And now, another witty moment from Metal Gear Solid

And then there's the cream of the crop," Campbell added. "The Genome Combat Veterans. They'll be dressed in spec-ops black owl Kevlar-armored fatigues. They call themselves Space Seals."

"Why?" Snake asked. "Do they sit up, clap their flippers, and bark for treats?" No one laughed.

Dear 2009...

Well, there's no getting around it, you've been kinda an asshole to celebrities. I mean, Natasha Richardson? Patrick Swayze? Brittany Murphy? To be honest, it's kinda like you just flipped a coin whenever IMDB had a "Born Today." But now you're almost over and 2010 can have its chance to not be fired. But, 2009, before you go... would you mind taking a request?

Kill Roman Polanski.

I mean, c'mon! Work with me here! Did you see the quote the guy had about how everyone wants to have sex with little girls? He's like the bad guy in a pro-vigilante series, only somehow, instead of Dirty Harry or Vic Mackie executing him, he's under house arrest in a villa. And somehow making otherwise respectable people lose their goddamn minds and say things about how rape can not be rape-rape.

Look, 2009, you're the expert here. I don't know how you want to play this, just do it. Kill Roman Polanski. You know you want to. And frankly, don't you want to shut 2006 up about getting Kenneth Lay? This is your shot! Don't be remembered for New Moon and Jon & Kate Plus 8. Just kill him! Kill him with fire!