Person of Interest
Baby episode. BAAAAAABAAAAAY EPISODE.
2012-03-09
BAAAAABAAAAAAAAY EPISOOOOOOOOOODE
Did we ever get a baby episode of Legend of the Seeker? It doesn't count unless the baby keeps the Seekerettes up all night with crying and then Cara holds him and he's all :D baby. And Zedd goes WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT IT and Cara death-glares him and Richard is quietly smug at Cara's maternalness and Cara death-glares him and Kahlan is all I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU MIGHT MAKE A GOOD MOTHER and Cara tiny-grins her. Then at the end they return the baby to his rightful parents and Kahlan is staring at the parents' cottage like MY OVARIES and Richard hugs her from behind and is like I THINK SOMEDAY WE'LL HAVE ONE OF OUR OWN :D:D:D while Cara is just standing there like SHIT WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO CUDDLE WITH and Zedd makes a joke about how he's glad he doesn't have to change diapers anymore, since he was the one who had to show everyone how to hold a baby because he was a father once.
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OUAT fic: Not A Fairy Tale Romance (Regina/Emma) Part 7
Title: Not A Fairy Tale Romance
Fandom: Once Upon A Time
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,951
Characters/Pairings: Regina/Emma, Graham/Kathryn
Notes: This fic is an AU as of 1x07 - The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter
Previous: Part 6
Summary: Regina would give anything to get Henry back. She'll have to.
( Emma wasn't sure who she was worried more for, Regina or Henry. Henry she could get back, and nothing had happened to him. That was just unthinkable. But Regina. Regina had damage. Emma had always sensed it; no one was that perfect. But she'd also seen a lot of people in crisis mode. People whose families were being broken apart, sons going to jail, husbands going to the gas chamber. They fell apart. Not Regina; she self-destructed. )
Fandom: Once Upon A Time
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,951
Characters/Pairings: Regina/Emma, Graham/Kathryn
Notes: This fic is an AU as of 1x07 - The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter
Previous: Part 6
Summary: Regina would give anything to get Henry back. She'll have to.
( Emma wasn't sure who she was worried more for, Regina or Henry. Henry she could get back, and nothing had happened to him. That was just unthinkable. But Regina. Regina had damage. Emma had always sensed it; no one was that perfect. But she'd also seen a lot of people in crisis mode. People whose families were being broken apart, sons going to jail, husbands going to the gas chamber. They fell apart. Not Regina; she self-destructed. )
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John Carter reviewed by someone who didn't read the books, so don't crucify me, okay?
Which is a great title, just like "Kyle Reese" would've been a better title than The Terminator. Okay, maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm the only one who's a little tired of mass media sci-fi being Plus One. There's a lowest common denominator imagination going around. Everything is just the real world Plus One sci-fi element. Stargate is the real world Plus One stargate. Battlestar Galactica is the real world (business suits! Slugthrowers!) Plus One insultingly Luddite ending for a show that was thirty percent CGI.
John Carter isn't Plus One sci-fi. It's more like plus a hundred. John Carter has a cute alien pet WHO IS ALSO THE FLASH. An alien race of attractive exhibitionists ALONGSIDE GREEN-SKINNED FOUR-ARMED PROUD WARRIOR RACE GUYS. It's basically even more pulpy and out there than Avatar, which was, after all, just Earth except glowing blue and having six arms.
And I like that. It actually reminds me a lot of The Mummy, just with better CGI and a different bent to the imagination. You've got this kinda assholey guy who's just good at fighting and he ends up in the middle of a Martian war. And not, like, Star Trek Mars where they just need a hammy actor to use basic logic to solve their dilemma. He's got secret daughters and four-armed Mean Girls and master manipulators and WMDs and hot princesses to deal with. This is some crazy shit man.
Now, keeping in mind that this is intended as something of a kids' movie--albeit with Dejah Thoris's wardrobe intended to turn some of the boys into men--here's four caveats.
1. For a movie intended to be enjoyed by kids, it takes a while to get going. I don't mean in terms of pacing, but just the timeline seems like it could be hard to figure out. We start off on Mars, with the time-honed classic of our narrator telling us who's good and who's bad (helpfully, they color-coordinate into red and blue, not, say, orange and green, which would confuse us). Then we jump forward in time to Edgar Rice Burroughs finding his uncle's journal. That then jumps us back in time to after the stuff in the first prologue, with John Carter meeting Bryan Cranston (MR. WHITE!). After that, things get going, and the initially confusing plot points are reiterated, but still, it sets a bit of a bad tone.
