 1967. You can tell he's a nogoodnik because he's anti-immigration, which makes it rather weird when he drops the "truth, justice, and the American Way" line. 1. Isn't Smallville past this anvil-dropping now that Clark is pretty much Superman? Are you really telling me that he got his catchphrase from some rinky-dinky ham radio operator? 2. So now it's not enough to just omit Superman's motto, you have to actively identify it with his enemies? Wow. Just… wow. Obama's been in the White House for years. I don't care how liberal you are, I think it's okay to have a good guy say he stands for the American Way. Why not just have Peter Parker be a carefree fratboy and give the "with great power comes great responsibility" line to the uptight dean who ends up having sex with a donkey? Then Petey could say "with great power comes awesome parties!" and do two chicks at once. Quick, I've got to pitch this to Joe Quesada!
Faster than you can say Don Imus, Godfrey is off the air when one of the crows turns into a cloud of black smoke which possesses him, turning his eyes totally black. Someone call the Winchesters! And tell them to call their lawyer!
Really now. It's Darkseid. The trademarks of the character are his glowing red eyes and craggy skin. Couldn't they find some way to approximate that? It would take only an iota of effort and it wouldn't turn the Fourth World canon into a rip-off of the show that airs directly after Smallville. I mean, Jesus, people.
Cut to present-day, where Godfrey has become J. Jonah Jameson. I'm guessing he's supposed to be taken as influential, but his rally has, at best, 20 people. You're telling me he didn't have that many followers before Great Darkseid, ruler of Apokolips, put his evil in him? Clark is in the crowd, covering the anti-vigilantism event (real impartial journalism there) when Lois shows up, so that whole Egypt thing sure was important, I tell ya.
Godfrey unveils a new anti-superhero billboard, which wastes no time in breaking loose of its moorings and nearly flattening the crowd before Kara shows up to catch it. The Godfrey supporters immediately applaud. Man, easy room.
Back at the Daily Planet, Lois is reclaiming her desk from the absent Cat Grant by shoving all her things into a wastebasket. Of course, last episode, Cat did the same thing to Lois's stuff and we were meant to see her as a hateful bitch, but it's cool when Lois does it because… boobs?
Lois and Clark talk about how stupid it is for Kara to be fighting crime in broad daylight, even though Clark's been on a kick lately about how he should be more open about his crimefighting. Always one step forward, two steps back with this guy. Clark finds Kara having a photoshoot done. Being Clark, he says four words about being happy to see her and a hundred words about how She's Doing It Wrong and should immediately start doing things his way. Kara one-ups him by revealing she's on a mission from Jor-El, and getting photographed for Maxim is totally an integral part of that, so there! No, she can't tell him what the mission is, because Jor-El's disowned Clark. He just didn't understand all those fishing trips with Lex…
So, why would Kara go along with Jor-El's dickishness anyway?
Meanwhile, in church (?), Lois ambushes Godfrey for an interview. He says that Lois isn't a journalist, she's a blind follower of superheroes. Which is totally… factual? He goes on to say that he knows Green Arrow's true identity, and will reveal it when the final chapter of his book is released online in the near future. Don't you just hate that, you pick up a book at Barnes & Noble, then it turns out you have to wait for the final chapters to be put online? No, you don't, because no one does that.
Things take a turn for the boring. Clark and Kara bicker until Kara agrees to teach him to fly. Clark spends five minutes trying, fails, then whines. Gee, with a can-do attitude like that, why wouldn't Jor-El trust him with the fate of the world? Seriously, does he have a learning disability or something?
An infodump reveals that "Darkseid" is a disease (the fuck?) that entered the world through the portal the Book of Rao opened, which seems like a pretty serious design flaw. Okay, can Clark do anything without unleashing an ancient evil? And Darkseid has to hitch a ride to conquer planets? It's amazing how they took everything that made him a worthy opponent for Superman and replaced it with… generic bullshit. I'm sorry, but if you want to use Darkseid, you gonna have to get your Jack Kirby on.
Although all will be forgiven if this ends with Darkseid possessing Lois's father, who is played by Michael Ironside.
Godfrey shares his plan for world domination with his agent, who goes along with it. I guess she also works for Dean Koontz. Then he goes to Club Desaad, which naturally looks like a Suicide Girls break-room. Lois dresses up as the Black Cat and orders some strippers around. Finally, some verisimilitude.
She seduces Godfrey and snaps some pictures of him having mildly kinky sex with willing partners. Yeah, that'll ruin him! Then, to Godfrey's great surprise, it turns out that the woman who sounds exactly like Lois Lane and who looks exactly like Lois Lane except for the 3% of her face covered by a lattice domino mask… is Lois Lane! Godfrey quickly busts out of his restrains and reveals his dark side (ho ho ho). And what is the first thing the God of Evil says? Why, he flirts with Lois. You know, Erica Durance is a very attractive woman, but I'm pretty sure Great Darkseid is more of a big picture kinda guy.
