seriousfic (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
seriousfic) wrote2009-02-14 10:23 am
seriousfic) wrote2009-02-14 10:23 am
Young Justice fic: Too Many Valentines!
Title: Too Many Valentines!
Fandom: Young Justice/Teen Titans
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,360
Characters/Pairings: Tim/Steph, Kon, Bart, Cass, and the JLI.
Summary: Steph is usually okay with the amount of Valentines Robin gets, but not when one of them is from Cass!
There was a steady stream of mail to the hotel in Catskills – thank-you notes from grateful citizens, hate mail from ungrateful ones, and coupons for free massages, which were always a bit creepy when they were signed ‘Chad’. The mail was never excessive, but always enough to guarantee Snapper Carr employment. On only one day was he swamped: Valentine’s Day. Tim, Kon, and Bart stood before a pile that looked like what would happen if Santa Claus had been on vacation for 3 Christmases.
“Imagine if one of those is an overdue book notice?” Tim asked, agonized. “Or an unpaid parking ticket?”
“Should’ve thought about that before you parked the Batmobile in a handicapped space, delinquent,” Kon chimed.
“Why are they all addressed to us? Don’t people love Arrowette?” Bart asked.
“It’s a very different kind of love. Us, we’re hot bitches!” Kon pumped his fist in the air. ”Timbo, you’re the broody, brainy one. I’m the wild, unshaven bad boy…”
“You’re not wild, you just haven’t shaved since Cassie used your razor on her legs,” Bart said.
“And Bart,” Kon continued on, unimpeded, “is the… what are you?”
“I’m different!”
“Who would send a Valentine to Bart?” Tim asked, opening one of Bart’s envelopes. And closing it. Very quickly. “You don’t want to know.”
Kon’s cell-phone pinged with a text message, just like Tim’s. It distracted Tim from keeping the letter away from Bart, who snatched it at super-speed. “Wow. Great inking.”
Kon checked his cell as Tim glowered at Bart. “Cool! Spoiler’s stopping by!”
“Why is the RSS set to tell you whenever my girlfriend comes to the Justice Hotel?”
“Actually, it’s set to tell me when any girl, or Nightwing, comes to the Hotel. And the Nightwing thing is just in case Cassie wanted to have a boy-boy threesome to go with a proper threesome.”
“Very considerate of you,” Tim said.
“Cassie doesn’t know how lucky she is,” Bart said.
“One of you is being sarcastic and I know it isn’t Bart.”
Steph slapped her hands over Tim’s eyes. “Guess who!”
Bart snapped his fingers. “Giganta!”
“Are you calling me fat?”
Tim pulled Steph’s arms off his face and into a backwards hug. “Don’t take it personally, he’s an idiot.”
“-—because I retain water, but this butt is all muscle!”
“Hey Steph!” Tim said, forcing a change of subject from anything that made Kon look at his girlfriend’s ass. “Is your Valentine in here?”
“Did you send him some chocolates? Can I have some?” Bart begged.
“Actually, I was hoping to give Tim his gift in private.”
“Just remember to use protection,” Kon lectured. “Otherwise you might be giving the gift of Chlamydia.”
“It’s a cheer routine, pervo!” Steph flicked Kon on the nose. “So glad Cass taught me how to get through that pregnable forcefield.”
“She kept looking at me, reminding me that she could…” Kon shuddered at the memory.
“Steph, stop fiddling with my utility belt. Okay, we’re going to need to get these sorted if we’re ever going to—“
“Have Red Tornado send thank-you notes?” Bart suggested.
“With requests for pictures from the freaky-sounding chicks?” Kon suggested.
“I don’t like you hanging out with him,” Steph said.
“If I start an underwear collection, could I have yours for the superhero wing?” Bart asked.
“Or him.”
“Bart, just sort the letters,” Tim said, exasperated.
Bart made a ‘we’ll talk later’ gesture that was indiscernible from a ‘call me’ gesture, then went to work.
“Aww, look!” Steph galloped to Tim’s stack, which was making Kon somewhat insecure with its towering height as compared to his own pile. “Some preschool class sent Tim a cardboard heart with lace and ruffles and a macaroni heart… why is it signed Cassandra Cain?”
