May. 5th, 2014

seriousfic: (Secret of the Kells)
So hey, you know how Amazing Spider-Man 2 teased that a vengeful Harry Osborn would be leading the Sinister Six in an attempt on Spider-Man’s life in ASM3? Well, I gonna be really sorry if that threequel turns out to suck, because I came up with that story four years ago.

Of course, I should note here that my idea was that you’d use the Spider-Man second stringers—the guys who really can’t carry a movie—and not any of the A-listers who could be the main guy. Let’s review who Sony maybe—maybe—has as their SS. Errr, S6. Yeah, let’s avoid the S double initials.

1. Harry Osborn Goblin (buh).
2. The Rhino
3. Doctor Octopus
4. The Vulture
5. Kraven The Hunter
6. Chameleon

That’s oh-kaaaaaay, I guesssssssss. Really contingent on Doctor Octopus being the mad scientist behind all the others’ powers and betraying Harry, taking control of the S6 for his own fiendish plots, being Spider-Man’s greatest enemy instead of just a spear-carrier, etc. I think I remarked on this once with the possibility of a Batman: Arkham Asylum type movie, but the good point of a reboot is that you can bring back characters who were Big Bads in the prior movies and the audience knows their deal already without needing a time-consuming introduction. So they could’ve done the Sandman and Venom, but apparently they’re doing Eddie Lethal Protector style. Fine—that’s the kind of change-up a reboot should indulge in.

My big thing—aside from the general poor storytelling quality of the reboot (what does Harry EVEN WANT REVENGE ON PETER FOR? “YOU DIDN’T GIVE ME YOUR BLOOD, I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND! ALSO, CHRIS COOPER IS MY DAD!”). Those are some major-league villains being burned off as henchmen. I could see Kraven being set up as a long-time Spider-Man rogue who comes back for Kraven’s Last Hunt, if the Spider-Man movies ever decide they want to be interesting. But why not use some villains who could never be a big deal?

Like the Shocker. He’s an iconic Spider-Man villain and I’m sure a lot of fans would love to see him on screen, but not as an Oscar winner with a newfound sympathetic backstory and personal connection to Spider-Man. Just as a joik who Spidey punches and makes quilt jokes about. That’s what I think the S6 should be pitched at. Not six Big Bads, because they can’t all fit into a movie together, but five superpowered henchmen for one driven supervillain.

Also, this would make the proposed Sinister Six movie a lot more palatable. With their leader—the real bad guy—dead and gone, you’ve just got five losers on the run from the law. They get a new member and it’s like The Usual Suspects/Reservoir Dogs with C-list supervillains. Because who’d be interested in a movie where the six ‘heroes’ are all-consumingly powerful without a greater threat because they are the greater threat? It’d be like an Avengers movie where everyone gets together to rob a Denny’s.

Anyway, here’s a list of guys I think are iconic/unique enough to show up on film, without being so powerful/interesting that they deserve the hotseat.

The Beetle
Boomerang
Chameleon and/or Mysterio
Hammerhead
Hydro-Man
Molten Man
The Spot (don’t laugh, he’s Portal: The Supervillain)
Tombstone

Also, these characters are pretty undefined by canon, so you can play around with them a little, make them a bit more diverse. It’s the Heimdall Principle: if you can’t distinguish the guy from two other Norse gods, you can’t rightfully get upset that he doesn’t look like he does in the comics. And c’mon, if you’re a hardcore enough fan to care that Hydro-Man is a white guy instead of, say, a Hispanic woman, what are you doing watching the Amazing Spider-Man series in the first place? You know these movies are not good Spider-Man. You know.
seriousfic: (Secret of the Kells)
I probably shouldn’t try to rewrite the plot to Amazing Spider-Man 2, since it doesn’t really HAVE a plot, just stuff that happens. You could take Electro out of the movie entirely and it wouldn’t affect the story in any way whatsoever. Really. Try it. But anyway, I’ll give this the old college go. It’s like seeing a man have a heart attack in a crowded restaurant. You just want to do something, anything, to help the guy.

My big thought here is Harry Osborn. In the comics, he is of course defined by his toxic relationship with his father. In the movie, his father is Chris Cooper, Chris Cooper dies after forty seconds, and none of this really seems to have an impact on Harry other than putting him in charge of Oscorp. He doesn’t seem to have any childhood abuse or daddy issues, it’s all about him suddenly having this disease, because chronic illness makes you evil I guess.

So what are the three Ses? Simplify. Streamline. Smooth out. We’re making a movie for children, really. Let’s get rid of Electro altogether. We can keep the Rhino stuff as bookends, that—sorta works. Again, the problem here is that the first movie screwed up things so much that it’s like trying to save a date after you’ve vomited on your girlfriend. But hey, we’re in this together, you and I. With you believing in me, we can save this movie.

Tl;dr. )

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