I have White Noise 2 saved on my DVR

On the one hand, even if I wanted to watch it, why would I want to watch the edited for TV version of a horror movie? On the other hand, Nathan Fillion and Katee Sackhoff. And I know I'm not alone in this, but after Nathan Fillion worked in a "special hell" reference on Castle, he's apparently my TV boyfriend? Like, if I needed a TV boyfriend to win a contest or anything? I don't know, what do you do with a TV boyfriend?

I'm just saying, he seems like a good provider.

Anyway, White Noise 2, expect a review and additional lulz if Katee Sackhoff turns out to be a ghost.

(no subject)

Tipping The Velvet (2002)

So, this is what would happen if Michael Bay directed a lesbian period drama. I'm not even kidding, it's that hilariously bad.

*Just in the plot way, I can see how "OMG, you guys, there were lesbians in Victorian England! And they didn't have an easy time of it!" is a flimsy story, but the last fifteen minutes feature pretty much the most half-hearted love triangle ever. Who will Nan choose, the old flame who cheated on her and dumped her like Glenn Beck on your DVR, or the girl she's currently dating who's been nothing but loving and accepting to her? NO SPOILERS!

*Oysters as metaphor for va-jay-jay. If you thought Smallville dropped anvils...

*At one point, aforementioned old flame cheats on Our Long-Suffering Heroine with a man, with the expected heteronormative douchery ("I think you'll need a man to do that [fucking]"), which is then recapped with constant flashbacks to him insulting her, even demonically distorted like he's frickin' Pazuzu. To a long-time MST3k fan like me, I couldn't help but think "The faces of those Nan wronged flashed before her eyes." Why not have their faces just circle around her head while you're at it? "DENTAL PLAN! LISA NEEDS BRACES!"

*In the slums of London, woman were sometimes forced to resort to prostitution just to survive. How does the director choose to present this to the audience? With an eighties movie montage, of course! An eighties movie montage about paying for oral sex. With a little *ka-ching* when she shows off the coins she's earned. NOT! KIDDING!

*When Nan and, uh, Kitty I think it was? When they kiss for the first time, a SHOOTING STAR flies past. It was at this point that I literally laughed out loud. YOU GUYS, THEY ARE TOTALLY MEANT TO BE!

*Just because a music hall is a plot point, doesn't mean you have to accompany dramatic events with, say, a snare drum, or sex scenes with Benny Hill music, or steam noises when someone is mad.

Read the book, it'd pretty much have to be better.