Clark and Kara track Lois down, and you know that blue top/red skirt combo Kara was in in all the promos? The one that actually looked like Supergirl's costume? Well, she only wore it for one scene. Why? It's a shirt and a skirt, not some weird Wonder Woman underwear. Is there any reason she can't look like Supergirl throughout the episode? Anyway, Clark confronts Godfrey/Darkseid… I guess the whole part of the character where he has a bunch of cool underlings to do his bidding is out, and now he personally has to torture guys and run propaganda campaigns and all that… who chides him about his anger issues. Wait a minute. In previous seasons, hasn't there been a lot of talk about how Clark's human emotions made him a better superhero? Now it turns out that he should've been Kryptonian all along? I mean, sure he has anger, but now he can't be a hero even if he doesn't act on that anger? WTF, show?
Anyway, Godfrey shoots some crows out of his chest which almost possess Clark, but since they wasted a bunch of time gabbing and being black smoke, Kara is able to interrupt and save the day. Well, that's it then. Third episode and the Big Bad got smacked around like a Democrat in a poll. Why should we be at all worried about this guy? He's no physical threat, the only danger is if he possesses Clark, and if that happens, 90% of the population has Kryptonite.
Kara gets Lois out of her overly complicated death-trap and they go outside to finally pass the Bechdel Test. Lois talks to Kara about whether superheroes ever need someone… you know, down there… and although the subtext of the scene is supposed to be Clark, it's Lois Lane, so it comes across as if Lois is propositioning Kara to… you know, as long as they're at an S&M club and one of them is dressed like a dominatrix…
Back at the Daily Planet, Lois shows Clark how she outed Godfrey as a deviant-sex-haver. Is he even married? Seriously, it's 2010. The big political scandal these days is someone saying they don't like masturbation. Also, considering that he did all those nasty things under the influence of Darkseid, is it really fair to ruin his life for that? It just doesn't seem very Superman-y to me.
Outside, Clark runs into Kara, now disguised with glasses and a brown wig. "That's an okay disguise, but it's no Matrix trenchcoat." Okay, is there any aspect of the Superman persona that Clark creates on his own, or is he just the Quentin Tarantino of superheroes?
But anyway, now Kara's secret is safe, so long as she didn't do anything like participate in some sort of much-photographed event. And now that Supergirl has shown up first in-universe, will Superman forever be known as "Supergirl's cousin"?
Oh, and apparently Kara's bracelet can deflect Darkseid, but she doesn't need it because she's pure of heart and so Darkseid can't possess her anyway? Something like that? So why not just give it to Clark? That way, neither of the nigh-omnipotent superheroes could be possessed. And why isn't anyone worried about Darkseid possessing Lana? She has Superman-level powers, right, and you can't tell me she doesn't have darkness in her. Bitch used a bear trap on a guy.
Clark and Kara part ways, whereupon Clark sees a passerby looking a graffiti of a crossed-out S-shield. "Makes you wonder whether costumed vigilantes are heroes at all," the passersby remarks. No. Not really. I could buy this as being effective if Godfrey had been allowed to make valid points, but all he did was talk about how uggo the superheroes must be if they wouldn't show their faces. Even the Tea Party doesn't go after Obama because he has big ears.
Meanwhile, Ollie has a talk with Lois, which concludes with him revealing he's the Green Arrow to a bunch of reporters. Gee, don't give your good friend Lois the scoop or anything. And how is it Green Arrow won't be immediately arrested? He is still an outlaw, right? Plus, I guess all his friends and family can go screw the next time some crimelord gets pissed at him. Nice knowing ya, Mia.
So, aside from the parts of this episode where Lois and Kara eyefucked, this sucked. By making the last season about Zod and the Kandorians, they completely screwed the pooch because now they can't have Darkseid and his minions infiltrating Earth. But that's still no excuse for making Darkseid's objective be possessing Superman, which was Zod's old goal. If Darkseid succeeds, then there'll be one evil Kryptonian running around. Last season, we had an army of evil Kryptonians. The stakes have actually gone down.
What's wrong with Darkseid trying to get the Anti-Life Equation? It's simple, it's classy, it's got great stakes – if he wins, the entire universe gets bent over. Plus, it's actually in the comics. Could someone please tell me what Dustbunnyseid has to do with Jack Kirby's vision? Anyone?
