Cop buddies
Mar. 30th, 2011 12:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seriousficEver wonder why TV shows always pair up two completely different characters? I think it's because if they didn't, the results would be like this...
Ebony & Black - Chiwetel Ejiofor and Idris Elba play two homicide detectives who solve crimes with straight-faced Afro-American badassery and deep, bass-tinged voices. Gina Torres plays their hardass police captain. At the end of each episode, they sit back in the captain's office, drink fine liquor, and state that they're too old for this shit.
Result: The cast list of the show is mistaken for a systematic attack on Spellcheck, and the show is canceled.
Chick Brit - When Claudia Black's sexy, sassy jewel thief meets Jaime Murray's sassy, sexy con woman, anything can happen. So long as it's sassy. And sexy. And has a British accent.
Result: Viewing numbers plummet after Lena Headey is added to the cast as a tough-as-nails gangster whose sarcasm and deadpan bluntness balance out the sexy sassiness. Later, it is found out that this is because the lesbian fanbase melted.
We Solved The Case, Bro! - Ben Browder is a snarky, irreverent cop who suddenly finds himself assigned to help snarky, irreverent FBI agent Nathan Fillion. Will they be able to stop making one-liners long enough to solve the case?
Result: The oneupsmanship of their ironic gay jokes finally goes too far in the second season, when they celebrate a particularly good one-liner by making out for five minutes. Ryan Murphy takes over as showrunner and reveals that Ben Browder is actually a transsexual asexual with a sexual attraction to plants. Nathan Fillion also fakes a pregnancy for half the season.
ETA: Kevlar - Elizabeth Mitchell and Anne Torv play damn good cops who try not to let their emotional attachments stop them from solving their cases in a stoic, professional manner.
Result: A thousand fan vids are made consisting entirely of the moment in the pilot when a shaken Torv holds back tears and Mitchell pats her on the back. Most are set to Tegan and Sara music.
Damaged Damagers - Joss Whedon yet again tries to make a series that Fox won't air on Fridays. Sarah Michelle Gellar, Summer Glau, Amy Acker, and Dichen Lachman are a team of badass but emotionally vulnerable waifs who must use kung-fu to complete deadly missions, then reflect back on their traumatic pasts while angsty music plays.
Result: Halfway during the first commercial break, half the internet declares that the show is the most perfect collection of image and sound ever attempted, while the other half believes Whedon is threatening to personally rape them. Meanwhile, everyone else is out drinking because it's fucking Friday.
ETA: You know what? For no reason, Erica Durance joins the cast of Kevlar as a spunky coroner.
Ebony & Black - Chiwetel Ejiofor and Idris Elba play two homicide detectives who solve crimes with straight-faced Afro-American badassery and deep, bass-tinged voices. Gina Torres plays their hardass police captain. At the end of each episode, they sit back in the captain's office, drink fine liquor, and state that they're too old for this shit.
Result: The cast list of the show is mistaken for a systematic attack on Spellcheck, and the show is canceled.
Chick Brit - When Claudia Black's sexy, sassy jewel thief meets Jaime Murray's sassy, sexy con woman, anything can happen. So long as it's sassy. And sexy. And has a British accent.
Result: Viewing numbers plummet after Lena Headey is added to the cast as a tough-as-nails gangster whose sarcasm and deadpan bluntness balance out the sexy sassiness. Later, it is found out that this is because the lesbian fanbase melted.
We Solved The Case, Bro! - Ben Browder is a snarky, irreverent cop who suddenly finds himself assigned to help snarky, irreverent FBI agent Nathan Fillion. Will they be able to stop making one-liners long enough to solve the case?
Result: The oneupsmanship of their ironic gay jokes finally goes too far in the second season, when they celebrate a particularly good one-liner by making out for five minutes. Ryan Murphy takes over as showrunner and reveals that Ben Browder is actually a transsexual asexual with a sexual attraction to plants. Nathan Fillion also fakes a pregnancy for half the season.
ETA: Kevlar - Elizabeth Mitchell and Anne Torv play damn good cops who try not to let their emotional attachments stop them from solving their cases in a stoic, professional manner.
Result: A thousand fan vids are made consisting entirely of the moment in the pilot when a shaken Torv holds back tears and Mitchell pats her on the back. Most are set to Tegan and Sara music.
Damaged Damagers - Joss Whedon yet again tries to make a series that Fox won't air on Fridays. Sarah Michelle Gellar, Summer Glau, Amy Acker, and Dichen Lachman are a team of badass but emotionally vulnerable waifs who must use kung-fu to complete deadly missions, then reflect back on their traumatic pasts while angsty music plays.
Result: Halfway during the first commercial break, half the internet declares that the show is the most perfect collection of image and sound ever attempted, while the other half believes Whedon is threatening to personally rape them. Meanwhile, everyone else is out drinking because it's fucking Friday.
ETA: You know what? For no reason, Erica Durance joins the cast of Kevlar as a spunky coroner.