2. This is kind of a minor issue, but I found myself nitpicking Dejah Thoris's character. Now, she actually is a strong female character, even with the obligatory "dolled up in a fanservice outfit to wed the bad guy" scene. And with her spending most of the movie dressed in a... err... "Sexy Hawkman" Halloween costume. But then, everyone dresses that way except for Ciarán Hinds, who has a bit of a gut. I can imagine his character getting up into his forties, realizing he's got a bit of a muffintop thing going on with his stripper outfit, and saying "*sigh* ...time to dress in layers."
But yeah, Taylor Kitsch gets the lion's share of the kink meme moments, with being mind-controlled by sexy evil bad guys with smooth, firm voices and being literally infantilized by Tharks and getting tied up like a hundred times... all in a loincloth. So I'm guessing there will be some kids realizing they're no longer little girls: they're little women.
Say, that's catchy...
So I'm guessing as originally written by Burroughs, Dejah Thoris was portrayed in a more chauvinistic manner, and they're amping up her character. Which is a good thing, and they have a clever way of making her a strong female character, having her be this brilliant science who is shown throughout the movie puzzling out stuff like how John Carter has superstrength and figuring out advanced technology and coming up with a new invention that threatens the Big Bads. Good stuff. But they also make her a master swordswoman, with the obligatory "I'll save you!" said the man and then "Or will I save you?" from the woman. Which was even in Batman & Robin. And I think it just might be a bridge too far to have her be Princess Scientist Warrior Superfox. I just have this dialogue in my head.
Andrew Stanton, director of Wall-E: Alright, so our female lead is Dejah Thoris, the Princess of Mars. She's a scientist who is on the verge of a major discovery that could change the fate of all Mars!
Disney: Mmmmm...
Andrew Stanton: She's also a wise and caring ruler who struggles over the best course of action for her people, trying to balance the needs of her kingdom with her own wants and desires.
Disney: Meh. Make her an expert fighter who arbitrarily kicks ass once or twice, but also needs to be saved by the hero.
Andrew Stanton: So... like every other female character from the 90s onward.
Disney: Pretty much, yeah.
So I think she might actually have been a stronger character if she was just a brilliant scientist slash awesome ruler, without her having to be a badass on top of all that. But then, it is for kids, so there's a good chance they'll accept Princess Scientist Warrior Superfox.
3. Am I piling on this movie? I don't mean to pile on this movie. Number three... they give John Carter an angsty backstory where he used to be a family man before his family died and then he Just Didn't Care Anymore. So he has to learn to love again and stuff. I'm not spoiling anything, you know this is coming the first time he flashes back to his loving wife and junk. Again, kid's movie, so this is meant for an audience that isn't as used to this trope as I am. But holy shit, is this a well-worn trope. I don't think they even give his family names. They don't even go into how or why his family died. He just seems to come home and go "Crap, family's dead, I feel bad."
This is partially redeemed by a surprisingly moving sequence late in the film, but still, isn't there a better way to get John Carter to a place of Just Not Caring? I do prefer it to the other period piece cliche of having a White Man Who Accidentally Massacred A Bunch Of Indians And Now Has To Redeem Himself.
DIGRESSION: At this point, that story element has been used so many times that it's actually gotten a bit exploitative. Like "Man, it's great how we pointed out how racist people in the 19th century were. Now let's go make another movie and not cast any Native actors whatsoever." You can acknowledge racism in your movie without kind of turning it into a stock angst bit, like how Deadwood or True Grit did. They didn't sugar-coat racism, but they also didn't turn into it a cheap bit of bathos.
4. Like I said, Bryan Cranston is in this movie, but he gets left behind on Earth pretty early on. I suggest instead of a sequel, we reboot this series, Punisher style, to be about Bryan Cranston joining John Carter on Mars. I call it "Bryan Cranston and John Carter: Bros of Mars."
Although "Bryan Cranston of Hoes" also has a nice ring to it.
All in all, this movie has a far better "We have to kill Mark Strong in the sequel" ending than Green Lantern.
John Carter isn't Plus One sci-fi. It's more like plus a hundred. John Carter has a cute alien pet WHO IS ALSO THE FLASH. An alien race of attractive exhibitionists ALONGSIDE GREEN-SKINNED FOUR-ARMED PROUD WARRIOR RACE GUYS. It's basically even more pulpy and out there than Avatar, which was, after all, just Earth except glowing blue and having six arms.
And I like that. It actually reminds me a lot of The Mummy, just with better CGI and a different bent to the imagination. You've got this kinda assholey guy who's just good at fighting and he ends up in the middle of a Martian war. And not, like, Star Trek Mars where they just need a hammy actor to use basic logic to solve their dilemma. He's got secret daughters and four-armed Mean Girls and master manipulators and WMDs and hot princesses to deal with. This is some crazy shit man.
