She-Hulk & Isles

For those of you who are not awesome, allow me to explain. Angie Harmon has stated she wants to play She-Hulk in the Avengers 2, and tweeted a photo of herself in Shulkie mode. Quote: ”I would rock that like there is no tomorrow. I would kill that outfit. I’d put these 36Cs on display. Boom!” she said. “And what about her libido? That’s my favorite part. She-Hulk, bed! She-Hulk, screw! Can you imagine? Then she just picks him up and throws him around the room like the Hulk did with the bad guy. [Makes smashing noises.] But apparently, she’s normal size.”

Now, aside from her obviously plagiarizing from a Rizzoli/Isles fic I wrote a while back and never showed anyone, the idea of Jennifer Walters being withdrawn in her “normal form” and more sexually adventurous as She-Hulk is actual comics canon. And not one of those cringe-worthy things either, but an aspect of Dan Slott’s celebrated run on the title (albeit admittedly one that not-crazy-mostly fans I know have criticized for unfortunate implications). Of course, there’s only so far you can push that in the kid-friendly Marvel Cinematic Universe, but if Tony Stark can get away with all the wink wink, nudge nudge he does, I’m sure we can let the green-skinned space babe make at least one comment on how Hawkeye is working that leather.


Helpfully, Harmon is actually really funny.

Although, I’m not sure how exactly the character of She-Hulk herself would work in visual presentation, although it helps that Harmon herself is very tall for a woman. You could just Avatar Harmon up to an eight-foot-tall Glamazon like they do for Mark Ruffalo, but that is crazy expensive and unlike Bruce Banner, Jen spends most of her time as She-Hulk (at least going by Slott characterization). You could also get Harmon to bulk up, give her some make-up, maybe use some camera tricks to make her a giant (or digitally shrink her as Jen, or just dress her in baggy clothes and photograph her in a shortening way), but would it track with audiences that She-Hulk is a real person painted green while the Hulk is CGI?

Really, this is a case of Marvel’s strategy of introducing a B-list character within an A-lister’s movie could work out great. I actually don’t see much point to doing another Hulk movie without using it as a vehicle for She-Hulk. A solo She-Hulk movie, might be a hard sell, just because of the spin-off nature. Plus, She-Hulk works best in a kooky, light-hearted context. Which is great for her being the comic relief in an Avengers ensemble, but an entire movie of it? Might seem too fluffy. Plus, I worry that Hollywood will take the very in-jokey nature of Slott’s comics and turn them into “I have a big case as a lawyer and I keep Hulking out!” You know, the Tim Allen version of the story.

But, Hulk 2. Bruce Banner has pretty much licked his condition. He’s at peace with being the Hulk, he’s celebrated as a hero… where is there for his character to go, without bringing in Gray Hulk characterization or the Maestro? How’s this: Bruce is enjoying his newfound freedom to catch up with his cousin Jen when the Leader strikes. You know his deal: he wants to hit the entire world with gamma radiation and turn everyone into Hulks for science. He tests this process on Jen to see if Banner’s genetic structure has anything to do with success (obligatory shot at the Ang Lee movie). Jen gets Hulk powers, which is the worst thing for a repressed, beleaguered paralegal. Bruce tries to help her cope with it, but his “I’m always angry” philosophy doesn’t work for her. Jen’s problem isn’t repressed anger, it’s repressed everything. Blah blah feminist theory, but eventually she works out her issues and we get Hulk and She-Hulk against an army of the Leader’s gamma monsters. Avengers 2, we have Bruce hurt or captured early on (if you were an evil overlord, would you let the fucking Hulk run around willy-nilly?) and Jen joins up to save him. And maybe sees Black Widow and makes a comment like “Do I get a skintight leather outfit or do I have to borrow one of Cap’s star-spangled onesies?”