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seriousficTitle: Where To Find Intimacy If You Don’t Have A Map
Fandom: Legend of the Seeker
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,672
Characters/Pairings: Richard/Kahlan
Author’s notes: Takes place after 2x04 - Touched.
Summary: Just because they can’t touch doesn’t mean they can’t be together.
Kahlan stopped herself from running a hand down her horse’s mane. Her mind usually didn’t wander when she rode—she thought of her mission, the next town, the events of the last day—but for a moment, she’d been back in that forest, running her hand through Richard’s hair as he…
Bothersome. It was very bothersome how she couldn’t seem to lock that experience into her memory like a verdict handed down and rendered. It kept appealing and protesting and forcing its way to the forefront of her mind. Next time it happened (and there would not be a next time, thank the Spirits… or curse them) she would either go through with it entirely or not even begin. These half-measures would drive the sanity from her.
She heard hooves at a gallop, bringing Richard next to her. “Kahlan, could I have a word? Alone?”
She bit her lip. In times past, she’d loved when they’d drawn away to be alone as they talked for hours about the history of the Midlands, their pasts, even the scenery they were passing through. Now, all she could feel was dread at having to tiptoe around what had happened, or worse, confront it head on.
Kahlan looked back at Zedd and Cara. “We’ll ride ahead.”
Cara automatically prepared to follow with them, but Zedd gestured for her to hang back with him. She set her lips in a half-pout as Richard and Kahlan put a league behind them, becoming dolls on the horizon.
Kahlan set her face in stone. She’d done harder things than this. She could talk to Richard, even if her heart felt like it was trying to escape from her rib cage. “What’s the trouble, Richard?”
“Nothing.” He paused, lips a thin pale line. “Everything.”
“Could you be more specific?” Kahlan joked, drawing a tiny smile from him.
“Us.”
Kahlan looked away. Her heart had been trying to escape, now it felt like it was succeeding, climbing up into her throat and making for her mouth. “I don’t think there’s a problem between us. Nothing really happened, so how can there be a problem? It’s in the past, how can it be a problem?” She was repeating herself. She never repeated herself. It’d been three days, she’d have thought one of them would have come up with a way around this, or at least something else to talk about, in all that time. Where was a baneling when you really needed one?
Richard was staring at her, looking very much like he still had a problem, or maybe like he was looking right at it. She looked back at him, trying with all her might to divine what it was that could weigh on him that hard, but not able to read anything from him. For a moment, she had a nightmarish thought of him saying that it was too hard for him to be with her and that she should go to Aydrindal. And all she could protest with would be useless feelings and emotions and words that a lifetime as a Confessor hadn’t prepared her to use, not at all.
“I love you,” he said, a simple statement, then more vehemently, words like a blow crashing against her ears. “I love you.”
There was this flighty sensation she got every time it looked like they could be together, one she inevitably had to crush, and she had come to hate that groundless feeling as much as she loved it. She got it now.
Kahlan very nearly fell off her horse, but Richard grabbed her reins at the last moment and kept their course steady.
“That isn’t quite the reaction I was hoping for,” Richard said, his weak smile strained to the limit.
Kahlan took a deep breath and gathered herself as if she were about to hold judgment. “No, Richard, that’s not it at all. You know exactly how I feel. But it’s easier if we let it lie.” There were old arguments, reasons she had gone over in the middle of the night when she couldn’t sleep and couldn’t even look at him, full of important words like duty and freedom. None of them came when she needed them.
“It’s not easier for me,” Richard admitted in a small, dry voice. “And I don’t think it is for you either.”
He was still holding onto her reins, his hand white-knuckled on the leather. She rubbed the back of it, feeling the scars along the knuckles. He hadn’t had those before he’d met her. All Kahlan could think was that she didn’t want to ruin his life more, to sacrifice any more of him for the greater good. But which would hurt more, growing closer to him or more distant?
