I just think we should consider all sides of this Trayvon Martin thing.

For instance, has anyone stopped to consider that it might all be viral marketing for Skittles?

Yeah, white people, I know I should probably let this wait until the next meeting of all the white people on the planet*, but we've seriously got to stop concern-trolling the black people about this hoodie business. They're starting to think we're serious about it. We're the race that likes to dress up as zombies and wander around pretending to be zombies. If a black guy starts shooting us and says "Hey, I thought they were zombies," it's gonna be our own fault.

In all seriousness, though, we (other races too this time) do need to stop harping on the fact that the actual shooter is Hispanic. Yeah, there're always going to be crazies of all races. What's racist is that you have white people saying "Hey, maybe it was justified, the other guy did smoke marijuana once and took a picture where he was flipping the middle finger." Like, holy shit, that's all it takes to be worthy of getting gunned down in the streets? Thank God I'm not a teenager anymore. With all the masturbation I did, I'd probably get gang-raped in the shower.

I actually saw two people at a church (not mine, long story) discussing the "controversy." Which doesn't seem all that controversial to me. God says murder is wrong. Thus, if you have a gun and someone else doesn't, you shouldn't shoot them. If you do, you should be punished. I don't really see how this breaks down if there's a photograph of them flipping the bird. I mean, imagine if he was actually flipping the bird at someone instead of just doing something stupid for the camera because that's what stupid teenagers do.

I think they might be a Cthulu church. I'm just saying, who sounds more likely to talk about how the murder of an innocent person is justifiable, a follower of Dread Cthulu or a Mormon?

It's something that got me thinking about Project X, the movie that's aggressive about not being self-aware. There, you have the three main kids destroying property, having anonymous sex, doing drugs, doing alcohol, listening to loud music, flipping off a police helicopter, and the movie portrays this as unironically "epic". And I gotta wonder, would that movie have gotten made if even one of the characters were black? Because that's something I noticed when I was watching it, none of the named characters are black. You just have anonymous black guys who show up to do phresh dance moves and show off how awesome the party is. It's a movie that, insomuch as it's 'about' anything other than "no, popping your collar totally makes you look like a badass", is about fucking da police and screw the system and whatnot. And it's about suburban white kids. Who are upset about how society isn't getting them enough pussy.

So as a movie, Project X was designed to take three unknown actors and catapult them instantly into the limelight. Now I'm actually glad that not one of those guys was black. I mean, I'd hate to feel awkward about hating that movie.

The meeting of all the white people on the planet

In a previous post, I referred to the meeting of all the white people on the planet. This might be confusing for some of you who are not white, but the meeting is where we decide on pop culture and just general trolling. Justin Timberlake's popularity, The Killing, Sam Worthington being a bigger movie star than Idris Elba... all stuff white people pretend to like to see if we can trick you other guys into buying it. We also come up with new genres of fiction that have the decks a little stacked. For instance, at the last meeting we decided that what would be really big in coming months would be...

1. Superheroes from the Silver Age. It turns out, you don't have to justify racism so long as you just import characters from a racist period in history. Who knew?

2. Fairy tales. We're making three big-budget adaptations of Snow White, who by her very name has to be Caucasian, and all anyone asks for is another one based on the works of Bill Willingham, who thinks black people are a kind of cleaning product. How the fuck do you let us get away with that?

3. Greek mythology. Set in a time period where black people were off somewhere else, worshiping gods who weren't Liam Neeson.

4. Post-apocalyptic stories. Set in a time period where nuclear holocaust or zombie attack has killed most black people. In fact, the character of T-Dog in The Walking Dead was actually made by a rogue white person (or "Broken Spear" in our parlance) trying to point out this. We actually had a black character who doesn't do or say anything, except for one scene where he complains about how he doesn't get to do or say anything because he's black. No one noticed that, right?

5. Bromance. We were of course pleased to discover that women will accept almost entirely male casts so long as there is reasonable doubt as to whether or not the men are touching each other sexually (ETA: Whoopsie, this is from the meeting of all the men on the planet, don't know how that got in there)

Also, we decided to cancel steampunk, since justifying entirely white casts by setting it in a time period where black people were oppressed was just a little too blatant, even for us. Instead, we're going with a continuing "vampire" theme. If anyone has a box office pool going, you might want to get in on the ground floor of this. Shh!