You see, on a really basic level, Darkseid is popular as a Superman enemy because he's the one guy who's stronger than Superman, so Supes has to really pull out all the stops to beat him, or even fight him to a standstill. When they square off, shit gets real. Now, there are other reasons to like the character, but it's like how female comic book characters are popular because they dress like Vegas showgirls without a sense of shame.
She has a great personality!
So why would you fuck with that? It's like putting pants on Psylocke, making her from Mississippi, then giving her the power of imagination. What's the point?
Faster than you can say Don Imus, Godfrey is off the air when one of the crows turns into a cloud of black smoke which possesses him, turning his eyes totally black. Someone call the Winchesters! And tell them to call their lawyer!
Really now. It's Darkseid. The trademarks of the character are his glowing red eyes and craggy skin. Couldn't they find some way to approximate that? It would take only an iota of effort and it wouldn't turn the Fourth World canon into a rip-off of the show that airs directly after Smallville. I mean, Jesus, people.
Cut to present-day, where Godfrey has become J. Jonah Jameson. I'm guessing he's supposed to be taken as influential, but his rally has, at best, 20 people. You're telling me he didn't have that many followers before Great Darkseid, ruler of Apokolips, put his evil in him? Clark is in the crowd, covering the anti-vigilantism event (real impartial journalism there) when Lois shows up, so that whole Egypt thing sure was important, I tell ya.
Godfrey unveils a new anti-superhero billboard, which wastes no time in breaking loose of its moorings and nearly flattening the crowd before Kara shows up to catch it. The Godfrey supporters immediately applaud. Man, easy room.
Back at the Daily Planet, Lois is reclaiming her desk from the absent Cat Grant by shoving all her things into a wastebasket. Of course, last episode, Cat did the same thing to Lois's stuff and we were meant to see her as a hateful bitch, but it's cool when Lois does it because… boobs?
Lois and Clark talk about how stupid it is for Kara to be fighting crime in broad daylight, even though Clark's been on a kick lately about how he should be more open about his crimefighting. Always one step forward, two steps back with this guy. Clark finds Kara having a photoshoot done. Being Clark, he says four words about being happy to see her and a hundred words about how She's Doing It Wrong and should immediately start doing things his way. Kara one-ups him by revealing she's on a mission from Jor-El, and getting photographed for Maxim is totally an integral part of that, so there! No, she can't tell him what the mission is, because Jor-El's disowned Clark. He just didn't understand all those fishing trips with Lex…
So, why would Kara go along with Jor-El's dickishness anyway?
Meanwhile, in church (?), Lois ambushes Godfrey for an interview. He says that Lois isn't a journalist, she's a blind follower of superheroes. Which is totally… factual? He goes on to say that he knows Green Arrow's true identity, and will reveal it when the final chapter of his book is released online in the near future. Don't you just hate that, you pick up a book at Barnes & Noble, then it turns out you have to wait for the final chapters to be put online? No, you don't, because no one does that.
Things take a turn for the boring. Clark and Kara bicker until Kara agrees to teach him to fly. Clark spends five minutes trying, fails, then whines. Gee, with a can-do attitude like that, why wouldn't Jor-El trust him with the fate of the world? Seriously, does he have a learning disability or something?
An infodump reveals that "Darkseid" is a disease (the fuck?) that entered the world through the portal the Book of Rao opened, which seems like a pretty serious design flaw. Okay, can Clark do anything without unleashing an ancient evil? And Darkseid has to hitch a ride to conquer planets? It's amazing how they took everything that made him a worthy opponent for Superman and replaced it with… generic bullshit. I'm sorry, but if you want to use Darkseid, you gonna have to get your Jack Kirby on.
Although all will be forgiven if this ends with Darkseid possessing Lois's father, who is played by Michael Ironside.
Godfrey shares his plan for world domination with his agent, who goes along with it. I guess she also works for Dean Koontz. Then he goes to Club Desaad, which naturally looks like a Suicide Girls break-room. Lois dresses up as the Black Cat and orders some strippers around. Finally, some verisimilitude.
She seduces Godfrey and snaps some pictures of him having mildly kinky sex with willing partners. Yeah, that'll ruin him! Then, to Godfrey's great surprise, it turns out that the woman who sounds exactly like Lois Lane and who looks exactly like Lois Lane except for the 3% of her face covered by a lattice domino mask… is Lois Lane! Godfrey quickly busts out of his restrains and reveals his dark side (ho ho ho). And what is the first thing the God of Evil says? Why, he flirts with Lois. You know, Erica Durance is a very attractive woman, but I'm pretty sure Great Darkseid is more of a big picture kinda guy.
