Epic shit: Done
May. 23rd, 2010 10:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seriousficTears is appropriately named. If only they were all happy tears...
Okay, let's start with the elephant in the corner. Yes, it does suck what they did with Dahlia. It isn't a total deus ex machina, since I buy magic could work like that. Which only leaves the fact of it failing on a storytelling and characterization level.
Not only does it sink the Cara/Dahlia ship worse than DAHLIA DYING, it also makes the last two episodes completely irrelevant. It would've been better if Cara had been faking being broken, as then we would've gotten a quick CMoA for Cara and then been able to pick up from there. But no, it was all a complete waste of time.
Now, here's what I would've done. Cara is broken, steals the Stone of Tears, meets up with Dahlia and they kiss. They go to deliver it to Darken Rahl with Richard and Kahlan hot on their trails. Cara is ever-so-slightly conflicted, so she gets the idea to ambush Richard and Kahlan instead of going to Rahl straight away, and Dahlia goes along with it because Cara is her boo.
Seeker scuffle! Richard kills Dahlia, and in her rage Cara manages to knock him out. Now it's just Cara and Kahlan. Kahlan has a shot, but she hesitates because it's Cara, so Cara takes the upper hand. She's killing Kahlan with her Agiel when suddenly she flashbacks to all their time together over the season. That's enough to make her stop and snap out of it.
I know it's a cliché, but at least it's a lot more fun a cliché than dead lesbians.
Speaking of which, Cara revives Dahlia (Richard and Kahlan understand), but not before binding her hands.
DAHLIA: Sister, please. Lord Rahl won't show you mercy this time.
CARA: Tell him the feeling's mutual.
Richard and the Seekerettes go off as in Tears, but here with the added twist that when Rahl orders his Mord'Sith to help the Seeker, Dahlia is one of them. So when the Mord'Sith team up with Cara and Zedd, we get a few character scenes of Dahlia and Cara: Frenemies. As well as a scene where Dahlia takes notice of how Cara is cared for and respected by her friends, and she loves them in turn.
They go to that village, try to save Kahlan. When Kahlan Confesses the Mord'Sith and tells them to kill each other, Cara breaks cover and knocks Dahlia out before she can. Moving on, Kahlan kills Richard, comes out of the Con Dar, then is so stricken with grief that she kills herself. Cliffhanger of her and Richard together in the underworld.
RICHARD: You could've gone back to where we found the Stone of Tears, you would've been safe there while the world went to hell.
KAHLAN: The only hell I can't survive is not being with you.
Or something cheesy like that. More importantly, her death frees Dahlia from Confession… just in time for her to meet up with Rahl and an army coming up the path. See, when Nicci revealed that the Stone of Tears could make someone immortal, Rahl was verrry interested.
Part 2! Cara gives Richard and Kahlan the Breath of Life, and Kahlan cries happy tears as she kisses Richard, which form a new Stone of Tears. Zedd has some exposition about the magic of love which the Creator endows us all with, and only by springing from the discipline of a Confessor and the rage of a Seeker could it form a Stone of Tears, yadda yadda, something profound sounding.
RICHARD: Less talk, more running!
They save the world, but now they've got new problems. Rahl is laying siege to their shit because he has a plan to use the Stone of Tears to take over the world. We get some fighting, Richard and Rahl square off, Dahlia finally betrays the guy and sides with Cara, SPOILER! The good guys win. Then we spend the next however many minutes on our guys' happily ever after. You know, like the award ceremony at the end of Star Wars, only with a wedding. Cara and Dahlia stand off to the side, all eye-fucking, Richard is crowned Lord Rahl and gives a speech about peace and prosperity,Jagang is massing an army oh look we're out of time.
Obviously, that's all taking into account that it'd be a series finale instead of a season finale, but still.
But at least in canon, Cara/Dahlia is an easy fix. We know fate has a way of bringing couples back together, so if it can spring for Cara/Leo, surely it can have Cara stop off at a store Dahlia is running. Or Zedd could tell Cara how there was someone who made her happyto judge by all the moaning that woke him up in the middle of the night. He could even cast a spell to give her her memories back. Or maybe he could forge a letter from Cara telling Dahlia to meet her at the Waterfalls of Romance, and then a letter to Cara from Dahlia saying to meet her at the Waterfalls of Romance.
CARA: Did you know thousands of people died here, turning the water red?
DAHLIA: Take me now!
