seriousfic (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
seriousfic) wrote2010-10-05 12:04 pm
seriousfic) wrote2010-10-05 12:04 pm
Sherlock Holmes/Iron Man: Elementary, My Dear Pepper
So I, like, tried to write a part with Pepper and Holmes, but then I got bored and decided to just post this.
Title: Elementary, My Dear Pepper
Fandom: Sherlock Holmes/Iron Man
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 835
Characters/Pairings: Tony Stark, John Watson
Summary: For reasons too complicated to be explained ever, Pepper and Watson have switched places. Tony is used to this brave new world.
"Watson, come here, I need you."
Watson stirred from his exam table. His pillow was talking and it had Tony's voice. "I'm resting," Watson told his pillow. "And if I weren't, I'd be seeing patients."
"You're not resting and you don't have any patients. You're bored. Come help me."
"With what?"
"It's important."
"Why do you have a phone in my pillow?"
"That's not important." Tony hung up the pillow.
Watson got his doctor's bag. Even if Tony didn't need medical attention, it could serve as a good bludgeon. It had been one thing when they were roommates in college. Watson had appreciated the experience, which would surely come in handy if he was ever on a game show where all the questions pertained to symptoms of venereal diseases. On the whole, in fact, Watson would say he'd seen Stark's dick more than the entirety of the female gender. But they'd graduated and that should've been the end of it. Watson was off to salute school and Tony had the full-time job of being Tony.
Then came Afghanistan. Watson had been trying to figure out how to start his own practice on the pittance the Royal Marines had given him along with his medical discharge. Then he'd gotten Tony's job offer. They had both needed a friendly face, and the pay was good, and he had forgotten some of Tony's "finer" moments. So Watson had agreed to be Tony's personal physician for the duration of his recovery.
Since then, he had hacked computer networks, caused a meltdown, and generally done everything but treat patients. He'd managed to start his practice, and Tony had even volunteered the use of his (bigger than any apartment Watson had ever been in) guesthouse. Watson wasn't sure why he'd agreed to that, only that it had involved copious drinking by both parties and Tony's heartfelt declaration "You… are the Robin… to my… I'm Batman!"
Of course, even in LA, no one was crazy enough to visit, as they all seemed under the impression that Tony could be attacked by a superpowered bondage fetishist at any moment. Possibly because Tony had told a reporter "I could be attacked by a crazed bondage fetishist at any moment." (Watson was pretty sure he had slept with her.)
"What is it, Tony?" he asked, pushing open the (unlocked, ajar) side-door with his toe.
Tony answered the door in boxers and the top half of a business suit. "What do you think?" He held up two ties. "Midnight blue or naughty red?"
"How is it naughty?"
"I don't know, I think this is the kind of tie you're supposed to use for sex games."
"Then don't wear it."
"It will be a pretty wild party."
"Then wear it."
"But I don't want to come off as slutty."
"I don't think that'll depend on what you wear."
"Watson, don't be a playa-hater. I hate it when you're a playa-hater."
Watson sighed. "Wear the blue tie. If you do meet a girl who wants to be tied up, she'll probably have her own rope."
"Now that's deductive reasoning."
"Not really."
"Eh. Reason's never been my strong suit."
"As a proud Englishman, I will overlook that insane straight line."
"You're no fun, Johnny. That's what I like about you. Everyone else wants to be fun. You don't. It makes you the most fun. Plus the cane reminds me of House. So thanks for that. And all those other things." Tony didn't look like he'd said too much, he never said too much, he just let the sentence trail off like he had just gotten immensely bored.
"Other stuff? You mean like saving your life, helping you with your insane stunts, and putting up with miscellaneous kookery?"
"My miscellaneous makes perfect sense. But yes, imagine I had to put up with someone else for all that."
"Sobering."
"Almost," Tony said with a drink. Why had Watson gotten him a hip flask for Christmas? "That reminds me, we're going to a wine-tasting this weekend. A strip wine-testing."
"I can't go. I have plans."
"What plans?"
"I'm getting married."
"Watson, I'm flattered, but this is all so sudden—"
"To Mary."
"Mary who?"
"Mary Watson, after this weekend."
"Not very feminist, is she?"
Watson growled and moved off. Tony followed him out onto the yard, slinging both ties over his shoulder and giving the paparazzi a thrill. "So when do I get to meet her?"
"You have met her!"
"The nanny?"
Watson stopped with a mental 'oh god.'
"I know it's traditional to get married and sleep with the nanny, but cutting out the middleman? Wal-Mart does that all the time and nobody likes them."
"Don't you have some aliens to fight?"
"No, they're friendly. Haven't you seen ET?"
"Tony, I'm getting married. I'm not staying single so you can have a drinking buddy."
"I'm not asking you to. In fact, I think getting married will be good for you."
"Yes," Watson said, and tried to move.
"When's the bachelor party?"
Title: Elementary, My Dear Pepper
Fandom: Sherlock Holmes/Iron Man
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 835
Characters/Pairings: Tony Stark, John Watson
Summary: For reasons too complicated to be explained ever, Pepper and Watson have switched places. Tony is used to this brave new world.