“I’m sure it must be another Cass Cain…”
“How many people with double initials do you know? And with a name like Cass? There’s only one explanation. Batgirl is trying to steal my boyfriend!”
“Steph, come on, you just know there’s a reasonable explanation—“
“There’s never a reasonable explanation for macaroni hearts!”
“Honey, please don’t do anything rash. I’ll just explain to her that I’m dating you—“
“You think that’ll make a diff? Have you seen her costume!? She’ll tie you to a bed and have her creepily silent way with you!”
“Tim, can I borrow your costume?”
”No, Kon.”
“This is serious business! C’mon, Tim, let’s go show that tramp that the only woman allowed to run around Gotham in fetishistic leather tempting heroes is Catwoman! Unless she hits on you, in which case no one is allowed to do it. Except for Nightwing, but I guess that’s a grandfather clause…?” She dragged Tim off by his cape. “You drive!”
“Kon, why do people send Valentine cards?” Bart asked.
“Because they hope if they send the right card, the person who gets the card will do something really fun with them.”
“Like playing Monopoly?”
“No, Monopoly is a game that slogs on and on and on. Occasionally you hit a lucky spot, but just when you think you’re winning, everyone else gets bored and you leave it for another night, only you never get around to finishing…” Kon took a breath. “What I’m talking about is more like Candyland.”
“I love Candyland! We should get some other people who don’t game enough. We could play for M&Ms!”
***
“Message for you, sir.”
Alfred dropped the pink envelope onto Batman’s console. He opened it. Candyland. Hurm. Once, he would have relished the opportunity. But that child had died with his parents. Who were dead.
***
“Ooh, he wants us to play Candyland with him!” Tora read excitedly.
“Strip Candyland?” Bea asked.
“It doesn’t say.”
“Then maybe we should hold our own game of Candyland,” Bea said sultrily.
“Ooh, I’ll call Guy!”
Sometimes, Tora could spectacularly miss the point.
***
“Candyland? P-shaw!” Booster wadded the note up and three-pointed it into the waste-basket. “What do they think we are, kids?”
”Stomp the Goomba!” Ted cried.
“We’re veteran superheroes. We should be treated with some respect.”
“Ha ha! Blow me, Koopa Trooper!”
“Why, in the future, we’ve abolished fake holidays like Valentine’s and Thanksgiving.”
“In your face, Bowser!”
“Of course, they were soon replaced by the holidays of our Tamaranian overlords, like the Festival of Priapism and the Tuesday of Public Nudity. Ted, are you listening to me?”
“Every syllable. Why, were you saying something ridiculous to see if I wouldn’t notice because I was playing this children’s game?”
“No, just boring history.”
***
Scott Free answered the door. “Hello?”
“Who is it, Scott?” Big Barda called.
“No one. It’s just a Valentine’s day card. For me. From Impulse.”
“…that whore.”
***
The Robin-wing flew at Mach 3. In the cockpit, Tim was starting to feel a little Superboyish. “You know, there is enough Tim to go around.”
“Shut your mouth, Drake, or that outfit’s going in a display case.”
“Okay, we’re almost to Cass’s Batcave.”
“You mean her love nest!”
***
“Tim, have you heard?” Cass cried out as soon as she saw him getting out of the R-wing. “Bart wants us to play Candyland with him!”
“I just bet, wanton trollop!” Steph jumped out of the cockpit. “Stay away from my man or I’ll cut you like a white guy from a basketball team!”
“Why? Could I catch something from him?” Cass glared at Tim suspiciously before whispering to Steph. “Does he have cooties?”
“Don’t try to cloud the issue with the cooties Tim may or may not have!” (Tim crossed his arms. “I don’t.”) “You sent a Valentine card to my boyfriend! How do you sleep at night, monster?”
“I made one for you too!” Cass said brightly, picking up a cardboard heart. She picked up a bracelet in her other hand. “And I made us friendship bracelets!”
“Neato equals keen!” Steph put hers on. “Best friends forever!” She gave Cass a hug.
Tim scratched his head. “You guys sure you don’t want to have a fistfight…? Break Jason Todd’s memorial…? No?”
