seriousfic (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
seriousfic) wrote2008-11-20 09:50 am
seriousfic) wrote2008-11-20 09:50 am
You're about to do it wrong
Will Smith and Steven Spielberg doing Oldboy remake. I think if you actually sat down and tried to think up the worst people to handle such a project, barring the obviously incompetent (your Brett Ratners and your Joel Schumachers), you'd be hard-pressed to find people less-suited to Oldboy. Steven Spielberg has lost so much edge that he's a water balloon, and Will Smith pretty much can't or won't play anything more complex than a Big Damn Hero.
I mean, how did we get from a story about how to vampires, the vampire slayer is the monster, to a story where Will Smith sacrifices himself to bring about a new Willenium?
You know what? Quit all this Oldboy foolishness and do Gurren Lagann. The American people are in love with giant robots these days, Will Smith was born to play Kamina, and Simon's coming-of-age story is tailor-made for Steven Spielberg. Plus, Yoko dresses in a bikini top and runs around shooting stuff with a sniper rifle. I think 90% of actresses could handle that part.
Of course, I also think it'd have been the tits if late-80s George Lucas (you know, Labyrinth, Willow) had done a Fourth World movie. I mean, he already ripped off Dr. Doom for Darth Vader, so why not? Get ILM in there, lots of miniatures and Jim Henson puppets and Sean Connery could show up to be Highfather!
In fact, they could still do that! I mean, Henson's still in business. All you need is an intellectual hero with a perchant for wild escapes, the badass warrior woman who covers his back, someone like Orion who is a dog of war obsessed with honor, a Mother Box character to take care of all the others, vile villains seeking the Anti-Life Equation or some other forbidden knowledge to rule the universe...
I mean, how did we get from a story about how to vampires, the vampire slayer is the monster, to a story where Will Smith sacrifices himself to bring about a new Willenium?
You know what? Quit all this Oldboy foolishness and do Gurren Lagann. The American people are in love with giant robots these days, Will Smith was born to play Kamina, and Simon's coming-of-age story is tailor-made for Steven Spielberg. Plus, Yoko dresses in a bikini top and runs around shooting stuff with a sniper rifle. I think 90% of actresses could handle that part.
Of course, I also think it'd have been the tits if late-80s George Lucas (you know, Labyrinth, Willow) had done a Fourth World movie. I mean, he already ripped off Dr. Doom for Darth Vader, so why not? Get ILM in there, lots of miniatures and Jim Henson puppets and Sean Connery could show up to be Highfather!
In fact, they could still do that! I mean, Henson's still in business. All you need is an intellectual hero with a perchant for wild escapes, the badass warrior woman who covers his back, someone like Orion who is a dog of war obsessed with honor, a Mother Box character to take care of all the others, vile villains seeking the Anti-Life Equation or some other forbidden knowledge to rule the universe...
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NATHAN FILLION
the badass warrior woman who covers his back
GINA TORRES
someone like Orion who is a dog of war obsessed with honor
JASON STATHAM
a Mother Box character to take care of all the others
JAR JAR BINX
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And R2-D2 is Mother Box. Or Bubo. Mother Box is to Bubo what the iPod is to the Walkman.
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If you told fans that he was going to put on a wig and play Wonder Woman, at least half of them would ponder it a minute before going back to insisting on Monica Belucci...
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I heard a rumor he's in the running for Captain America.
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Did you see his porn movie?
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