Now, keeping in mind that this is intended as something of a kids' movie--albeit with Dejah Thoris's wardrobe intended to turn some of the boys into men--here's four caveats.
1. For a movie intended to be enjoyed by kids, it takes a while to get going. I don't mean in terms of pacing, but just the timeline seems like it could be hard to figure out. We start off on Mars, with the time-honed classic of our narrator telling us who's good and who's bad (helpfully, they color-coordinate into red and blue, not, say, orange and green, which would confuse us). Then we jump forward in time to Edgar Rice Burroughs finding his uncle's journal. That then jumps us back in time to after the stuff in the first prologue, with John Carter meeting Bryan Cranston (MR. WHITE!). After that, things get going, and the initially confusing plot points are reiterated, but still, it sets a bit of a bad tone.
2. This is kind of a minor issue, but I found myself nitpicking Dejah Thoris's character. Now, she actually is a strong female character, even with the obligatory "dolled up in a fanservice outfit to wed the bad guy" scene. And with her spending most of the movie dressed in a... err... "Sexy Hawkman" Halloween costume. But then, everyone dresses that way except for Ciarán Hinds, who has a bit of a gut. I can imagine his character getting up into his forties, realizing he's got a bit of a muffintop thing going on with his stripper outfit, and saying "*sigh* ...time to dress in layers."
But yeah, Taylor Kitsch gets the lion's share of the kink meme moments, with being mind-controlled by sexy evil bad guys with smooth, firm voices and being literally infantilized by Tharks and getting tied up like a hundred times... all in a loincloth. So I'm guessing there will be some kids realizing they're no longer little girls: they're little women.
Say, that's catchy...
So I'm guessing as originally written by Burroughs, Dejah Thoris was portrayed in a more chauvinistic manner, and they're amping up her character. Which is a good thing, and they have a clever way of making her a strong female character, having her be this brilliant science who is shown throughout the movie puzzling out stuff like how John Carter has superstrength and figuring out advanced technology and coming up with a new invention that threatens the Big Bads. Good stuff. But they also make her a master swordswoman, with the obligatory "I'll save you!" said the man and then "Or will I save you?" from the woman. Which was even in Batman & Robin. And I think it just might be a bridge too far to have her be Princess Scientist Warrior Superfox. I just have this dialogue in my head.
Andrew Stanton, director of Wall-E: Alright, so our female lead is Dejah Thoris, the Princess of Mars. She's a scientist who is on the verge of a major discovery that could change the fate of all Mars!
Disney: Mmmmm...
Andrew Stanton: She's also a wise and caring ruler who struggles over the best course of action for her people, trying to balance the needs of her kingdom with her own wants and desires.
Disney: Meh. Make her an expert fighter who arbitrarily kicks ass once or twice, but also needs to be saved by the hero.
Andrew Stanton: So... like every other female character from the 90s onward.
Disney: Pretty much, yeah.
So I think she might actually have been a stronger character if she was just a brilliant scientist slash awesome ruler, without her having to be a badass on top of all that. But then, it is for kids, so there's a good chance they'll accept Princess Scientist Warrior Superfox.
3. Am I piling on this movie? I don't mean to pile on this movie. Number three... they give John Carter an angsty backstory where he used to be a family man before his family died and then he Just Didn't Care Anymore. So he has to learn to love again and stuff. I'm not spoiling anything, you know this is coming the first time he flashes back to his loving wife and junk. Again, kid's movie, so this is meant for an audience that isn't as used to this trope as I am. But holy shit, is this a well-worn trope. I don't think they even give his family names. They don't even go into how or why his family died. He just seems to come home and go "Crap, family's dead, I feel bad."
This is partially redeemed by a surprisingly moving sequence late in the film, but still, isn't there a better way to get John Carter to a place of Just Not Caring? I do prefer it to the other period piece cliche of having a White Man Who Accidentally Massacred A Bunch Of Indians And Now Has To Redeem Himself.
DIGRESSION: At this point, that story element has been used so many times that it's actually gotten a bit exploitative. Like "Man, it's great how we pointed out how racist people in the 19th century were. Now let's go make another movie and not cast any Native actors whatsoever." You can acknowledge racism in your movie without kind of turning it into a stock angst bit, like how Deadwood or True Grit did. They didn't sugar-coat racism, but they also didn't turn into it a cheap bit of bathos.
4. Like I said, Bryan Cranston is in this movie, but he gets left behind on Earth pretty early on. I suggest instead of a sequel, we reboot this series, Punisher style, to be about Bryan Cranston joining John Carter on Mars. I call it "Bryan Cranston and John Carter: Bros of Mars."
Although "Bryan Cranston of Hoes" also has a nice ring to it.
All in all, this movie has a far better "We have to kill Mark Strong in the sequel" ending than Green Lantern.