May. 2nd, 2014

seriousfic: (Secret of the Kells)
AWWWWWWW SHIT, it’s late at night, so I can say whatever shit I want about Amazing Spider-Man 2: We’re So Uncreative We Can’t Think Up A Subtitle, and nobody will know except for Australia. And what are you guys gonna do? You already sent Mel Gibson at America. If that’s the best you can do---

THE GOOD

-I liked the end credits song. I think it was by Pharrell Williams? I don’t listen to a lot of music, so I think the only songs I’ve heard of his are Blurred Lines and Happy, and both of those, the beat was kinda just too… radio jingle? It was like pure sugar, ya know, couldn’t get into it. But this song was really good. I’m probably gonna, uh… completely legally buy an MP3 of it. Thanks iPod!

-Okay, I used Google—because I’m not Spider-Man—and it turns out that song was by Kendrick Lamar and Alicia Keys. I hope you appreciate my attention to detail and the care I put into this work.

-The action sequences were pretty good. There were, like, three in a two hour and thirty minute movie and they were pretty short, too, but… anyway, they still don’t have a patch on Raimi. His action scenes told stories—Spider-Man has to save a bus full of kids, stop this train, save Mary Jane, save Aunt May, whatever. So there are goals, objectives, little victories and defeats. This is pretty much just Spider-Man and whoever he’s fighting dancing around until the budgets runs out, and it feels like there was not much of a budget. (We’re supposed to be worried about Green Goblin in Part 3 when Spider-Man beats him in, like, three minutes here?) But aside from the size of the portions, the meal was okay.

-There’s a good scene where Peter Parker is proactive and uses SCIENCE! to prepare for a rematch with Electro, even though Electro is apparently captured at the time. This moment of genre savvy from Parker ends up totally pointless, though.

-Stone and Garfield still have good chemistry, and there’s a rather nice scene where he uses physical comedy to help her get away from some goons. It makes you wish this was just a movie about two dating teenagers who happen to be tangled up with corporate espionage—which is probably a bad thing in a Spider-Man movie.

-I like the look of Electro, even if it is ridiculously derivative of Dr. Manhattan (although he has a set of leather Speedos that can apparently travel through power lines and such). But compared to how the Green Goblin or the Rhino look—fuck.

-There’s a bit where Spider-Man catches a cold that’s right out of the comics, even if they make a hacky joke of him sneezing in his mask. Thanks, movie.

-On my way home from the theater, a light was about to change red, so I sped up to make it and I passed by a cop. I was only doing, like, 47 in a 45 zone, so he didn’t pull me over.

THE BAD
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