But as for the other epic shit, EPIC SHIT IS EPIC. Oh, show, you can BRING IT. And I love Cara's little head-tilt when Richard and Kahlan are kissing (spoiler!). I think I'll miss you most of all, Scarecrow.
Okay, let's start with the elephant in the corner. Yes, it does suck what they did with Dahlia. It isn't a total deus ex machina, since I buy magic could work like that. Which only leaves the fact of it failing on a storytelling and characterization level.
Not only does it sink the Cara/Dahlia ship worse than DAHLIA DYING, it also makes the last two episodes completely irrelevant. It would've been better if Cara had been faking being broken, as then we would've gotten a quick CMoA for Cara and then been able to pick up from there. But no, it was all a complete waste of time.
Now, here's what I would've done. Cara is broken, steals the Stone of Tears, meets up with Dahlia and they kiss. They go to deliver it to Darken Rahl with Richard and Kahlan hot on their trails. Cara is ever-so-slightly conflicted, so she gets the idea to ambush Richard and Kahlan instead of going to Rahl straight away, and Dahlia goes along with it because Cara is her boo.
Seeker scuffle! Richard kills Dahlia, and in her rage Cara manages to knock him out. Now it's just Cara and Kahlan. Kahlan has a shot, but she hesitates because it's Cara, so Cara takes the upper hand. She's killing Kahlan with her Agiel when suddenly she flashbacks to all their time together over the season. That's enough to make her stop and snap out of it.
I know it's a cliché, but at least it's a lot more fun a cliché than dead lesbians.
Speaking of which, Cara revives Dahlia (Richard and Kahlan understand), but not before binding her hands.
DAHLIA: Sister, please. Lord Rahl won't show you mercy this time.
CARA: Tell him the feeling's mutual.
Richard and the Seekerettes go off as in Tears, but here with the added twist that when Rahl orders his Mord'Sith to help the Seeker, Dahlia is one of them. So when the Mord'Sith team up with Cara and Zedd, we get a few character scenes of Dahlia and Cara: Frenemies. As well as a scene where Dahlia takes notice of how Cara is cared for and respected by her friends, and she loves them in turn.
They go to that village, try to save Kahlan. When Kahlan Confesses the Mord'Sith and tells them to kill each other, Cara breaks cover and knocks Dahlia out before she can. Moving on, Kahlan kills Richard, comes out of the Con Dar, then is so stricken with grief that she kills herself. Cliffhanger of her and Richard together in the underworld.
RICHARD: You could've gone back to where we found the Stone of Tears, you would've been safe there while the world went to hell.
KAHLAN: The only hell I can't survive is not being with you.
Or something cheesy like that. More importantly, her death frees Dahlia from Confession… just in time for her to meet up with Rahl and an army coming up the path. See, when Nicci revealed that the Stone of Tears could make someone immortal, Rahl was verrry interested.
Part 2! Cara gives Richard and Kahlan the Breath of Life, and Kahlan cries happy tears as she kisses Richard, which form a new Stone of Tears. Zedd has some exposition about the magic of love which the Creator endows us all with, and only by springing from the discipline of a Confessor and the rage of a Seeker could it form a Stone of Tears, yadda yadda, something profound sounding.
RICHARD: Less talk, more running!
They save the world, but now they've got new problems. Rahl is laying siege to their shit because he has a plan to use the Stone of Tears to take over the world. We get some fighting, Richard and Rahl square off, Dahlia finally betrays the guy and sides with Cara, SPOILER! The good guys win. Then we spend the next however many minutes on our guys' happily ever after. You know, like the award ceremony at the end of Star Wars, only with a wedding. Cara and Dahlia stand off to the side, all eye-fucking, Richard is crowned Lord Rahl and gives a speech about peace and prosperity,
Obviously, that's all taking into account that it'd be a series finale instead of a season finale, but still.
But at least in canon, Cara/Dahlia is an easy fix. We know fate has a way of bringing couples back together, so if it can spring for Cara/Leo, surely it can have Cara stop off at a store Dahlia is running. Or Zedd could tell Cara how there was someone who made her happy
CARA: Did you know thousands of people died here, turning the water red?
DAHLIA: Take me now!
But as for the other epic shit, EPIC SHIT IS EPIC. Oh, show, you can BRING IT. And I love Cara's little head-tilt when Richard and Kahlan are kissing (spoiler!). I think I'll miss you most of all, Scarecrow.