And so everyone had a happy Valentine’s Day, except for Impulse, who had to spend it hiding from Big Barda.
Fandom: Young Justice/Teen Titans
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,360
Characters/Pairings: Tim/Steph, Kon, Bart, Cass, and the JLI.
Summary: Steph is usually okay with the amount of Valentines Robin gets, but not when one of them is from Cass!
There was a steady stream of mail to the hotel in Catskills – thank-you notes from grateful citizens, hate mail from ungrateful ones, and coupons for free massages, which were always a bit creepy when they were signed ‘Chad’. The mail was never excessive, but always enough to guarantee Snapper Carr employment. On only one day was he swamped: Valentine’s Day. Tim, Kon, and Bart stood before a pile that looked like what would happen if Santa Claus had been on vacation for 3 Christmases.
“Imagine if one of those is an overdue book notice?” Tim asked, agonized. “Or an unpaid parking ticket?”
“Should’ve thought about that before you parked the Batmobile in a handicapped space, delinquent,” Kon chimed.
“Why are they all addressed to us? Don’t people love Arrowette?” Bart asked.
“It’s a very different kind of love. Us, we’re hot bitches!” Kon pumped his fist in the air. ”Timbo, you’re the broody, brainy one. I’m the wild, unshaven bad boy…”
“You’re not wild, you just haven’t shaved since Cassie used your razor on her legs,” Bart said.
“And Bart,” Kon continued on, unimpeded, “is the… what are you?”
“I’m different!”
“Who would send a Valentine to Bart?” Tim asked, opening one of Bart’s envelopes. And closing it. Very quickly. “You don’t want to know.”
Kon’s cell-phone pinged with a text message, just like Tim’s. It distracted Tim from keeping the letter away from Bart, who snatched it at super-speed. “Wow. Great inking.”
Kon checked his cell as Tim glowered at Bart. “Cool! Spoiler’s stopping by!”
“Why is the RSS set to tell you whenever my girlfriend comes to the Justice Hotel?”
“Actually, it’s set to tell me when any girl, or Nightwing, comes to the Hotel. And the Nightwing thing is just in case Cassie wanted to have a boy-boy threesome to go with a proper threesome.”
“Very considerate of you,” Tim said.
“Cassie doesn’t know how lucky she is,” Bart said.
“One of you is being sarcastic and I know it isn’t Bart.”
Steph slapped her hands over Tim’s eyes. “Guess who!”
Bart snapped his fingers. “Giganta!”
“Are you calling me fat?”
Tim pulled Steph’s arms off his face and into a backwards hug. “Don’t take it personally, he’s an idiot.”
“-—because I retain water, but this butt is all muscle!”
“Hey Steph!” Tim said, forcing a change of subject from anything that made Kon look at his girlfriend’s ass. “Is your Valentine in here?”
“Did you send him some chocolates? Can I have some?” Bart begged.
“Actually, I was hoping to give Tim his gift in private.”
“Just remember to use protection,” Kon lectured. “Otherwise you might be giving the gift of Chlamydia.”
“It’s a cheer routine, pervo!” Steph flicked Kon on the nose. “So glad Cass taught me how to get through that pregnable forcefield.”
“She kept looking at me, reminding me that she could…” Kon shuddered at the memory.
“Steph, stop fiddling with my utility belt. Okay, we’re going to need to get these sorted if we’re ever going to—“
“Have Red Tornado send thank-you notes?” Bart suggested.
“With requests for pictures from the freaky-sounding chicks?” Kon suggested.
“I don’t like you hanging out with him,” Steph said.
“If I start an underwear collection, could I have yours for the superhero wing?” Bart asked.
“Or him.”
“Bart, just sort the letters,” Tim said, exasperated.
Bart made a ‘we’ll talk later’ gesture that was indiscernible from a ‘call me’ gesture, then went to work.
“Aww, look!” Steph galloped to Tim’s stack, which was making Kon somewhat insecure with its towering height as compared to his own pile. “Some preschool class sent Tim a cardboard heart with lace and ruffles and a macaroni heart… why is it signed Cassandra Cain?”