She didn’t know anymore. But he was looking at her like she was the most important thing in the world, full of concern and warmth and love, damnit, love, and she was so tired of this deception. There’d been so many at first, cloaking her nature, his nature, Zedd’s and Rahl’s and everything else, and each one that’d been stripped away had brought them closer together. She didn’t want to back away from that.
“It isn’t,” she breathed, and though he didn’t smile, his eyes lit up as boyishly as the day they’d met. “But what would you have me do about it? Use Quillion’s magic and deprive this generation and every other of a Confessor’s guidance? Or confess you and destroy everything about you that I love? Or, or…”
He pulled his horse to a halt and dismounted, then helped her from her stead with clammy hands. His arms were around her before she knew it, guiding her over into the shadow of a tree. “Kahlan, I would never ask anything of you that you didn’t want to give. But…” He stopped, the arms he had against her conveying more than he could. But he still tried. “Soldiers go off to war and leave their sweethearts behind. Husbands get the pox and have to be separated from the family. If they can’t touch each other, does the love they bear go away? There are things we can’t have, I know that, but what we can have… we can have words, we can have each other, that’s enough, no, that’s more than enough! All I’m asking is that we be together.”
“You make it sound so beautiful.”
“Isn’t it?”
She blinked and was back there, in the forest, being teased with what she couldn’t have. It was like a font of water just out of reach, just shy of quenching her thirst. But maybe he was right. Maybe it would make a difference just being able to have a sip instead of draining the cup dry. Their lives had denied them so much. Why should they deny themselves this?
Why should she deny herself the look on his face when she said “I do love you.”
He beamed, a short chuckle huffing its way from his throat, then twitching away as his smile widened. Like he couldn’t believe his luck.
“I’ve loved you for so long,” she continued breathlessly, like now that the words had started, they’d seized control of her. “I’ve wanted to tell you so much, I’ve needed—“
He kissed her before she could get any further, but there was nothing else to say. That was exactly what she’d needed, all her life.
***
It didn’t make things any less awkward. They had to assure Zedd and Cara that nothing was wrong, and Cara was especially persistent, and honestly Kahlan was a bit grateful when they stopped riding and the business of making camp took up their time.
Then she brought back a load of firewood to find he’d already constructed a spit and set a wild boar on it, and it struck her. He was hers. He loved her. The thought made her feel girlish, giddy. Impulsively, she put a hand on his broad shoulder after she’d dumped the firewood. She felt him shuddering as she kneaded his flesh under her fingers.
“Kahlan…” He could only groan. “I have to start the fire.”
“Yes.” She felt more than girlish. She felt seductive and primal and erotic. She kissed him until she felt the first rattle of her control, then she broke off. Zedd was returning anyway. Cara had apparently been watching from a distance away. Kahlan shot her a fierce scowl and Cara smiled condescendingly. Kahlan wondered how Cara would deal with such a threat to Richard, then giggled when she pictured Cara trading tips with her on how to please “the Lord Rahl”. That made Cara leave in a huff.
That night, in the dark of the dead fire, she felt Richard draw near, then callused fingers at her arm. His head settled against the mound of dirt she’d covered with sheepskin, pressing down on her hair. His fingers went lower until they intertwined with hers.
“Richard, are you…” She couldn’t tell if she was excited or fearful. She’d told him that there was a possibility, of things they could do if her control was firm enough, but then he’d kissed her and just that was enough for her magic to swim dangerously close to the surface.
“No, I… that’d be a bit much. And besides, Zedd’s right there.”
And Cara, Kahlan mentally added.
“I just want you to be the first thing I wake up to in the morning.”
She smiled, though he couldn’t see it in the darkness. “You’re sweeter than I thought you’d be. But if I’m sleeping, I can’t control the magic. That’s why you can’t wake me with a touch. If I’m not in control, even for a moment.”
“Okay, point taken.” He backed off, and she felt cold as ice. “But what if…” She felt herself being wrapped in her own blanket, then Richard wrapped himself around her as well. He pulled his own blanket over the both of them. “That work?”
