Dec. 8th, 2011

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--but I did just realize a young Kim Coates (Tig from Sons of Anarchy, philistines) plays the thug whose nose Bruce Willis punches into his brain. Some things of note at la cinema.

-Michael Bay is probably making a fourth Transformers movie. Good. I'd prefer to have him contained to material that's already irrevocably crapped than spread to, say, Thor 2. And while I can appreciate what Transfans (is that their word, or is that the name for people who are big supporters of transsexual rights?) are going through, I think the nature of the beast is that studios won't pay for character development scenes of giant robots. Too expensive. If they're paying ten million dollars to animate Grimlock, he has to be doing something you can show in a trailer, so they're married to the "little humans talking about the giant robots that do cool stuff and only cool stuff" approach.

-Speaking of Thor 2, Patsy Jenkins is out as director. Obviously, that's not great from a feminist standpoint, although the suggestion that she direct a future Marvel movie (Ms. Marvel?) is heartening. Since everyone is making their dreampick for new director, I'm going with Gavin O'Connor. He did Warrior (ten times the movie Real Steel is at one-third the budget). Not only does that show he has the family dynamics down (which you need for Thor, the big Norse soap opera of the Marvel universe), but that movie actually had better action than the original Thor. Go watch the match with Kolba and tell me you wouldn't want to see something like that go down between Thor and, I don't know, the Ding-A-Ling Family.
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"I kinda love that about you."

"I hate you a little less."

I tried to think up something that sounded more like a declaration of undying gay love, and all I came up with was "I love you" and "I love your vagina."

Also, TNT, did you really ask the internet "Are Tommy and Maura a good match?" That's like a purse snatcher being held at gunpoint by Clint Eastwood and saying "You don't have the guts, pussy."

Burlesque

Dec. 8th, 2011 10:02 pm
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My sister rented Burlesque. That should put all suspicion that she's really a man to rest.

-In case you were wondering, burlesque dancing is basically stripping, but for gay men. I'm not being homophobic--it's literally strip routines with elaborate costumes, musical numbers, and no nipples. It's either for gay men or glee club members who've been chemically castrated.

-Cam Gigandet wears a vest, guyliner, and a bowler hat. In terms of straight male costuming, that's 70% more fantastical than your average Star Trek alien.

-I know it sounds snooty to say you could write a better movie (although I really could write a better ending to Immortals), but give me one draft and I could make a better movie. Kirsten Bell stars in this movie. Page 1 rewrite: VERONICA MARS IS A STRIPPER: THE MOVIE. Stanley Tucci can stay.

-I think Cher in this movie was an early make-up test for Hugo Weaving in Captain America: The First Avenger.

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