“I’m sure it must be another Cass Cain…”
“How many people with double initials do you know? And with a name like Cass? There’s only one explanation. Batgirl is trying to steal my boyfriend!”
“Steph, come on, you just know there’s a reasonable explanation—“
“There’s never a reasonable explanation for macaroni hearts!”
“Honey, please don’t do anything rash. I’ll just explain to her that I’m dating you—“
“You think that’ll make a diff? Have you seen her costume!? She’ll tie you to a bed and have her creepily silent way with you!”
“Tim, can I borrow your costume?”
”No, Kon.”
“This is serious business! C’mon, Tim, let’s go show that tramp that the only woman allowed to run around Gotham in fetishistic leather tempting heroes is Catwoman! Unless she hits on you, in which case no one is allowed to do it. Except for Nightwing, but I guess that’s a grandfather clause…?” She dragged Tim off by his cape. “You drive!”
“Kon, why do people send Valentine cards?” Bart asked.
“Because they hope if they send the right card, the person who gets the card will do something really fun with them.”
“Like playing Monopoly?”
“No, Monopoly is a game that slogs on and on and on. Occasionally you hit a lucky spot, but just when you think you’re winning, everyone else gets bored and you leave it for another night, only you never get around to finishing…” Kon took a breath. “What I’m talking about is more like Candyland.”
“I love Candyland! We should get some other people who don’t game enough. We could play for M&Ms!”
***
“Message for you, sir.”
Alfred dropped the pink envelope onto Batman’s console. He opened it. Candyland. Hurm. Once, he would have relished the opportunity. But that child had died with his parents. Who were dead.
***
“Ooh, he wants us to play Candyland with him!” Tora read excitedly.
“Strip Candyland?” Bea asked.
“It doesn’t say.”
“Then maybe we should hold our own game of Candyland,” Bea said sultrily.
“Ooh, I’ll call Guy!”
Sometimes, Tora could spectacularly miss the point.
***
“Candyland? P-shaw!” Booster wadded the note up and three-pointed it into the waste-basket. “What do they think we are, kids?”
”Stomp the Goomba!” Ted cried.
“We’re veteran superheroes. We should be treated with some respect.”
“Ha ha! Blow me, Koopa Trooper!”
“Why, in the future, we’ve abolished fake holidays like Valentine’s and Thanksgiving.”
“In your face, Bowser!”
“Of course, they were soon replaced by the holidays of our Tamaranian overlords, like the Festival of Priapism and the Tuesday of Public Nudity. Ted, are you listening to me?”
“Every syllable. Why, were you saying something ridiculous to see if I wouldn’t notice because I was playing this children’s game?”
“No, just boring history.”
***
Scott Free answered the door. “Hello?”
“Who is it, Scott?” Big Barda called.
“No one. It’s just a Valentine’s day card. For me. From Impulse.”
“…that whore.”
***
The Robin-wing flew at Mach 3. In the cockpit, Tim was starting to feel a little Superboyish. “You know, there is enough Tim to go around.”
“Shut your mouth, Drake, or that outfit’s going in a display case.”
“Okay, we’re almost to Cass’s Batcave.”
“You mean her love nest!”
***
“Tim, have you heard?” Cass cried out as soon as she saw him getting out of the R-wing. “Bart wants us to play Candyland with him!”
“I just bet, wanton trollop!” Steph jumped out of the cockpit. “Stay away from my man or I’ll cut you like a white guy from a basketball team!”
“Why? Could I catch something from him?” Cass glared at Tim suspiciously before whispering to Steph. “Does he have cooties?”
“Don’t try to cloud the issue with the cooties Tim may or may not have!” (Tim crossed his arms. “I don’t.”) “You sent a Valentine card to my boyfriend! How do you sleep at night, monster?”
“I made one for you too!” Cass said brightly, picking up a cardboard heart. She picked up a bracelet in her other hand. “And I made us friendship bracelets!”
“Neato equals keen!” Steph put hers on. “Best friends forever!” She gave Cass a hug.
Tim scratched his head. “You guys sure you don’t want to have a fistfight…? Break Jason Todd’s memorial…? No?”
And so everyone had a happy Valentine’s Day, except for Impulse, who had to spend it hiding from Big Barda.