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New Moon FAQ
Q: So what the Forks is up in fuck?
A: I think you mean… never mind. Edward is still sparkling and Bella is having nightmares about growing old while Edward is still young and Cedric Diggory-ish.
Q: What brought that sudden bout of mortality on? A death in the family?
A: No, she just turned 18.
Q: And she wants to be frozen at that age forever? Does she want to spend the rest of eternity being carded for movies and beer?
A: As if Bella Swan watches R-rated movies or drinks beer. Plus, she gets to fuck Robert Pattinson if she’s a vampire.
Q: What would happen if that offer was real?
A: Teenage Girl Vampire Apocalypse. Like the I Am Legend movie, only better in every conceivable way.
Q: Okay, so Bella wants to be young and hot forever and, incidentally, be Edward’s sex bunny.
A: That’d be the subtext.
Q: So, what’s the problem? Is Edward worried that becoming a vampire means Bella would have to give up her family, friends, and any hope of a normal life?
A: No, that it would damn Bella’s soul. Of course, she doesn’t care, because since when do women let a little eternal damnation stand in the way of hot dickings?
Q: Represent. So, how’s it all tumble out?
( Spoilers. As if you care. )
A: I think you mean… never mind. Edward is still sparkling and Bella is having nightmares about growing old while Edward is still young and Cedric Diggory-ish.
Q: What brought that sudden bout of mortality on? A death in the family?
A: No, she just turned 18.
Q: And she wants to be frozen at that age forever? Does she want to spend the rest of eternity being carded for movies and beer?
A: As if Bella Swan watches R-rated movies or drinks beer. Plus, she gets to fuck Robert Pattinson if she’s a vampire.
Q: What would happen if that offer was real?
A: Teenage Girl Vampire Apocalypse. Like the I Am Legend movie, only better in every conceivable way.
Q: Okay, so Bella wants to be young and hot forever and, incidentally, be Edward’s sex bunny.
A: That’d be the subtext.
Q: So, what’s the problem? Is Edward worried that becoming a vampire means Bella would have to give up her family, friends, and any hope of a normal life?
A: No, that it would damn Bella’s soul. Of course, she doesn’t care, because since when do women let a little eternal damnation stand in the way of hot dickings?
Q: Represent. So, how’s it all tumble out?
( Spoilers. As if you care. )