Clark and Kara track Lois down, and you know that blue top/red skirt combo Kara was in in all the promos? The one that actually looked like Supergirl's costume? Well, she only wore it for one scene. Why? It's a shirt and a skirt, not some weird Wonder Woman underwear. Is there any reason she can't look like Supergirl throughout the episode? Anyway, Clark confronts Godfrey/Darkseid… I guess the whole part of the character where he has a bunch of cool underlings to do his bidding is out, and now he personally has to torture guys and run propaganda campaigns and all that… who chides him about his anger issues. Wait a minute. In previous seasons, hasn't there been a lot of talk about how Clark's human emotions made him a better superhero? Now it turns out that he should've been Kryptonian all along? I mean, sure he has anger, but now he can't be a hero even if he doesn't act on that anger? WTF, show?
Anyway, Godfrey shoots some crows out of his chest which almost possess Clark, but since they wasted a bunch of time gabbing and being black smoke, Kara is able to interrupt and save the day. Well, that's it then. Third episode and the Big Bad got smacked around like a Democrat in a poll. Why should we be at all worried about this guy? He's no physical threat, the only danger is if he possesses Clark, and if that happens, 90% of the population has Kryptonite.
Kara gets Lois out of her overly complicated death-trap and they go outside to finally pass the Bechdel Test. Lois talks to Kara about whether superheroes ever need someone… you know, down there… and although the subtext of the scene is supposed to be Clark, it's Lois Lane, so it comes across as if Lois is propositioning Kara to… you know, as long as they're at an S&M club and one of them is dressed like a dominatrix…
Back at the Daily Planet, Lois shows Clark how she outed Godfrey as a deviant-sex-haver. Is he even married? Seriously, it's 2010. The big political scandal these days is someone saying they don't like masturbation. Also, considering that he did all those nasty things under the influence of Darkseid, is it really fair to ruin his life for that? It just doesn't seem very Superman-y to me.
Outside, Clark runs into Kara, now disguised with glasses and a brown wig. "That's an okay disguise, but it's no Matrix trenchcoat." Okay, is there any aspect of the Superman persona that Clark creates on his own, or is he just the Quentin Tarantino of superheroes?
But anyway, now Kara's secret is safe, so long as she didn't do anything like participate in some sort of much-photographed event. And now that Supergirl has shown up first in-universe, will Superman forever be known as "Supergirl's cousin"?
Oh, and apparently Kara's bracelet can deflect Darkseid, but she doesn't need it because she's pure of heart and so Darkseid can't possess her anyway? Something like that? So why not just give it to Clark? That way, neither of the nigh-omnipotent superheroes could be possessed. And why isn't anyone worried about Darkseid possessing Lana? She has Superman-level powers, right, and you can't tell me she doesn't have darkness in her. Bitch used a bear trap on a guy.
Clark and Kara part ways, whereupon Clark sees a passerby looking a graffiti of a crossed-out S-shield. "Makes you wonder whether costumed vigilantes are heroes at all," the passersby remarks. No. Not really. I could buy this as being effective if Godfrey had been allowed to make valid points, but all he did was talk about how uggo the superheroes must be if they wouldn't show their faces. Even the Tea Party doesn't go after Obama because he has big ears.
Meanwhile, Ollie has a talk with Lois, which concludes with him revealing he's the Green Arrow to a bunch of reporters. Gee, don't give your good friend Lois the scoop or anything. And how is it Green Arrow won't be immediately arrested? He is still an outlaw, right? Plus, I guess all his friends and family can go screw the next time some crimelord gets pissed at him. Nice knowing ya, Mia.
So, aside from the parts of this episode where Lois and Kara eyefucked, this sucked. By making the last season about Zod and the Kandorians, they completely screwed the pooch because now they can't have Darkseid and his minions infiltrating Earth. But that's still no excuse for making Darkseid's objective be possessing Superman, which was Zod's old goal. If Darkseid succeeds, then there'll be one evil Kryptonian running around. Last season, we had an army of evil Kryptonians. The stakes have actually gone down.
What's wrong with Darkseid trying to get the Anti-Life Equation? It's simple, it's classy, it's got great stakes – if he wins, the entire universe gets bent over. Plus, it's actually in the comics. Could someone please tell me what Dustbunnyseid has to do with Jack Kirby's vision? Anyone?
You see, on a really basic level, Darkseid is popular as a Superman enemy because he's the one guy who's stronger than Superman, so Supes has to really pull out all the stops to beat him, or even fight him to a standstill. When they square off, shit gets real. Now, there are other reasons to like the character, but it's like how female comic book characters are popular because they dress like Vegas showgirls without a sense of shame.
She has a great personality!
So why would you fuck with that? It's like putting pants on Psylocke, making her from Mississippi, then giving her the power of imagination. What's the point?