It was warm. Gloriously warm. “Yes. That works.”
Fandom: Legend of the Seeker
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,672
Characters/Pairings: Richard/Kahlan
Author’s notes: Takes place after 2x04 - Touched.
Summary: Just because they can’t touch doesn’t mean they can’t be together.
Kahlan stopped herself from running a hand down her horse’s mane. Her mind usually didn’t wander when she rode—she thought of her mission, the next town, the events of the last day—but for a moment, she’d been back in that forest, running her hand through Richard’s hair as he…
Bothersome. It was very bothersome how she couldn’t seem to lock that experience into her memory like a verdict handed down and rendered. It kept appealing and protesting and forcing its way to the forefront of her mind. Next time it happened (and there would not be a next time, thank the Spirits… or curse them) she would either go through with it entirely or not even begin. These half-measures would drive the sanity from her.
She heard hooves at a gallop, bringing Richard next to her. “Kahlan, could I have a word? Alone?”
She bit her lip. In times past, she’d loved when they’d drawn away to be alone as they talked for hours about the history of the Midlands, their pasts, even the scenery they were passing through. Now, all she could feel was dread at having to tiptoe around what had happened, or worse, confront it head on.
Kahlan looked back at Zedd and Cara. “We’ll ride ahead.”
Cara automatically prepared to follow with them, but Zedd gestured for her to hang back with him. She set her lips in a half-pout as Richard and Kahlan put a league behind them, becoming dolls on the horizon.
Kahlan set her face in stone. She’d done harder things than this. She could talk to Richard, even if her heart felt like it was trying to escape from her rib cage. “What’s the trouble, Richard?”
“Nothing.” He paused, lips a thin pale line. “Everything.”
“Could you be more specific?” Kahlan joked, drawing a tiny smile from him.
“Us.”
Kahlan looked away. Her heart had been trying to escape, now it felt like it was succeeding, climbing up into her throat and making for her mouth. “I don’t think there’s a problem between us. Nothing really happened, so how can there be a problem? It’s in the past, how can it be a problem?” She was repeating herself. She never repeated herself. It’d been three days, she’d have thought one of them would have come up with a way around this, or at least something else to talk about, in all that time. Where was a baneling when you really needed one?
Richard was staring at her, looking very much like he still had a problem, or maybe like he was looking right at it. She looked back at him, trying with all her might to divine what it was that could weigh on him that hard, but not able to read anything from him. For a moment, she had a nightmarish thought of him saying that it was too hard for him to be with her and that she should go to Aydrindal. And all she could protest with would be useless feelings and emotions and words that a lifetime as a Confessor hadn’t prepared her to use, not at all.
“I love you,” he said, a simple statement, then more vehemently, words like a blow crashing against her ears. “I love you.”
There was this flighty sensation she got every time it looked like they could be together, one she inevitably had to crush, and she had come to hate that groundless feeling as much as she loved it. She got it now.
Kahlan very nearly fell off her horse, but Richard grabbed her reins at the last moment and kept their course steady.
“That isn’t quite the reaction I was hoping for,” Richard said, his weak smile strained to the limit.
Kahlan took a deep breath and gathered herself as if she were about to hold judgment. “No, Richard, that’s not it at all. You know exactly how I feel. But it’s easier if we let it lie.” There were old arguments, reasons she had gone over in the middle of the night when she couldn’t sleep and couldn’t even look at him, full of important words like duty and freedom. None of them came when she needed them.
“It’s not easier for me,” Richard admitted in a small, dry voice. “And I don’t think it is for you either.”
He was still holding onto her reins, his hand white-knuckled on the leather. She rubbed the back of it, feeling the scars along the knuckles. He hadn’t had those before he’d met her. All Kahlan could think was that she didn’t want to ruin his life more, to sacrifice any more of him for the greater good. But which would hurt more, growing closer to him or more distant?