"Watson, come here, I need you."
Watson stirred from his exam table. His pillow was talking and it had Tony's voice. "I'm resting," Watson told his pillow. "And if I weren't, I'd be seeing patients."
"You're not resting and you don't have any patients. You're bored. Come help me."
"With what?"
"It's important."
"Why do you have a phone in my pillow?"
"That's not important." Tony hung up the pillow.
Watson got his doctor's bag. Even if Tony didn't need medical attention, it could serve as a good bludgeon. It had been one thing when they were roommates in college. Watson had appreciated the experience, which would surely come in handy if he was ever on a game show where all the questions pertained to symptoms of venereal diseases. On the whole, in fact, Watson would say he'd seen Stark's dick more than the entirety of the female gender. But they'd graduated and that should've been the end of it. Watson was off to salute school and Tony had the full-time job of being Tony.
Then came Afghanistan. Watson had been trying to figure out how to start his own practice on the pittance the Royal Marines had given him along with his medical discharge. Then he'd gotten Tony's job offer. They had both needed a friendly face, and the pay was good, and he had forgotten some of Tony's "finer" moments. So Watson had agreed to be Tony's personal physician for the duration of his recovery.
Since then, he had hacked computer networks, caused a meltdown, and generally done everything but treat patients. He'd managed to start his practice, and Tony had even volunteered the use of his (bigger than any apartment Watson had ever been in) guesthouse. Watson wasn't sure why he'd agreed to that, only that it had involved copious drinking by both parties and Tony's heartfelt declaration "You… are the Robin… to my… I'm Batman!"
Of course, even in LA, no one was crazy enough to visit, as they all seemed under the impression that Tony could be attacked by a superpowered bondage fetishist at any moment. Possibly because Tony had told a reporter "I could be attacked by a crazed bondage fetishist at any moment." (Watson was pretty sure he had slept with her.)
"What is it, Tony?" he asked, pushing open the (unlocked, ajar) side-door with his toe.
Tony answered the door in boxers and the top half of a business suit. "What do you think?" He held up two ties. "Midnight blue or naughty red?"
"How is it naughty?"
"I don't know, I think this is the kind of tie you're supposed to use for sex games."
"Then don't wear it."
"It will be a pretty wild party."
"Then wear it."
"But I don't want to come off as slutty."
"I don't think that'll depend on what you wear."
"Watson, don't be a playa-hater. I hate it when you're a playa-hater."
Watson sighed. "Wear the blue tie. If you do meet a girl who wants to be tied up, she'll probably have her own rope."
"Now that's deductive reasoning."
"Not really."
"Eh. Reason's never been my strong suit."
"As a proud Englishman, I will overlook that insane straight line."
"You're no fun, Johnny. That's what I like about you. Everyone else wants to be fun. You don't. It makes you the most fun. Plus the cane reminds me of House. So thanks for that. And all those other things." Tony didn't look like he'd said too much, he never said too much, he just let the sentence trail off like he had just gotten immensely bored.
"Other stuff? You mean like saving your life, helping you with your insane stunts, and putting up with miscellaneous kookery?"
"My miscellaneous makes perfect sense. But yes, imagine I had to put up with someone else for all that."
"Sobering."
"Almost," Tony said with a drink. Why had Watson gotten him a hip flask for Christmas? "That reminds me, we're going to a wine-tasting this weekend. A strip wine-testing."
"I can't go. I have plans."
"What plans?"
"I'm getting married."
"Watson, I'm flattered, but this is all so sudden—"
"To Mary."
"Mary who?"
"Mary Watson, after this weekend."
"Not very feminist, is she?"
Watson growled and moved off. Tony followed him out onto the yard, slinging both ties over his shoulder and giving the paparazzi a thrill. "So when do I get to meet her?"
"You have met her!"
"The nanny?"
Watson stopped with a mental 'oh god.'
"I know it's traditional to get married and sleep with the nanny, but cutting out the middleman? Wal-Mart does that all the time and nobody likes them."
"Don't you have some aliens to fight?"
"No, they're friendly. Haven't you seen ET?"
"Tony, I'm getting married. I'm not staying single so you can have a drinking buddy."
"I'm not asking you to. In fact, I think getting married will be good for you."
"Yes," Watson said, and tried to move.
"When's the bachelor party?"
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Ooooo ... this is going to be b-a-d!
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Hope you post more! :D
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It's a bit disturbing how Tony can say this straight-faced and have it make perfect sense.
Hilarious stuff, I giggled all the way through! XD
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I think my favorite line here is "I know it's traditional to get married and sleep with the nanny, but cutting out the middleman? Wal-Mart does that all the time and nobody likes them." I giggle snorted.
Excellent crossover work. Oh and kudos for pulling it right into action moments. A lot of exposition on how the AU got to be AU always annoys me. Double oh before I forget. Phone in the pillow. Excellent Tony + Technology = Somebodies headache moment.
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