Dawn of the Dumb

Did a double-shift today. I don't know why the shortbuses arrive to send what must be the entire student body of a school for the developmentally disabled to the cinema, always on my shift, but being in a mall movie theatre while the mentally challenged line up in front of your box office is not something that should be undertaken after having watched Dawn of the Dead. Original or remake.

Not that they have anything on some of the supposedly "normal" customers I've gotten, but I felt it worth mentioning that they all bought tickets to Four Christmases. Just saying, is all. Probably nothing to it.

Except one of them walked out.



You ever had one of those days where you really wish you could write for Marvel, so you could do a storyline where Felicia has to stay with Mr. and Mrs. Spider-Man because (insert excuse of a plot here)? It would be jawsome.

Mary-Jane: (standing by bathroom door, arms crossed and tapping foot as Peter walks by yawning) Peter!

Peter: Yes?

Mary-Jane: Did you know your ex-girlfriend has been in the shower for two hours?

Peter: (sighs, knocks) C'mon, Felicia, this is so not what Catwoman would do.

Felicia: (comes out in ridiculously tiny towel) Sorry, Peter, I didn't know you needed the bathroom. (flounces off, tossing him towel) Throw that in the laundry for me, would you?

Mary-Jane: (to herself) It's just grist for the mill, MJ, save it for the Medea audition... PETER!

Peter: (covering) She has really great hair what shampoo do you think she uses?

Much like the proud tradition of Power Girl's ever expanding bust, I would also see how many hints of a Peter/MJ/Felicia menage a trois I could slip in before someone caught on.

Quesada: Hey, about this scene where Peter is cooking breakfast for Mary-Jane and Felicia and everyone is in their underwear...?

Me: Is the artist keeping the beefcake on the panels of the left page and the cheesecake on the panels of the right page for ease of fapping?

Quesada: Yes, of course, but... why is Mary-Jane wearing the underwear Felicia was wearing in the last scene?

Me: I'm sorry, for a second there it sounded like you had a Pulitzer Prize for Literature.

Quesada: Sorry, won't happen again!

Me: See that it doesn't.


Oh, hey, nine days till deadline, might wanna start on that Yuletide story. Ha ha, I kid, ha ha, no, not much.

Avatar: The First (of many) Honkeys

Once upon a time, there was an Avatar movie. And people were cast to star in said Avatar movie. And then the casting information was posted on scans_daily. And, as is the custom of their people, there was a WANKSPLOSION!!!

Speculation on why the WANKSPLOSION!!! followed Porn Week will be done by dirtier minds than my own. shananagin?

Apparently, when you make a series about Eskimo-analogs meeting a Tibetan-analog and then them going on the run from Japanese-analogs, then cast white people as everyone, some people get upset. Highlights!

1. i like how he did the casting call in texas. REALLY? REALLY?! was there a "no minorities allowed" sign on the door?!!

Actually, and this is a little-known fact, but back in 2006 the law banning minorities from setting foot in Texas was repealed. Before then they had to wear whiteface to avoid the thousand-strong mobs of Klansmen that roamed after dark, but now they can herd cattle and mine for oil just like all the white folk! It worked out great, because now all the straight people who were banned from San Francisco could move in.

2. M. Night Shyamalan as the Cabbage Salesman. Unfortunately, I don't think he doesn't have that much of a sense of humor about himself. But it would be cool.

3.

(What, Jason Statham wasn't available?)

The worst part of this is that it's a kid's movie. Kids don't care if their heroes are white or brown or giant alien robots. I grew up in the 80s and you know who the absolute biggest, coolest, women-want-him-men-want-to-be-him badass was? Mr. T!

Kids aren't racist. It's when they grow up and go to marketing school with a bunch of other rich white kids and listen to harmless black jokes and don't invite the Asian guy to the weekend party because he's probably busy studying and then they get a job at a movie studio and cast only white people because that's what sells, it's not because they're racist, no, it's those ignorant people in flyover countries who I have to sell to, they're the racist, I have a lot of black friends, I watched Crash!... it's then that they're racist motherfuckers.

I posted my name on a Holiday love meme

And forgot to tell people about it. Until now.