She didn’t know anymore. But he was looking at her like she was the most important thing in the world, full of concern and warmth and love, damnit, love, and she was so tired of this deception. There’d been so many at first, cloaking her nature, his nature, Zedd’s and Rahl’s and everything else, and each one that’d been stripped away had brought them closer together. She didn’t want to back away from that.
“It isn’t,” she breathed, and though he didn’t smile, his eyes lit up as boyishly as the day they’d met. “But what would you have me do about it? Use Quillion’s magic and deprive this generation and every other of a Confessor’s guidance? Or confess you and destroy everything about you that I love? Or, or…”
He pulled his horse to a halt and dismounted, then helped her from her stead with clammy hands. His arms were around her before she knew it, guiding her over into the shadow of a tree. “Kahlan, I would never ask anything of you that you didn’t want to give. But…” He stopped, the arms he had against her conveying more than he could. But he still tried. “Soldiers go off to war and leave their sweethearts behind. Husbands get the pox and have to be separated from the family. If they can’t touch each other, does the love they bear go away? There are things we can’t have, I know that, but what we can have… we can have words, we can have each other, that’s enough, no, that’s more than enough! All I’m asking is that we be together.”
“You make it sound so beautiful.”
“Isn’t it?”
She blinked and was back there, in the forest, being teased with what she couldn’t have. It was like a font of water just out of reach, just shy of quenching her thirst. But maybe he was right. Maybe it would make a difference just being able to have a sip instead of draining the cup dry. Their lives had denied them so much. Why should they deny themselves this?
Why should she deny herself the look on his face when she said “I do love you.”
He beamed, a short chuckle huffing its way from his throat, then twitching away as his smile widened. Like he couldn’t believe his luck.
“I’ve loved you for so long,” she continued breathlessly, like now that the words had started, they’d seized control of her. “I’ve wanted to tell you so much, I’ve needed—“
He kissed her before she could get any further, but there was nothing else to say. That was exactly what she’d needed, all her life.
***
It didn’t make things any less awkward. They had to assure Zedd and Cara that nothing was wrong, and Cara was especially persistent, and honestly Kahlan was a bit grateful when they stopped riding and the business of making camp took up their time.
Then she brought back a load of firewood to find he’d already constructed a spit and set a wild boar on it, and it struck her. He was hers. He loved her. The thought made her feel girlish, giddy. Impulsively, she put a hand on his broad shoulder after she’d dumped the firewood. She felt him shuddering as she kneaded his flesh under her fingers.
“Kahlan…” He could only groan. “I have to start the fire.”
“Yes.” She felt more than girlish. She felt seductive and primal and erotic. She kissed him until she felt the first rattle of her control, then she broke off. Zedd was returning anyway. Cara had apparently been watching from a distance away. Kahlan shot her a fierce scowl and Cara smiled condescendingly. Kahlan wondered how Cara would deal with such a threat to Richard, then giggled when she pictured Cara trading tips with her on how to please “the Lord Rahl”. That made Cara leave in a huff.
That night, in the dark of the dead fire, she felt Richard draw near, then callused fingers at her arm. His head settled against the mound of dirt she’d covered with sheepskin, pressing down on her hair. His fingers went lower until they intertwined with hers.
“Richard, are you…” She couldn’t tell if she was excited or fearful. She’d told him that there was a possibility, of things they could do if her control was firm enough, but then he’d kissed her and just that was enough for her magic to swim dangerously close to the surface.
“No, I… that’d be a bit much. And besides, Zedd’s right there.”
And Cara, Kahlan mentally added.
“I just want you to be the first thing I wake up to in the morning.”
She smiled, though he couldn’t see it in the darkness. “You’re sweeter than I thought you’d be. But if I’m sleeping, I can’t control the magic. That’s why you can’t wake me with a touch. If I’m not in control, even for a moment.”
“Okay, point taken.” He backed off, and she felt cold as ice. “But what if…” She felt herself being wrapped in her own blanket, then Richard wrapped himself around her as well. He pulled his own blanket over the both of them. “That work?”
It was warm. Gloriously warm. “Yes. That works.”
